Inheritance

[Peppette]

My husband and I are trying to work out a financial agreement to separate, and if course everything will be run by our individual solicitors once we've come to agreement.

Our totally assets are £567,500 so half of our assets would mean £283,750 each. His would be tied up in the house we live in while I would take mostly cash to set up somewhere new.

The thing is £280,000 of that total assets is from selling my husband's mother's home which he inherited two years ago, and will be sold this coming month. My husband has basically said I am punishing him because both his parents are dead and that if I ask for half of this inheritance, he will hold on to resentment and that means things will be less amicable and he has mentioned getting court involved which I would prefer to avoid purely because of the apparently spiralling costs whenever that happens. Legally I'm not sure how much of this I am entitled to (on paper I own 99% due to tax reasons, which also means I no longer qualify as a first time buyer), the rent that we have been charging for the past year has gone into the joint bank account/family finances and has been put towards the mortgage on the family home, so insight into that would be nice.

My main question is morally though, should I go after 50% of everything, specifically the inheritance? I feel like I am the mother of his mother's grandchildren, she gave the inheritance to the family unit, I helped clear out the house, paid £5,000 for it to be rewired from my personal account at the drop of a hat and if I wasn't there helping clear out the house, I was watching the children so that my husband could do it unhindered (for sometimes days at a time). Not to mention all the help or children watching I did while she was sick nearer the end or when she needed help with some other things before that.

For reference my husband is a much, much higher earner than me, I took time off work to watch the kids so lost earning potential there, he is the one who has initiated the separation and is depressed (I would say severely as it has seriously clouded his interpretation of things I do /say to the point where it's so twisted that he is using some things that have never happened as basis for the divorce and is telling mutual friends these twisted versions too).

He put 99% of it in my name (for tax reasons) and then rented it out for a year (it took him over a year to get to that part so it's been 2 years since she passed away). That rent payment was paid into the joint account and around the same time are mortgage payment went up by how much the rent payment was so it essentially went on that. He is now selling it to a family member and that will complete this month and has instructed the solicitor to pay the funds into his personal account, honestly am not sure if that was part of some plan or just automatic/the details he had access to at the time, it was silly of me to not check what account he put on before signing the form and I'm not sure if I should/need to make a fuss about this or if it won't matter if the settlement is what it is.

I would be saying the inheritance doesn't count, but he has put it in your name, presumably to avoid tax so frankly it's yours. It certainly brings it into play.

You don't mention pensions. Remember that these should be split too.

He's the higher earner. Presumably they are his kids. I think you should get more than 50%.

If it's in your name then legally the proceeds should go to you, unless you give permission for them to go to him.

it was silly of me to not check what account he put on before signing the form and I'm not sure if I should/need to make a fuss about this or if it won't matter if the settlement is what it is.

You are not sure, but it seems he knows exactly what he is doing. You really really need your own independent legal advice.

I was assuming he received the inheritance in cash. Since this was a property, and he put it your name, it's considerably more complex. Do you have a good family law solicitor who can advise you? I would guess that putting it in your name made it a marital asset, but you need expert advice on this.

Use professionals to work out what is fair. Take the emotion out of it.

What is the point of marriage if it doesn’t protect you in situations like this? Yes you are owed 50%. You have had children with this man. You are absolutely entitled to the full 50%!!!

He’s a high earner, you’ve sacrificed your career to look after your joint children, and what’s the likelihood once you’ve separated he can’t do 50% of childcare because of his work? Marriage is designed to protect you in this situation!

You’re got a good chance of being entitled to more than 50%, which you will need to give your children a good standard of living. I’m sure their grandmother would have wanted that.

I think you would be better off seeking advice from your solicitor before you try to come up with a financial settlement, not after. I think you could be massively underestimating what you are entitled to. The inheritance is a red herring.

Have you spoken to a divorce lawyer?
I'd caution against agreeing anything at all, even headline terms in principle, until you know where you are likely to stand legally.
It suited him to have the MIL's house in your name for tax reasons, and the rent has gone into marital joint account so there is already a commingling of assets and nothing pointing towards it being ring-fenced for another purpose. It's not just the inheritance though- don't assume a 50-50 split: it could be more to you.
You've sacrificed your own earning potential to raise kids and now you need to be able to house and feed them without being impoverished. I also have my doubts about how 50/50 co-parenting will play out in the long term, but who knows!

I think he's being a twat tbh.

You need legal advice, he sounds like an asshole so he isn't going to be fair.

