Why do I feel like a total b#tch for taking his money

[Gettingdivorced84]

Separated for 3 years, I filed for divorce after 2 years to give us both time to cool down after the separation etc. There was no affairs and no abuse, but he had issues and things that he wouldn't try and get help with.
Anyway he ignored the divorce petition and wouldn't sign it because he realized he was going to have to give me a financial settlement. We have a 6 year old with moderate Autism who he sees regularly. He is a good dad.
My solicitor sent a follow up letter, that was ignored. He then got a solicitor who wrote back to say that he wanted to sort things out amicably. So my solicitor sent him a request for financial disclosure which he didn't give, I gave mine in. After a year of getting nowhere with him and his solicitor , my solicitor said I need to go down the court route and file for Ancillary Relief and now he is facing a court date where he will be ordered to show his financial information.
He has been trying to corner me and ask can we not sort this out ourselves as the legal costs will mount up. He is offering me a paltry amount and even at that, it is killing him to have to give me anything. He is telling me how much his mental health is suffering etc. I feel so awful, I still care about him and I certainly don't want to take him to the cleaners. I just want whatever I'm owed so that I might possibly be able to get my son and I a deposit for a home.
I will add that the marital home, is his and he bought it before I met him. I also worked full time up until I had my son and it was agreed I would be a SAHM and then I worked part time.
Am I being a total CF here? Am I out of order for going down this more aggressive route? I'm walking about with this awful guilt and now worried about him.

You wouldn't have needed to go down that route if he had cooperated in the first place. He's worried about his legal costs but he's caused you to have legal cost making your solicitor chase him. He's also impacted your MH elongating the process. Now he's trying to emotionally manipulate you so you Into getting less. He doesn't care about you or his impact on you. I'm not saying take him for every penny but I wouldn't cave either. Let the court decide what's fair.

How does he think £16k will house his child?

Exactly
Op you need to stop caring about him and his feelings, he gives zero shits about you.
Add up your loss of career earnings and what you have saved him in child care( half) and he will be lucky if it's 50/50

Go with what the court agree, don't throw yours and your sons security away just because he is kicking off.

I think it's more about this than the financial hit OP has taken so far. Having a SEN child doesn't necessarily mean you can't work but it definitely does make it more difficult to work full time and progress in your career, and it can often mean a much longer period of your child being dependent on you than you would have with a child who didn't have SEN.

My DD15 has ASD and mental health problems. I work 4 days a week in a decent job, which fortunately is flexible to accommodate the endless appointments and meetings. I have had several opportunities over the last few years to go for promotion, and at least one of those I can pretty much guarantee I would have got. I had to pass them all up because in those higher roles I would have lost the flexibility that allows me to support my daughter. So having a SEN child can have a long term, cumulative impact on a parent's earning ability and that needs to be taken into account in the financial settlement she agrees with the other parent, especially if that other parent is not going to do their fair share of the extra work that comes with SEN.

OP, you said he's a good father and has your child 3 nights a week, does he (or is he likely to once your divorce is finalised) also split the impact of all the extra commitments with you, or will he expect you still to take all of that hit to your earning capacity, while he continues with his career unimpeded?

OP at the end of the day your lawyer knows best. If the law says you are entitled to roughly half including a share of the house then go for it! Studf the morality police on here and also please stop making excuses for him regarding his upbringing.