Leaving abusive husband. Advice please?

[AmpleOliveGarden]

Hi all I really need some advice. I’m gearing up to leave my abusive husband. We have one child together and I’m hoping be out by the end of the week but I am petrified.
I’ve been subject to emotional, psychological and financial abuse over the last 7 years.

I’m in the middle of a degree and just started a new placement which I’m finding hard and has brought it all to a head. I’ve been receiving support from women’s aid and I have the live fear free number for refuge but I don’t think it’s an option as it’s £300 a week as I’m employed. I know I can make myself homeless and go into temporary accommodation and I’m strongly considering this but I don’t know where to go. I’m isolated and several hundreds of miles away from family and don’t know whether to go into temporary accommodation up there or try stay down here and finish the course (18 months left). I do have friends here who have some idea of what’s going on but no one I can stay with. He plays on his mental health to get me to stay and says he feels su*cidal. Like the last few days he can tell I’m off because I’m planning to leave and he’s ramping it up again.
I don’t feel safe having a conversation with him about leaving before I go as when I found evidence of another woman being in our bedroom (clothing) he lost his mind and was inches away from my face shouting and turning it all on me. He did this before too when I caught him out trying to cheat on me with a workmate.
I’m just really scared and anxious and just wanted to know if it will get better and what to do? Family or degree? I don’t want to rip little one away from their dad but I’ve been so depressed with all of this I’m at breaking point.

Good luck fingers crossed for you both.x

Thank you all so much. I will update again once I’m out xxx

Good luck!

@AmpleOliveGarden

are you out ?

Not yet, few more days.
LO told me this morning that daddy hit them and kicked them when they were crying, can’t see any marks but doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Absolutely heartbroken.

And to follow on from that I will not be leaving them alone till we go.

Sometimes more preparation is better.
But make sure you are as safe as can be and lo.and get help with keeping him away legally x

I'm concerned that he is now escalating to violence. Please OP pack a go bag discreetly for you both and then get yourself away from him by any means necessary. Don't wait for a moment longer than necessary

Update. We are out and we are safe.
thank you everyone xxxx

I am so pleased, and very much relieved.

when you say ' out ' I hope you are far enough away that he suddenly doesn't turn up.

have you told him you have left him ?

I am a good distance away.
Not yet but that’s a problem for tomorrow. Mentioned it to my family and they said just leave it for tonight.

Good ! I wouldn't be telling him yet either.

Sadly now that you are out and safe, the hard work begins - initiating the divorce, discussing maintenance / CMS and him having access to your child.

The most important thing is you were big and brave and you did it - you left him !!!

@AmpleOliveGarden I've been following your thread while I've been on nights and didn't have anything constructive to add, but wanted to send you strength and good wishes for the next stage x

Glad you are out and safe.

Thank you all. I know the next part will be a nightmare too but hopefully things will settle in time. Thank you so much to everyone that’s commented it’s been a big help xxx

Pleased to hear your out and OK. Be gentle on yourself, the next few weeks will be tricky but we'll worth it in the end. I recall thinking- f*ck what have I done..! All a blur now and I'm still going strong. You've got this, keep strong xx

I'm glad to hear your out and safe. Get a good nights sleep it's the start of a whole new life.

So glad to hear you are out. Good luck with rebuilding your lives. No matter how hard it can feel remember you have done the right thing for you and your child. Love and strength.♥️

Glad you're out op.

I wonder if you should be reporting to social services that he's hit your DC?

Thanks everyone. I’ve called those required and it’s in hand.
feel absolutely broken at the moment

you will do. But remember you have done it !
and it's hard.
just take it day to day. even hour to hour when it's really hard.

just remember and focus on you did it, you are out and you are both safe !

and right now that is all that matters.

Well done, well done, well done. How brave you are and what a great parent you are. Keep on going x

@AmpleOliveGarden It's been a couple of days now, how are you ?

You are amazing OP. And an amazing mother to get your child away from that awful man. Sending you love and strength 💜

Sorry it’s late. Today was better out of the last few. Finding it all really difficult, lots of calls over the last few days and mentally not great. He called his family the day after I left telling them I’d taken DC and he didn’t know what my mental state was - but hadn’t contacted us for 24hrs before he started badgering. Absolutely infuriating.
Have let DC speak to him over the phone which has been fine so far. Just bending my head and waiting for it to get nasty/er.

thanks for checking in