Inheritance

[Peppette]

My husband and I are trying to work out a financial agreement to separate, and if course everything will be run by our individual solicitors once we've come to agreement.

Our totally assets are £567,500 so half of our assets would mean £283,750 each. His would be tied up in the house we live in while I would take mostly cash to set up somewhere new.

The thing is £280,000 of that total assets is from selling my husband's mother's home which he inherited two years ago, and will be sold this coming month. My husband has basically said I am punishing him because both his parents are dead and that if I ask for half of this inheritance, he will hold on to resentment and that means things will be less amicable and he has mentioned getting court involved which I would prefer to avoid purely because of the apparently spiralling costs whenever that happens. Legally I'm not sure how much of this I am entitled to (on paper I own 99% due to tax reasons, which also means I no longer qualify as a first time buyer), the rent that we have been charging for the past year has gone into the joint bank account/family finances and has been put towards the mortgage on the family home, so insight into that would be nice.

My main question is morally though, should I go after 50% of everything, specifically the inheritance? I feel like I am the mother of his mother's grandchildren, she gave the inheritance to the family unit, I helped clear out the house, paid £5,000 for it to be rewired from my personal account at the drop of a hat and if I wasn't there helping clear out the house, I was watching the children so that my husband could do it unhindered (for sometimes days at a time). Not to mention all the help or children watching I did while she was sick nearer the end or when she needed help with some other things before that.

For reference my husband is a much, much higher earner than me, I took time off work to watch the kids so lost earning potential there, he is the one who has initiated the separation and is depressed (I would say severely as it has seriously clouded his interpretation of things I do /say to the point where it's so twisted that he is using some things that have never happened as basis for the divorce and is telling mutual friends these twisted versions too).

Honestly go speak to a solicitor . It might not be 50/50 from the rest due to salary sacrifice but the it won’t be amicable smacks to me as someone keeping you in your place

Actually this is not necessarily true. You only don't get a share of the other person's "increase in wealth" if it is post financial agreement. Although most solicitors suggest you get that signed and sealed before applying for the decree absolute.

@MollyButton
In my head I meant years post divorce if someone died... But I'm not a solicitor so I have no idea!!

Does that mean later on ExH could come back and ask for any inheritance OP gets?
(Genuinely asking, not being facetious)

I just think it's a bit rubbish to take someone's inheritance... That someone has left for them.

I couldn't do it... Maybe if they had owed me money I would ask take that? Or had joint debts? Barring mortgage.
But maybe that makes me a fool!
I just know I couldn't.

right now you don’t stand to gain anything from inheritance as you don’t know what will happen in the future and what payouts your parents for example would need to make for care. By contrast he has received an inheritance and it is now an asset in his name.

Therefore, it is part of the marital assets. It is not some kind of moral dilemma where you need to sacrifice your ability to live in a reasonable way and not struggle to satisfy his views of fairness or not

You earn less, you have young children. You need to be housed. Both of you walking away with about 300 K and being able to set yourselves up sounds fair and reasonable. if he’s threatening you with legal action, let him. A solicitor will tell him the same thing.

Once divorced, he can’t come back for anything. And yes, you are being a fool - inherited wealth isn’t some kind of special gift for only the named person to enjoy under law or morally.

It is the Financial Settlement that is crucial. Once that is sealed as final and complete then neither of you can go back, if it is a "clean break" agreement (I think on going child maintenance is separate).
But that is why any lawyer would strongly advise you not to proceed until this is signed and sealed.

It's also why mine advised against an interim financial agreement - as that one could have been overturned in the final one (it worked out for me but I was only asking for 50%).

Maybe a fool... But it's just how we feel about it all... She asked for opinion, I gave how I would feel. I know I wouldn't feel good about it. So I know personally I wouldn't do it.

Part of OP rationale for feeling entitled was that the "family unit" are entitled. On that basis, shouldn't it then be split equally and therefore with the children too?... So she would be entitled to 25% post tax.

And, on that basis, surely the same would apply the other way around when OP set to get inheritance?

As a divorce doesn't stop you being a "family unit" really? It's just a piece of government issued paper.

Just food for thought from me.

Seriously lawyer up and take it to court. He is trying to stuff you. Based on the fact he is a higher earner and you are part time, gave up to raise kids and still have primary aged kids you would more likely be entitled to a 60/40 or even higher split anyway. The court is not going to look favourably on someone who "for tax purposes" puts an asset in your name but then tries to retain the beneficial interest in it . Have pensions been equalised at all? Have you taken legal advice? Please do so if not

Since the house is in your name I believe this should be counted as marital asset, not solely his. Whatever money comes in during the marriage, unless kept clearly separate, is usually assumed to belong to both.

Morally you are entitled to financial support in some form as compensation for time off to have his kids. Marriage is meant to be forever so you will have reasonably made plans assuming that you share in his financial good fortune. He wants it of his obligation to you going forward, doesn’t mean he can pretend it never existed. Whatever he says about grabby woman going after what’s his, it’s pure confusion about what marriage actually means.

It is expensive and difficult to go through solicitors. So you have to do a cost / benefit analysis to decide if it’s worth it for you. If this is the difference between hopefully being able to buy a home or never having that security, I’d get legal support. One thing that might help you first is to simply get legal advice confirming what is considered a marital asset and what a likely division of funds would look like if it went to court. Show him he won’t get more by fighting it. Then maybe he’s willing to negotiate. Depends on the kind of person he is.

One thing I will say: while going through my divorce I was very concerned my ex didn’t think too badly of me, especially that I wouldn’t be seen as grabby. I was concerned what his mum would think, and my own family. A few years on and I couldn’t give a flying fuck what he or his family think of me. Everyone moves on, it becomes old news, but you will be stuck with the gaping hole in your finances, knowing you should have got more.

