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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex refusing permission for holidays outwith UK

95 replies

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 17:28

Last year my ex refused to give permission for me to take our daughter to America for a holiday. He refused mediation and gave our solicitor the run around and we ended up having to go to court. The Sheriff found in our favour and we eventually got to go. However it resulted in a solicitors bill of £8,500!

Our daughter is 14 and desperately wants to go abroad again, however her dad has refused permission for her to leave the UK. This included a ski trip to France organised by her school.

I don't think I've any option but to go to court again but can't possibly afford the cost of last time!! Scottish law doesn't seem as straightforward as English law in that there not just a form you can complete. Everything I find just says to speak to a solicitor. Does anyone in Scotland have any experience and/or advice? Thanks 🙏

OP posts:
Escaperoom · 23/02/2025 17:56

He is being very short-sighted as it won't be very long before she can do whatever she likes, including deciding what kind of relationship she wants to have with him. She is obviously old enough to be well aware that it is his fault she is having to miss out. Some 14 year old girls would already be letting him have it with both barrels but I am guessing she isn't that type?

BreadInCaptivity · 23/02/2025 18:01

Does he have/want any relationship with his DD at all?

Doodar · 23/02/2025 18:06

Ho would he know if you took her?

pinkroses79 · 23/02/2025 18:09

What a horrible parent, denying his daughter the chance for nice experiences.
Does he see her a lot? Would he know if she went somewhere without telling him? They usually don't ask any questions at the airport, we've never been asked. My son flew alone to US and was only asked where he was going to.

Missionimprobable · 23/02/2025 18:13

Don't tell him?
Just book and go, tell dd to keep shtum in the run up.
If he kicks up a fuss on your return, let him take you to court and explain why he's being so ridiculous and you represent yourself.
Do you even need his permission if dd is 14?
At that age, a court would take into consideration her feelings if she didn't want to see him, so why couldn't she choose to go abroad with her DM.

Branleuse · 23/02/2025 18:18

He is shooting himself in the foot regarding their future relationship

ChiaraRimini · 23/02/2025 18:30

What an arsehole.
I couldn't afford that amount of money in legal fees either so in your position I'd be telling your DD that sorry she can't go abroad, because of her dad, but when she is 18 you can take her somewhere really nice.
There's no point in playing nice with an ex who is this type of arsehole.

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 18:36

Thanks for all your replies. Unfortunately I couldn't risk not taking her without permission. He's already threatened to report me for child abduction because I'm taking her to York for 3 nights. He has weekly overnights with her so would definitely know if she was away.

My daughter knows what he's doing is wrong and unfair but he's so manipulative and emotionally blackmails her that she won't stand up to him. I keep hoping she'll do the typical teenage thing of telling him to f off but she's just not like that (yet!)

It's so frustrating and unfair, but I guess maybe staycations are on the cards for the foreseeable!!

OP posts:
angelinawasrobbed · 23/02/2025 18:36

Could you self-represent ?

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 18:39

angelinawasrobbed · 23/02/2025 18:36

Could you self-represent ?

That's what I would do ideally but I can't figure out how to do it despite much googling!; Everything just refers me to the gov.uk site which is only for England and Wales x

OP posts:
MollyButton · 23/02/2025 18:42

Does she still want to see him? Because at 14 she should have a strong say.
And I'd try to get an enduring judgement, not just a one off. That she can go overseas for x no of days a year.
And I'd let him call the police on you taking her to York. Unless Scottish police have excess resources they would probably laugh at him.

AgnesX · 23/02/2025 18:44

Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 18:39

That's what I would do ideally but I can't figure out how to do it despite much googling!; Everything just refers me to the gov.uk site which is only for England and Wales x

Show quote history

Have you tried somewhere like the Govan Law Centre or advocate group like Women's Aid, that could steer you in the right direction?

Is that even an option?

angelinawasrobbed · 23/02/2025 18:45

There’s a legal section on here. If you specified Scotland in your title, someone might be able to point the way

ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 18:51

I'd try here sclc.org.uk

RentalWoesNotFun · 23/02/2025 19:05

Does she want to see him? He sounds like a negative influence in her life.