Legally it will most likely go in the pot but it’s not guaranteed you’d get 50%. If it’s needs base case you’d most likely get a decent share

morally he’s right and can understand where he’s coming from.

I hate it when people say op is entitled to 50%

She’s not at all

the marital
pot will be divided up based on a number of principles. One outcome could be 50%
but so could others in either direction! Op is of course entitled to a fair share. But that doesn’t mean 50% automatically

Personally I think inheritance shouldn’t be part of the assets for divorce if they are either very recent or have never been used to support the family.

aka it’s only been 2 years and the money has just become available
and/or the money has never been used let’s say to pay the mortgage/do some renovations/buy something else together.

Talking on an ethical pov of there .

On a legal pov, I didn’t think that inheritance were to be taken into account when they are so recent,

The inheritance is a red herring, and fwiw I think you would be morally abhorrent to go after it.

Of everything else, you are probably entitled to more than 50% but it doesn’t seem like you’ve bothered to get proper legal advice.

To all saying I need legal advice, I have consulted a lawyer about the "headlines" of the financial agreement and looking at all assets it is relatively fair. However we had our marital home valued (before we were going off the valuation on the internet) and it is worth 20-30k more than originally thought. He is upset that I may be asking for more/changing the initial tentative terms. I will obviously talk to my lawyer but would rather let him spend the money getting his lawyer to draw up the financial agreement before I take it to mine. I have also decided to contact the solicitor to get the proceeds from the house moved to a different account - one I have access to.

He made me feel bad asking for a part of his inheritance and essentially threatened that doing so would make things less amicable which is bad for the kids obviously. It is this point I was most unsure about as it is a bit of a grey area, morally.

So he was happy for you to pay for rewiring etc but now it's not a matrimonial asset. He's got some nerve.

I wouldn't be expecting money from his inheritance but I would be expecting more than 50% of the joint assets. You say a higher earner, depending on what you define as higher, you might be successful in claiming spousal for a limited time, which you could swop for a one off payment

Who gives a shit about looking attractive or gracious to a STBXH? OP should absolutely 'go after' everything she is is legally entitled to. He is trying to bully and manipulate her into taking less than she should when she has young kids to house and a lower income. If he put it all in her name for tax reasons and is now trying to claim it back as his after asking for a divorce, he is not exactly Mr Nice Guy.

He can't have it both ways. It was okay to put it in your name when it suited. But now it doesn't

Not read the full thread but I'd be getting my solicitor to inform the conveyancing solicitor that the money from the sale is NOT to go into STBEHs account as you own the property. It can linger in the conveyancing solicitors holding account until you are sorted.

As it's being sold to a relation is market value for it being achieved? Or is there a reduction?

If it is in your name then your agreement/signature will be needed before it can be sold.

In theory you have power here. He's hoping to browbeat/bully/guilt you in to rolling over.

You are divorcing, you need to provide a home for your children for when they are with you. The inheritance is part of the matrimonial assets and needs to be included as such, morals don’t really come into it quite frankly. Don’t be bullied into anything

He put the inheritance into play - he used your allowances to try to avoid tax and your labour to allow him to develop it into a revenue generating asset. All of which is perfectly reasonable in a marriage, but is a joint enterprise, not one where the inheritance is entirely separate from the marriage.

Moreover, you have been financially disadvantaged by your role in the marriage up until now, taking a career break to look after joint kids (Did your pension get taken care of while you did this? Have you included pensions in the assets you’r splitting?). To me, you have a good case, morally, for getting more than 50% of the marriage’s assets, including at least some of the inheritance.

So it seems like it’s a bit of a wash. In many ways he’s lucky you aren’t going for 60+% of the total assets. You say he’s gone a bit off his rocker so I wouldn’t worry too much about what he sees as fair. Have you, perhaps, been a bit too reasonable up to now and whatever you had suggested as a split he would have seen as the first offer in the start of negotiation he intends to “win”? Legally, the issue with the inheritance can be tricky, though. So it’s worth getting a lawyer to really take a look as there is also no point overplaying your hand - if he’s doing the same that really can lead to fraught and expensive negotiations.

Not strictly true.
My DP died while I was getting divorced and I promise you my not modest inheritance was mentioned by my Ex and the judge included it in the calculations when dividing our assets.

Forgot to say my Ex will eventually (when his parents died) inherit a silly amount of money (silly as in loads) but this wasn't included because it was hypothetical.
I was gutted that my modest inheritance which I hadn't even received was included in the pot as my ex was also the higher earner and had a big pension etc.
But that's life, women are treated like shit.

I think it’s morally wrong. Sorry. But that’s the question you’ve asked.