Inheritance

[Peppette]

My husband and I are trying to work out a financial agreement to separate, and if course everything will be run by our individual solicitors once we've come to agreement.

Our totally assets are £567,500 so half of our assets would mean £283,750 each. His would be tied up in the house we live in while I would take mostly cash to set up somewhere new.

The thing is £280,000 of that total assets is from selling my husband's mother's home which he inherited two years ago, and will be sold this coming month. My husband has basically said I am punishing him because both his parents are dead and that if I ask for half of this inheritance, he will hold on to resentment and that means things will be less amicable and he has mentioned getting court involved which I would prefer to avoid purely because of the apparently spiralling costs whenever that happens. Legally I'm not sure how much of this I am entitled to (on paper I own 99% due to tax reasons, which also means I no longer qualify as a first time buyer), the rent that we have been charging for the past year has gone into the joint bank account/family finances and has been put towards the mortgage on the family home, so insight into that would be nice.

My main question is morally though, should I go after 50% of everything, specifically the inheritance? I feel like I am the mother of his mother's grandchildren, she gave the inheritance to the family unit, I helped clear out the house, paid £5,000 for it to be rewired from my personal account at the drop of a hat and if I wasn't there helping clear out the house, I was watching the children so that my husband could do it unhindered (for sometimes days at a time). Not to mention all the help or children watching I did while she was sick nearer the end or when she needed help with some other things before that.

For reference my husband is a much, much higher earner than me, I took time off work to watch the kids so lost earning potential there, he is the one who has initiated the separation and is depressed (I would say severely as it has seriously clouded his interpretation of things I do /say to the point where it's so twisted that he is using some things that have never happened as basis for the divorce and is telling mutual friends these twisted versions too).

Morally I see the unfairness of it from his side, particularly if he will never see a cut of your parents legacy.
What would his parents want, do you think? Would they want you to have it? Did you get in well and do you want to have some of their life savings and feel that it's acceptable for you to take it?
I would spend some time thinking about it and how you would feel both accepting and not accepting and decide which option feels the best for you.
Divorce is difficult enough emotionally without these moral decisions.
Honestly not sure what I would do, but I would think depply about it first and consider everything.

So he wants you to walk away from the marriage with very little whilst he keeps the marital home, the full inheritance and his higher earnings?

That's a no from me. Where does he think you will live if you don't have the means to buy a house or secure a mortgage?

Is he one of these men who expect the taxpayer to house his DCs in council accommodation whilst he lives the high life? Tell him to jog on.

Are you likely to receive a similar inheritance from your parents? If so, would you share it with him at some point in the future?

If the inheritance is never treated as a marital asset (e.g. used to pay off a joint mortgage), and he can demonstrate that you’ve already separated ahead of him receiving it, it won’t be an automatic consideration. If you can’t agree on a settlement between you (and it sounds as though you can’t) the court will look at whether or not there you can both receive an equitable settlement without its inclusion - which will depend on a range of factors including care of DC, pensions, and both your earning potentials. I’d bear that in mind before you insist that you’ll only settle for a 50% share of his inheritance, when you may not be awarded that if he chooses to fight you.

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I wouldn’t be looking for an equal share of inheritance. The MIL didn’t give it to you, she gave it to your DH, you were only involved so far as you were his wife. You should get your costs reimbursed though.

How would you feel if your parents had died and you had to leave 50% of your inheritance with your ex?

That inheritance isn’t yours, it’s his. I think you’d be wrong to claim it.

If you left everything to your DC, how would you feel is their soon to be ex spouse walked away with half of it?

You say you raised her grandchildren… if she wanted to financially recompense you for that she’d have put you in her will. She didn’t.

You said he is the higher earner. Are there children? Did you sacrifice at all to support his career? I'm asking because 50/50 might not be a fair decision of assets and you should check this. Who is looking after the children more?

It's good to have an amicable separation but he may be playing nice because he knows you could be asking for more. If no to any of the above then yes 50/50 minus the inheritance makes sense.

Be aware though that if your case went to court and you were unable to house yourself to a decent standard then they could take the inheritance into account. What situation would you be in if the other inheritance was discounted? If doing so would leave you in a bad way while he is earning more then you then I push to include it.

