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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Is my ex correct about CMS?

39 replies

Zorbamum · 18/02/2025 21:59

I’ve just had a conversation with my ex in regards to the splitting of our finances. When we spoke about CMS (we have a two year old DD who will live with me and see him every fortnight) he said he spoke to CMS and they said he is under no obligation to contribute to my bills and his solicitor advised him that he can request a breakdown of what I use the money on each month. Is this correct?

A bit of financial background we have a joint mortgage and he put in more of a deposit than me as he earns more. We are currently trying to sell our house but he does not want me to get 50% because I would be getting a better investment on the money I invested than him.

Thank you x

OP posts:
GoldNewt · 18/02/2025 22:01

He had completely fabricated this. None of that is remotely true.

Tiswa · 18/02/2025 22:02

Was the deposit ring fenced
and no yiu don’t break down the CMS

amiold · 18/02/2025 22:03

He doesn't have to contribute to your bills, no. But he has to pay child maintenance. 12% of his top line and then any deductions on that for overnight stays.
House sale is irrelevant to cms. Keep it separate. He is still obliged to pay you maintenance regardless of settlement.

OppsUpsSide · 18/02/2025 22:03

No none of that is true. But also CMS aren’t overly interested in chasing parents for the money so if he’s going to be difficult he might well get away with it. My DC’s parent has been underpaying by hundreds for years, o have told them and sent the evidence but they don’t do anything.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 18/02/2025 22:06

Go on the CMS calculator and it will give you an estimate on how much he should pay. I would just contact them and get that sorted out ASAP.

You don't have to provide any proof of what you spend that money on at all.

The house is totally separate and you'll likely need a solicitor for that.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 18/02/2025 22:07

He’s chatting shit. He will have to pay maintenance and wrt the house, you’ll get what you put in, you’re not married. You have to pay all bills.

NeedSleepNow · 18/02/2025 22:07

You absolutely do NOT need to give him any details of what you spend child maintenance on

Savemefromwetdog · 18/02/2025 22:09

He will have to pay CMS based on his earnings and how many nights the DC stay with him. He can’t request any breakdown of how you spend it, but he does not have to contribute to your bills.

ChonkyRabbit · 18/02/2025 22:11

You can spend the money solely on airships trailing banners saying "my ex is a twat" if you like. And he isn't entitled to know a thing about your spending.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 18/02/2025 22:12

He's totally at it.
Get onto the CMS and get your claim started, it's separate from the house/financial settlement.

Are you by any chance 'sorting things out amicably cos we don't want to waste money on solicitors'? That's usually code for 'I'm shafting you and hoping you don't notice'.

Original poster
Zorbamum · 18/02/2025 22:13

Thanks everyone.

Deposit wasn’t ring fenced and I know I’m entitled to 50% as we are married. I just want to ensure my daughter and I are able to start our new lives. I’m moving in with my parents as he wont leave the marital home as he has no where to go. In his eyes i’ll be living rent free so can just save where he is moving into a rental. He takes home nearly twice as much as I earn. I wish I had enough money so I could tell him to shove his money up his arse!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Zorbamum · 18/02/2025 22:14

Haha yes how did you guess!

Solicitors just make me greedy apparently! Makes me so mad!!

OP posts:
HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 18/02/2025 22:14

Once you've split it is literally none of his beeswax whether you spend your money on shoes and strippers. It's his job to pay towards his daughter's upkeep, your 'rent free' status at your parents is not his business.

UnemployedNotRetired · 18/02/2025 22:16

Well it's all technically correct.
CMS works out a total figure he must legally pay -- and that isn't related to bills. It wouldn't matter if bills were high or low, it doesn't affect the amount.
He can 'request' a breakdown of how you spend the money -- just as I could request the same of you. But you can tell us both where to go.

ChonkyRabbit · 18/02/2025 22:17

UnemployedNotRetired · 18/02/2025 22:16

Well it's all technically correct.
CMS works out a total figure he must legally pay -- and that isn't related to bills. It wouldn't matter if bills were high or low, it doesn't affect the amount.
He can 'request' a breakdown of how you spend the money -- just as I could request the same of you. But you can tell us both where to go.

I'm pretty sure he meant child maintenance can't be used for bills, which is totally incorrect any way you look at it.

CrispieCake · 18/02/2025 22:35

He's a twat and he's trying to intimidate you. If he's a high earner, you may be entitled to more than 50% of assets (including pensions). He may end up giving you a much larger share of the equity in exchange for you relinquishing any pension claim.