What's his reason for denying her a holiday? Is it because he has to pay for half of it?

What a horrible man. I'd tell her she doesn't have to see him if she doesn't want to. Prick

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:06

MollyButton · 23/02/2025 18:42

Does she still want to see him? Because at 14 she should have a strong say.
And I'd try to get an enduring judgement, not just a one off. That she can go overseas for x no of days a year.
And I'd let him call the police on you taking her to York. Unless Scottish police have excess resources they would probably laugh at him.

Yeah she still wants to see him so I just have to bite my tongue! The police have already been involved (long story) so they definitely would tell him straight if he did try. At least it's something!

OP posts:
ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 19:07

And you can't get reported for child abduction for taking a child within the UK! He sounds tedious and abusive. Good luck OP. At 16 you should be able to do what you like, so not much longer to go.

This blog is interesting. It sounds like you don't need permission to take her and he'd need to get an interdict to stop the travel. What court is going to stop a mother taking her daughter on holiday or going on a school trip. www.harpermacleod.co.uk/insights/do-i-need-consent-to-take-my-child-on-holiday-abroad-with-me-a-guide-to-what-you-need-for-the-summer-holidays/

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:08

RentalWoesNotFun · 23/02/2025 19:05

Does she want to see him? He sounds like a negative influence in her life.

What's his reason for denying her a holiday? Is it because he has to pay for half of it?

What a horrible man. I'd tell her she doesn't have to see him if she doesn't want to. Prick

Unfortunately she does at the moment. So I'm supporting her in that for as long as she wants to. It ain't easy!!

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright4 · 23/02/2025 19:09

Maybe post on Scotsnet too ,

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:09

RentalWoesNotFun · 23/02/2025 19:05

Does she want to see him? He sounds like a negative influence in her life.

What's his reason for denying her a holiday? Is it because he has to pay for half of it?

What a horrible man. I'd tell her she doesn't have to see him if she doesn't want to. Prick

He is absolutely just doing things to spite me and doesn't care what it does to her. Prick is exactly what he is!

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 23/02/2025 19:10

She does know he is actively preventing her from going on the school trip right? Why is she not cross with him

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:13

ColourByNumbers88 · 23/02/2025 19:07

And you can't get reported for child abduction for taking a child within the UK! He sounds tedious and abusive. Good luck OP. At 16 you should be able to do what you like, so not much longer to go.

This blog is interesting. It sounds like you don't need permission to take her and he'd need to get an interdict to stop the travel. What court is going to stop a mother taking her daughter on holiday or going on a school trip. www.harpermacleod.co.uk/insights/do-i-need-consent-to-take-my-child-on-holiday-abroad-with-me-a-guide-to-what-you-need-for-the-summer-holidays/

Unfortunately I know I do need his permission as we don't have a court order outwith the UK. Also for USA it's 18 so maybe just have to go big for that!! But yeah I'm safe enough in the UK thankfully!

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 23/02/2025 19:15

Could you return to the solicitor to you you used previously and request they put in the writ and you represent yourself in court

ask for the writ to be 15 days per year until 18

you've already spend £8500 with this solicitor but explain that makes annual holidays prohibitively expensive each year

Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:15

Theunamedcat · 23/02/2025 19:10

She does know he is actively preventing her from going on the school trip right? Why is she not cross with him

Yeah I said to her that I would be furious if it was me but she just shrugged. She's just tired of the games he plays but doesn't want to stop seeing him.....yet!

OP posts:
Original poster
Exasperated80 · 23/02/2025 19:17

MikeRafone · 23/02/2025 19:15

Could you return to the solicitor to you you used previously and request they put in the writ and you represent yourself in court

ask for the writ to be 15 days per year until 18

you've already spend £8500 with this solicitor but explain that makes annual holidays prohibitively expensive each year

Yeah that might be a good call. I could certainly see if she could estimate costs. Thanks

OP posts: