Inheritance

[Peppette]

My husband and I are trying to work out a financial agreement to separate, and if course everything will be run by our individual solicitors once we've come to agreement.

Our totally assets are £567,500 so half of our assets would mean £283,750 each. His would be tied up in the house we live in while I would take mostly cash to set up somewhere new.

The thing is £280,000 of that total assets is from selling my husband's mother's home which he inherited two years ago, and will be sold this coming month. My husband has basically said I am punishing him because both his parents are dead and that if I ask for half of this inheritance, he will hold on to resentment and that means things will be less amicable and he has mentioned getting court involved which I would prefer to avoid purely because of the apparently spiralling costs whenever that happens. Legally I'm not sure how much of this I am entitled to (on paper I own 99% due to tax reasons, which also means I no longer qualify as a first time buyer), the rent that we have been charging for the past year has gone into the joint bank account/family finances and has been put towards the mortgage on the family home, so insight into that would be nice.

My main question is morally though, should I go after 50% of everything, specifically the inheritance? I feel like I am the mother of his mother's grandchildren, she gave the inheritance to the family unit, I helped clear out the house, paid £5,000 for it to be rewired from my personal account at the drop of a hat and if I wasn't there helping clear out the house, I was watching the children so that my husband could do it unhindered (for sometimes days at a time). Not to mention all the help or children watching I did while she was sick nearer the end or when she needed help with some other things before that.

For reference my husband is a much, much higher earner than me, I took time off work to watch the kids so lost earning potential there, he is the one who has initiated the separation and is depressed (I would say severely as it has seriously clouded his interpretation of things I do /say to the point where it's so twisted that he is using some things that have never happened as basis for the divorce and is telling mutual friends these twisted versions too).

He made me feel bad asking for a part of his inheritance and essentially threatened that doing so would make things less amicable

It's emotional blackmail. Essentially, if you don't go along with what I want, I will get nasty. That's already not amicable at all.

Why don't you offer something else. Divide everything 50 50 including this inheritance but say that you will ring fence it for the children so that if you remarry or have another child that specific portion will be ringfenced for your joint children in your will?

Get real and get ready OP. Wake up love.
He isn't going to be reasonable, now or after.
The house to be sold is in your name.
The proceeds shouldn't be going anywhere other than a holding account or account with your name on.
The family home has gone up in value. This needs to be taken into account.
You have been primary caregiver and now he wants 50-50 to reduce maintenance? Use CMS.
Stop rolling over and stop playing nice.
You have more to lose if you don't.

I think it would be morally unfair to expect 50% of the inheritance. You saying his mum gave it to the ‘family unit’ makes you sound bloody rediculous. Obviously this doesn’t count if you split!

OP, I really think you need to lawyer up and fast.
This bloke is NOT your friend and he will shaft you, if he can.
Employ a solicitor to get you what is fair for you and therefore your children. Whilst this inheritance has come from his mother, any of it that comes your way will be to the benefit of your children, her grandchildren.

I would be blocking the sale of the inheritance house pending an agreement you are happy with (whether or not that agreement includes the inheritance). You also haven't mentioned pension in the assets. I think you are in a strong negotiating position whilst you own the majority of the inherited property and would be using that to get an equitable settlement.

There could be a compromise here. If you have stepped back career wise to look after the family and support your husband’s career, and have been on a part-time income, I would suggest that you’re entitled to more than half. Say 70% of the total pot minus the inheritance (£200k). If you have put money into MILs house and made it possible for DH to support her in her last days (and you actually own the house!), you are entitled to something. Say 30% (£84k). So you end up close to 50% overall but have treated the two pots separately, and it may be slightly more palatable to him that you’re not getting 50% of ‘his mums’ money.

However, I would be cautious about not getting a fair financial settlement in the interests of amicability, as he could engineer it so you get less than you are entitled to.

This is it. Was it morally fair when he stuck it in OP’s name to dodge whatever tax he would’ve been liable for? Was it morally fair when he let her pay 5k out of her own funds to rewire the place, knowing he saw it as “his” house? Is it morally fair to refuse to recognise the hammering her career and earning capacity has taken because she took time to raise their children?

The “morally right” thing here is to make sure there’s as little disruption to the kids as possible and provide stability going forward. A fair and equitable split to allow everyone to be adequately housed and provided for is the way to achieve that, and with the sort of figures you’re discussing you can’t just disregard half the pot because he’s decided to use a bit of emotional blackmail. Get a solicitor on this and repeat after me, OP- “if it wouldn’t work on HMRC, it won’t work on me”.

If you own 99% of the house then it cannot be legally sold without your agreement, nor can the payment from the buyer go to him totally. The conveyancing solicitor will be legally obliged to give each owner their % share, and each of those shareholders may be liable for CGT. I’m assuming you also paid tax on the rent over the last 2 years?

Ok so I've spoken to him this evening, told him that if he is going to resent me for taking his "mum's money" then he is quite welcome to agree to sell the marital home and give me the money out of that.