Lawyer up. If you're having your DD most of the time, that limits your earning potential relative to his. Don't give up your claim to fair share of your joint assets as this will limit your ability to provide for your DD.

Starlightstarbright4 · 18/02/2025 22:44

This man is not playing fair .. get a solicitor and a cms claim open

mrsfollowill · 18/02/2025 22:50

Oh my friend's Ex tried this with her! Told her the two of them should sit down with her bank statements and look at what she was spending and on what. He wasn't going to pay maintenance for his two kids if she was out wasting money on clothes for herself or God forbid any nights out or a haircut.
Gas and electric - well she had to pay that anyway along rent and water bills so he didn't need to contribute to that either. Kids cost nothing! He had a good job as well and earned double what she did (didn't tell her though and let her think he earned 10K less than he did for years.
She had to go via CMS in the end- he had 'generously' offered her £100 a month after stalling for 2 yrs (at which point she went to CMS) but by accepting this he didn't have to pay any arrears. Tight bastard.
Kids are over 18 now and have no relationship with him whatsoever.
Your actual outgoings are no concern of his. Good luck with it all.

millymollymoomoo · 19/02/2025 07:08

There’s multiple things going on

if you’re married you’re not automatically entitled to 50%. You’re entitled to a fair share which might be more or less depending on ages, number and ages of children, earnings, assets available, length of marriage, needs. There’s no such thing as automatically entitled to x%, other than everything is in the pot for division regardless of who paid or whose name is on it.

re bills, most likely he’s not under any obligation to pay any of those no and even a joint mortgage can prove troublesome if someone wants to play hard.

re cms that will simply be calculated on his earnings and number of nights. He has no say in how this is spent by you and you do not need to provide any receipts or breakdown to him so you simply say no that’s not going to happen. It is simply a contribution to the costs of raising a child….but if you wanted to spend it all on shoes you could and he’d have no say.

Mauro711 · 19/02/2025 07:48

Oh wow, he's completley clueless. What an idiot.

If you were married and together more than 5 years your marriage is considered a long marriage. This means you are entitled to a minimum of 50% of the combined assets (including pension, savings, cars etc), probably a bit more if you are going to do 90% of all the childcare. It doesn't matter who put what into the the house or bought what. The asset side is a completely separate issue to the CMS though.

Re the CMS, go on to the government website and use the calculator to get an idea of what you are entitled to. You can spend the money however you see fit. There is no way for him to earmark the exact money that he contributes and track what they go towards. Kids also use water, electricity, transport etc. It's so much more than food, clothes and nappies.

The thing that irks me the most about the way CMS is calculated is that nursery fees aren't taken into consideration, which is madness considering what a huge portion of ones expenses it is. So if he is as much of a dick as he sounds like he is, he probably won't be contributing towards that.

Edited to add that when I say you are entitled to minimum of 50% I mean that given the circumstances you have shared where you will be doing pretty much all of the childcare. He might be entited to less than 50% because of it.

millymollymoomoo · 19/02/2025 07:59

You can’t state that op is entitled to a minimum 50% because we do not know that is correct from the little information here.

Queenofthejabs · 19/02/2025 08:02

Yes and no, the first poster was incorrect.

he can’t ask for a breakdown of spending, but that can be requested in a divorce hearing for financial settlement.but not for cms.

he is though under no obligation to contribute to your bills, cms is managed separately to divorce usually and he simply pays what he has to, it’s up to you how you spend it, it isn’t his business.

BrendaSmall · 19/02/2025 08:08

What is it with these dead beat men who doesn’t want to pay for the children and can’t even be bothered to see them more than a couple days here and there??

Mauro711 · 19/02/2025 08:12

millymollymoomoo · 19/02/2025 07:59

You can’t state that op is entitled to a minimum 50% because we do not know that is correct from the little information here.

No, sorry I edited to add that if I go by what OP has stated and that she has the vast majority of the care of their child and I had already stated that it was if they had a what is considered a long marriage. If they have only been together a few years then it could look differently of course.

In those circumstances no judge would sign off a financial settlement giving her less that 50% of the assets, that would be financially abusive.

millymollymoomoo · 19/02/2025 08:19

that is not correct at all

5 years is not deemed a long marriage
secondly judges sign off less than 50% of assets to primary carers alll the time. Being primary carer despite what’s says on mn does not mean you’ll end up with min 50% or more at all, it completely depends on whats available and what needs there are. And we dont know that here.

yes its possible op could be awarded that, or higher. But to state it as fact is simply not correct, and nor is it financial abuse