Tomorrow I move into my own flat.

[CleanShirt]

After being totally abandoned by stbxh back in January, selling the house and living in a friend's spare room since April, my and my little cat are moving into a tiny little flat tomorrow that I managed to buy.

I'm absolutely cacking it about living alone for the first time at 40, but know it needs to be done.

It's been a long road to get here and the support I've received on MN for the last 9 months has been phenomenal. Just wanted to drop this little post to let people know that it's not easy but it DOES get better. There's light at the end of the tunnel!

3 hours sleep thanks to a nocturnal neighbour and a little ginger guy. Very nice to be having a chilled coffee in my own bed tho!

Don't worry - you can always have a mid-morning snooze/relaxing afternoon catching up on your favourite shows if you're tired. The world's your oyster!!

Hi OP,
Thank you for the updates, I remember not sleeping at all well for weeks when I first moved into my solo flat, it took a little while to get used to having so much lovely peace and space.
Have an awesome chilled Sunday, I love that you put the TV into the bedroom.
Your cat is so characterful, you are both lucky to have each other and a new home.

@CleanShirt how are you both doing today? I hope neither of you are under the bed but proudly wandering around and claiming your new space. Tomorrow get yourself some flowers. I find they always make a house seem more cheerful and homelike (but no lilies)

Hey @Pixiedust1234 - I was out! Some friends came round, me and my friend drank wine while her husband put my last flatpack together 😂 so I took them both for dinner to say thank you.

I've just woken up so definitely made up for the 3 hours sleep!

Have another friend coming round in a couple of hours to take me to IKEA so I don't really have time to relax at the mo!

Oh that is awesome news. Enjoy!

Great! Congratulations!
Slim furniture and not too much of it to create your happy place in the little flat. Take measurements before you go to Ikea if needed. I have experience with living in a small flat and happiness is definitely linked with not having too much stuff!

Congratulations!! Welcome to the club! I'm over 50 and living the dream. In my 20's I shared a flat which was wonderful and fun, married for over 20 years and now living in my lovely little house (no pets) and yesterday binge watched 'The Perfect Couple' on Netflix without interruption by anyone but myself getting food and drinks. Love.it. the novelty hasn't worn off nearly 1 year later.

Spent all day with a lovely friend but my god I'm tired now. Got a bottle chilling in the fridge then going to cook my first ever meal in my flat - full of cream and cheese - sod you, lactose intolerant ex! 😂

Haha enjoy OP! Sounds like a lovely day xx

This will be me soon. Currently in the marital home with my son home from uni, then he'll go back and I'll be alone again with my pets. Hoping to move into my new home this autumn.

Hi all. Updating as promised, trying to use this as a bit of a diary (and I hope it might help someone who's not at this stage yet!).

Yesterday was my first day totally alone, I had a bit of a hangover (don't usually go out on a Tuesday but had time off!) so was a little sad and weepy but will.put that down to the booze. First lesson learnt!

Went back to work today. On my way home and had my first little "pang" that I have nobody to text to tell them I'm on my way. But the poor (very bored) cat has been on his own all day so least I can go and see him. Only 9 more days until he can go out, and I had his catflap installed.

Broke a couple more flatpacks 😬 and might need a new boiler which is a real kicker.

Really trying to go one day at a time but it doesn't come naturally to me.

I try and flip it when I am having a 'moment' eg. sad no-one to text on way home? trying thinking 'how nice I don't have to tell anyone my every comings and goings'. On my own watching TV... how nice I can have total control of the TV and spread out with my blanket and not share my snacks/drinks etc. I get an invite from friends to do something and nowI dont have to ask permission... you get my drift!!

I was driving and crying yesterday because I had to go back to my lovely house. Because HE is still around . Trapped in that not enough equity to have my own place and too old to get a mortgage by myself . I passed lots of flats on my journey and so wished I had one to call my own where I could live in peace by myself.

Good lesson learnt @CleanShirt . My therapist says to me don't drink alcohol when having a bad day. Might be fine when drinking but can bring you down the next day. For me I'm not much of a drinker but when I've had a bad day, or ex has been horrible, then wine seems like a good idea.