Also if he is going to resent me for taking his "mum's money" then we can go to court, discount the inheritance and the court will give me a bigger split in our other assets (I have taken into account all property, cars and pensions btw for those that were worried) because quite simply I cannot house the children without more money. I am on a lower income, have minimal mortgage opportunity, no pension, he will have more money (the inheritance) etc. And we will reach the same conclusion but have to pay more money to get there. I have also told him I don't appreciate emotional blackmail and if he does it again everything will be done through our lawyers. Side note: resent is a huge issue and part of the reason we are separating, for example I agreed to delay taking on more hours at work for a month and rework the hours I'd already worked out in terms of caring for the children when separated i.e. a favour that he asked for and he said he resented me for it because I would be spending more time with the children. He chose to hold on to this kind of resentment for years and let it fester until everything I did was was twisted into something that fed that view he had of me.

We are contacting the solicitor for the house and changing the bank account it goes into one at least with my name.

Child maintenance isn't included in the financial agreement apparently unless we want to go through the court but he has agreed to pay the amount the .gov calculator says and we will each pay 5% of our wage into a joint account that will pay for things like school trips/dinners, scouts, music lessons, clothes etc. With a view to review every 6 months (at first) taking into account, changes in wages, hours spent with the kids, use of the joint account (did it need to go up/down) etc. If he does renege on this I will go through the court and will check with my lawyer when she reviews the document if that can be done outside of the financial agreement once signed.

We have talked about the big/expensive pieces of furniture and what I will be taking with me and he has said he will pay for the kids furniture and decoration in their rooms in my new house fully and I'll take some of the more expensive pieces for the rest of house and pay for the other bits myself, or get them second hand for now at least. All the little bits will be divided when we go through it all I guess.

He will pay for his lawyer to draw it all up, I will take it to my lawyer and get them to look through it and also run the numbers with them properly while I do, although as mentioned I have already done this but the marital home value has gone up since then.

Have I missed anything crucial?

Pensions?

Split 50/50- you need to be able to house the children, and have already taken the financial hit- and will do the to do so regarding pension and career. This bollocks that as a woman we should be demure and walk away with nothing but our pride and our children- fuck that. You're divorced. His 'disappointment' in you means nothing. If it actually went to court you would probably be offered more than 50 due to your earning up to this point and future earning so he is actually getting a better deal. You need a house, he needs a house and feeling sorry for him is unecessary

I'm going through this at the moment. Stupidly because I used all My inheritance £80k to pay down our mortgage last year it is a 'marital asset', I'm not entitled to any of it back especially as we earn a similar amount and DC are much older,

Makes no legal difference that he will receive his own massive inheritance when the time comes

People general regret, years later, when they have allowed their guilt to affect their split. If it becomes difficult to deal direct, you can try mediation (they speak to each of your separately and negotiate) or just discuss things through your solicitor. Avoid court if you can, but if you position is strong, his solicitor will advise him to accept it.

I hope you are going for 50% of his pensions too. My Ex's pension was worth more than our not cheap house.

How old are you & how old are your joint children, OP?

I wouldn't take someone else's inheritance from their parents personally.
If they died post divorce you wouldn't be entitled.
Perhaps he can be reasonable and pay for back the £5k mind.

Who will pay the Capital gains tax due from you as the owner, after the sale of the inherited property ?

There is no morals in this a solicitor will tell you what is legal or not

Yeah but I/you should do whatever does not help legally

No I don't think you should . Morally it's not yours . Yes split anything you've built up under your own endeavours as a couple but this is not your money , I'm guessing you will have inheritance from your own parents at some point so how would you feel being told to give up half of everything they earnt to a person you no longer wish to be part of the family .

But you're not "taking his mum's money" - he's using his inheritance to buy you out. That's his choice!

Half of it is yours.
He's pulling on the heart strings to try to walk with more.
Take half of everything you're entitled to.

@Peppette I very much doubt it was bequeathed to your family unit it was given to the lady’s son and his heirs. All of the things you mention you did are no excuse to steal your soon to be ex husband’s inheritance and I’m confident you know your MIL would not want this. You may remarry and your new partner might outlive you in which case half of your MIL’s estate would pass eventually potentially exclusionary to your new partner’s children. When you eventually inherit do you plan to give half to your ex? Thought not.
You know this is very wrong.

Bravo @Peppette sounds like a positive outcome.

Only thing I would caution against is having a joint bank account post divorce. Better to have a clean break.

The thing is, now that you are getting divorced, you don’t actually have to consider his feelings. He certainly isn’t considering yours.

As someone has pointed out he is the higher earner, has sponged off you staying at home, would see you homeless… and you can be 100% sure that if the boot was in the other foot that he would not bat an eyelid at taking his half of your mothers house.

So what if he feels resentful at you getting a fair settlement? He’ll just have to work on it with his therapist.