Ex says if kids spend time with his parents then that's his time. Even on my days

[kittycymraig]

I'm separated from the farther of my children. I have a good relationship with his parents and they help look after them.

He's just told me that his parents are a legal extension of him, then any time spent with them is actually counted as his time.

So if his parents look after their grandchildren when for me on my days, would that be seen as his time?

My family live two hours away and are not in a position to help with childcare.

I’m divorced and I’d have to say I agree with him. They are his family, no matter how well you get on.

Yes, I think he's right, sorry OP.

Although, for calculating maintenance, I think only overnights count so it should not affect maintenance if they help out during the day (if that's what you're asking about).

His parents are not a legal extension of him. He is an individual. If this is for the purpose of calculating the percentage split for CM payments, it's overnights that matter, a couple of hours spent with Grandma after school doesn't signify.

Yes I agree with him. They’re his parents.

I'd give my adult kid a bollocking for trying to use me spending time with my grandchildren to get one up on their ex.

Is he trying to get out of responsibility for looking after the kids? If his parents look after them on your behalf on one of 'your' days, surely that's an arrangement they have with you.

If they're looking after them on one of his days, fair enough.

I disagree. His parents are individuals and even if he was present when they have the kids it's not his contact time.

I think if Granny is a childminder and you are paying her the market rate, that is your time
or if you are with the child the whole time but you happen to bump into her and all go to a cafe together (etc)
but if she is doing family childcare, that is more 'his' time than yours.

What do his parents say about that?

In what context is the issue .. in terms of maintenance it is calculated on nights .

He’s using The connection between you and his parents against you. I’m guessing he’s totting up the time the kids spend with their grandparents, and extracting that from his own time. What a lovely man.

They only go for a couple of hour after school twice a week.

Legally, would that be seen as time with their dad? Even though it's in days they are with me?

Also, if I am there does that change anything?

No. They are spending time with their grandparents. It’s not his time as they are arranging it with you. You are allowed to spend time with whoever you want on your days. He’s obviously trying to bump up his time in an attempt to sleaze out of CMS.

If he’s not arranging or facilitating (ie there with them), it’s not his time. Tell him to jog on.

For the people saying the GPs babysitting counts as his time... Would that work the other way round?

Like if OP told him he had used up his contact time when she asked his GPs to babysit while both parents work?

@kittycymraig

im confused by why it matters what he's saying.

CMS is counted as overnights.

IMO his parents are individuals who are helping YOU out. They don't stop being 'individuals' with their own minds simply because they are his parents, he's talking shit.

This is about how much time we each spend with the kids.

I have them 60% of the time and him 40%. He wants 50/50 but i disagree. (I won't get into the resons here)

He says because they spend time with his parents when they are on my days that time would be seen as his time. So he says they are not with me 60% of the time.

Start paying his parents £1 and then you can legally say it's paid for childcare.

Why does it matter, "legally"? It's only overnights that affect maintenance.

How many nights do they spend with you? As I understand it, that's what counts.

Week 1 they spend 5 nights with me and week 2 is 3 nights. (We have a two week schedule)

We currently have an informal agreement and he is threatening to take legal action to get 50%.

I can see why you aren't with him anymore.

His parents are also allowed to choose who they see, when and how often. Let him take it to court. The judge will see it as you positively promoting the grandparent grandchild relationship.

If you are with your child, then you are looking after them on your time, and you are merely doing an activity together of visiting friends - it doesn't matter who they are.

Well then his argument doesnt stack up. If the kids are with you (say) 50%, with him 40% and his parents 10% but that time counts as his time, then he is getting 50%.