I'd rather be going home to a cat tbh, I have two and a dog and let's face it, cats are smart and he could probably read an I'm on my way home text from you!

@Soonenough I'm moving hundreds of miles so I can buy somewhere without a mortgage as I've not worked for years and with being unwell I don't know when I can. It's hard. Ex is with his mother but only 20 minutes away. He's been horrible again today, yesterday and it's getting me down. I'm annoyed at myself for expecting him to have an epiphany and be nice.

Love this!

All the firsts are hard, and this was my first time coming home from work alone. Won't be so bad next time.

This thread is keeping me going. It's coming up 2 weeks since he left and a week since I found out about the affair through a mutual friend. It had been going on for a long time and I'm still stunned by the deceit and lies. I'm struggling to eat properly, can hardly focus in work but I'm getting shit done. I'm moving to a tiny flat in 8 weeks time with my big dog, but there's plenty of outdoor private space and we'll be OK. I keep half heartedly looking at new furniture and lovely things for my flat, but then a voice in my head asks me why I'm bothering when it's just me. The kitchen is actually bigger than what I have now so will be able to cook elaborate meals, but again I think what's the point if I'm just doing it for me. I was with him for 20 years and I've lost my identify and self worth

Oh @Wombat8 . You should have and do all those things BECAUSE it is just you and you will appreciate and deserve them. I was thinking I'd take stuff from the house as don't want to waste and spend money for the sake of it but I've decided that actually how I feel is more important than saving money so I'm buying less but new. My new house will be smaller than what I have now and therefore I need less.

I hope you learn to enjoy living alone. I have for most of my adult life and wouldn't have it any other way, even now with an SO I really love. We like our own space.

You are worthy of nice things. Your home can be your sanctuary.

No need to furnish it all right from the start, that is part of the fun. The thrill of the hunt. Do you like secondhand furniture or antiques? My place is an eclectic mix of old stuff (I have my grandmother's living room suite), things from boot sales that I have painted/upcycled, and interesting items from antique shops and junk shops. I also found a lovely set of vintage "china" that is pleasant to use, and have my bathroom set up like a mini spa. And so on. You can rule your abode in the same way.

Not to be toxically positive; you are amid a traumatic situation and have my best wishes. Just wanted to say that the actual living alone, once you are used to it, has a lot of upsides.

One of the things that was absolutely exhilarating I unpacked his favorite skillet that wasn't supposed to be mine and chucked it. It was a beautiful le creuset skillet. I swore to him it was packed in his boxes. You see packing was beneath him. That's what he gets for having an "imbecile" do the packing. Yes, he called me that. I reminded him.
I wrote all that to remind you of all the bad times. Remember you will never have to do that again. Being on your own is so much better.

Oh love, been there. Try to eat, even if it's just toast, and go day by day - hour by hour if you need to. If you need to have a day where you wallow and just be sad then do it, but the next day you have to get up and do something different. I found an amazing therapist too who really helped me if that's something you can do.

It's 9 months since he left me and I can't pretend that any of this has been easy, but I do promise it gets easier.

Edit to add - I've gone from a beautiful 2 bed house to a tiny 1 bed flat and my kitchen is now postage stamp size, but I've enjoyed cooking myself nice meals in it. It will come! X

You are brave, brilliant and resilient 🔥 . Congrats on getting shot of that blight on your life. Onwards and upwards for you.

One of the things I did when I lived alone, was buy a great bed and mattress. Just for the pleasure of a really comfy nights sleep with no arsing about.

Never think 'why should I bother as it's just me'...think 'I deserve the things I want if I can make it happen'.

I've just had the phone call... all houses in the chain are just over a week away from signing contracts and stbx moves out in two. I'm both excited and absolutely terrified. Partly due to the logistics of packing/moving because of disability/health and partly because I will have no money coming in until I've applied for benefits which is another minefield. But all this is a hell of a lot better than staying together for the next twenty years.

*girdles up her loins 😬

It sounds like a great new adventure.