Legally, I think the asset is in the pot.

Firstly, given the total pot, it will be a needs-based settlement. Secondly, the assets have been comingled as rent from the house has gone into joint assets.

Morally, I think it depends on how much you will inherit and how soon. Inheritance does seem in some ways unfair as it depends so much on timing.

If you choose to divorce then the martial assets get divided. Where they came from and when is irrelevant. Go via your solicitor as he's given warning he's not going by the legal rules willingly

We have two primary school aged children, I took time off from work to care for them and until now have been part-time to help with the house/children. So that has affected my earning potential. We currently plan to split the childcare 50/50 and .gov child maintenance calculator works out that he would need to pay me about £200 a month even with the 50% childcare. Which is another sticking point.

I don't stand to gain that much from inheritance in the future, though there will be some gain, it will also be split between more people whereas he is an only child. If I had already inherited, I feel like I would split it 50/50 but won't if I inherit after we divorce (which is obviously the case). His mother was on good terms with me, his father passed away before we met.

If the inheritance isn't included then I wouldn't be able to afford a house as my current mortgage capacity is very small (though will hopefully change as I pick up more hours in the future). I definitely wouldn't be able to afford the monthly mortgage on the family home hence why the current plan is for him to stay.

I bet good money that as soon as your divorce is settled he will suddenly find that he can’t take the kids 50:50. And not half the school holidays for sure.

Then he will move away with his new partner / her kids and hardly see them at all.

they all do it, its a script. if he hasn’t take half the career breaks for his kids and worked part time and hasn’t done 50:50 for the last 8 years , he’s not going to start now.

Ignore his nonsense and get legal advice, you don’t have to tell your STBX that you’ve done so.

The inheritance doesn't count. Unless you are named in the will. It's not a marital asset.

50% of everything except the inheritance is reasonable.

You deserve more than 50pc and I can’t believe with his earning potential he’s trying to take more!

don’t give up the inheritance either

he’s probably having an affair

offer him the inheritance and his pension in exchange for the marital home?

Going after anything is nor attractive or gracious. I divorced my h and he did not want to give me half of his inheritance. He was able to keep it but I had to get the equivalent from somewhere else. In reality it says he had to give me half of it as he didn't have the same amount in cash. So really, it needs to not be emotional and split fairly.

It is worth going to court. You can represent yourself, the court fee is very reasonable and the judge will ensure that you're not shafted. Speaking as someone in a similar position - I moved out, exH only child of deceased parents, very high earner in comparison. I ended up with over 300k.

50:50 is not necessarily an equitable division of assets, especially when you have children. The legal aim is to support both of you maintaining your standard of living. Usually there aren't enough assets to do so.
Get legal advice, ideally then going through a good mediator.
But my solicitor would have advised against any agreement that risked being thrown out of court as unfair to one side.
An inheritance can be ring fenced but with children involved that would almost certainly reduce how much of other assets he is entitled to.

You are very unreasonable to go after the inheritance. His parents would want it to go to him not you. If you won the lottery in a year would you give him half?

Yes "going after" was the terminology he used not long before I posted this which is probably why I said the same. He also keeps saying that he is "helping" me buy a house, get me set up elsewhere etc by giving me any settlement money.

This has come up for my husband and I. My Mum and his Dad died in 2011. Funds (£46k from my Mum and £25k from his Dad) went into savings and was spent over the years on home improvements, lovely holidays, home furnishings etc etc. His Mum died in 2018, and after buying himself a car there was around £20k left which he put away into premium bonds and thinks he should keep now that we are separating. Married 30yrs. My Dad and step mum have 8 children between them so negligible inheritance coming from there.

He's not giving you anything. It's half yours!

Morally - completely reprehensible. But at least they’re already dead.

What did he do with the inheritance when he received it? If he had kept it separate, he would have had a stronger case to keep it. If he blended it with other marital assets (joint accounts, home improvements, etc.) that part is clearly half yours.

The inheritance is a house, OP is on its deeds now, has paid towards renovation, and the rent from it goes into a joint pot. Like fuck it doesn't count.