As a divorce doesn't stop you being a "family unit" really? It's just a piece of government issued paper.

Marriage is a legal contract, explicitly intended and expected to last for life, and divorce is legally ending that contract. So yes, divorce stops you from being a family unit in the sense relevant to this discussion.

Pieces of government issued paper are capable of granting and removing all kinds of rights and responsibilities. Including, in many places, the right to life. It is silly to refuse to understand how societies function, or pretend that law doesn’t matter.

Yes I understand that, thank you.
But holistically, they're always going to be a family. And that's that.

I see both sides, but I have given my opinion on how I would approach it.
And taking that money would make me feel bad.

He is being an arse, apart from his inheritance, all the other assets are due to decisions you both made and his future earning has benefited from those decisions. He should look at it that you are fortunate that this inheritance has come at a time that enables you as a family to separate and both get a decent house for your kids.
Like others said, do you really think he will do actual 50/50 day to day including school runs? You need to have the reality in front of him of suggested days and nights he will have the kids and see what he says and get that in part of the agreement or childcare costs and support will very much need to be part of the picture . It's no use agreeing to 50/50 and then him laughing in your face that his "important job" won't allow him to do that. You need that clarity so you can make arrangements for your work as you'll probably have to as many hours as you can to function

It's quite easy really. Just have a long, honest conversation with yourself about how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. Would you be keen to 50/50 share an inheritance you received just before divorcing your husband?

Hmm if my partner had given birth to our children, spent years on lower salaried PT work to care for them, had supported my career and our family, and had then agreed to me putting significant assets in their name so that I could avoid paying CGT on an inheritance, AND had paid for maintenance works on said asset out of their own pocket, then yes, I would feel morally obligated to share that asset with them in a divorce.

If it’s not sold yet and you own 99% then you can tell the solicitor to stop the sale. The deal is not final until the day it’s actually sold.

Send them an email tonight and tell them to stop. You don’t need your husbands permission of you own 99%. It doesn’t matter what you’ve signed so far.

Is it being sold at full market value ?

Yes of course it might matter, have you discussed ANY of this with your divorce solicitor? You should not be agreeing to dispose of your own assets and agreeing to pay the money into your husbands account in the middle of a divorce - this is just plain stupid.

I strongly recommend that you stop the sale now. But if you chose not to do so, remember that you only have 60 days to report the sale to HMRC and pay the CGT due. If you own 99% of the property then you are liable , even if you have chosen to give all the sale proceeds to your husband.

I’m assuming you hold it as tenants in common and have declared the beneficial interest to HMRC using the appropriate form.

AFAIK you are also liable to pay the income tax on the rental income, usually the income is divided as per the beneficial interest. Again it doesn’t matter whose account it was paid into . Have you been declaring this and paying the income tax due?

BTW Im neither a lawyer nor an accountant so this is my very basic understanding.

Yeah - he was happy to tax dodge by putting in OPs name, but now he wants it all back?

Fuck off sunshine

Morally, I don’t think it should be included. The law may say something else.

Is anyone actually reading the posts on this thread? We've had loads of wise people putting forward excellent reasons why the OP needs to ring-fence her own and her children's interests here and then others pile in with "morally I couldn't do it."
It's much more complicated than that.

Marriage is a legal contract. The inheritance is a marital asset so you are entitled to at least half of it.

What's fair is debatable but marriage is a contract voluntarily entered into.

It's not quite that simple.

Inheritance

What happens to inherited property in a divorce?

If there are enough other assets to provide for both of the divorcing couple's reasonable needs then generally the inherited property will be kept by the person who received it. However, the family home is usually in the pot to be divided and if money that's been inherited has been "mingled" with the family's finances it can be taken into account.

I am still reading all the posts that people are leaving and thank-you for your opinions. I am seeing my solicitor next week and am asking for up-to-date statements on all matters (pension, mortgage, current account) to take with me. As he was clearly trying to prey on my emotions here and it's not the first time so I just can't trust him at his word. There are not enough assets to provide for us both without including the inheritance and it sounds like legally I am able to use a share to help setup elsewhere. I got on well with my MIL and while I agree that she left it to her son, we were happily married when she made the will and when she passed away and she wouldn't want to see the kids disadvantaged (i.e. not having a reasonable/comfortable place to stay 50% of the time) because her son is mentally unwell and destroying his relationship.

Hopefully the solicitor will help us settle in something so I can start moving on to a happier part of my life.

OP the inherited house is your name but is being sold to a relative of your DP with proceeds of sale paid solely to him that he wants to exclude from financial settlement? This is a scam. He is playing you for a fool and using emotional blackmail. Halt it immediately. You have the legal right to do so. He put it in your name for tax reasons thinking you were too silly to recognise the legal implications. Protect the interests of yourself and your children.

Then negotiate. You might find he is more reasonable given he won't have a leg to stand on if you were to go to court (very unlikely as he won't want a torch shone on his shenanigans).

He wants you to focus on what is morally right rather than what is legally right because it is to his benefit (not your children).

And he is supposed to be depressed and confused! I smell more emotional blackmail as this plan to shaft you is almost Machiavellian.

Was he depressed when he put the property in your name to avoid tax? How can he work full time with such crushing depression? Can he adequately parent 50:50 with signification mental health needs? Has he seen his GP? Or is it all just bollocks.

Halt the sale, put on your big girl pants to deal with the fallout and get a decent solicitor. Future you and your DC will thank you.

OP, you haven't answered any of the questions about the rental income. You should have both been declaring this and paying tax on it.

HMRC will be advised when the property is sold and they will contact you if CGT isn't paid and they will ask about rental income if none has been declared.

Please make sure that you have advice on this from an accountant, to ensure that nothing is missed.