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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Cheating pain

108 replies

superplumb · 31/01/2025 16:51

So afyer 27 years I caught my husband cheating. He said he met her a month ago amd asked for her number. He offered to show me text messages to prove the date.
She booked a hotel on thr 31st dec and paid for it and they had sex. The lies he told me. He even convinced me to change medication over Xmas as I was 'paranoid' he shotef at me when I questioned certain things and made me feel guilty. He swore on the kids lives that he was cheating. He held me while I sobbed saying I feel like il going mad because of my worries about him cheating.
I just feel sick, shit about myself and the pain is unbelievable. I checked his dash cam for one day and he even deleted thr last image which shows him going to a car park to meet her.
We had sex still and even booked a night away for his birthday. We went out the day before woth the kids and had a good time.
When does the pain end. I just can't function. We have two children aged 9 and 11. They've not taken it well i don't think they have processed it.
I've had to block him because I'm messaging him asking him questions wanting detial but he's ignoring me. But I also don't want the details because it hurts more. I'm a mess. I just need positive stories because right now I want to jump in front of a bus.
The other week he came home with a bag of sweets. He told me that a bloke at work got them for the kids becdue he knew they liked them. I knew this was lie. Middle aged men dont do thus for men's children. Turns out it was her. Thus makes me feel sick.
Thanks to medication changed for my 'paranoia ' I've not been well and told him I didn't want to be alone thus sat when he was meant to be going out bowling. He said to get my mim round if I was unwell. He wasnt wiling to cancel it. Yep..she's booked a hotel for them both. I just keep getting intrusive thoughts.
Ive also posted in relationships but that's quiet atm
Any advice welcome. I just cannot stand the pain. The flashbacks of seeing them both sat there. I jist feel sick.

OP posts:
superplumb · 14/02/2025 19:49

2025willbemytime · 14/02/2025 13:29

You can change your surname. If it makes you feel better, double barrel it then drop it once it's not an issue but really, it is already not an issue. You don't have to have the same as the kids as I am assuming they have his. I'm changing mine as soon as I have moved house. It's easier to wait until then for all the paperwork. My children are young adults and one has changed their name already and nine mind if I don't have the same. It wouldn't surprise me if the others change theirs once I do.

I had so many questions and it wasn't easy as he wouldn't reply. They were going round my head until I knew they always would until I verbalised them. I got very little back, it was 100% impossible to justify what he said, but he has to hear my words.

Today is my first one since I divorced, second since we split and his first with his "new" woman. Fuck them all.

They do have his surname. I wish I didn't take it. Everything i have to give my name i feel sick.

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 14/02/2025 20:10

Then change it as soon as all the legalities are done.

superplumb · 14/02/2025 20:37

2025willbemytime · 14/02/2025 20:10

Then change it as soon as all the legalities are done.

Holidays etc are meant to be a nightmare though with different names. I've already changed it back at work

OP posts:
2025willbemytime · 14/02/2025 21:00

Don't put obstacles in the way that might not even occur.

superplumb · 15/02/2025 10:01

I'm not, going abroad is a nightmare if under 18s have a diff name. Plus my kids won't like it i don't think

OP posts:
ikeepforgetting · 15/02/2025 12:43

It's not a nightmare I promise. I have two DC with different surname as I didn't take ex name after marrying either. When we travel, I take a photocopy of their birth certs, only been asked a couple of times for it. It's very common to have different names to your children!

2025willbemytime · 15/02/2025 16:00

I agree with @ikeepforgetting . I understand you're scared @superplumb but don't make assumptions when you don't know the truth when they'll keep you where you shouldn't be.

superplumb · 16/02/2025 08:09

2025willbemytime · 15/02/2025 16:00

I agree with @ikeepforgetting . I understand you're scared @superplumb but don't make assumptions when you don't know the truth when they'll keep you where you shouldn't be.

Tbh I've got so much on my mind I think I'll park the surname stuff

OP posts:
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