Ex says if kids spend time with his parents then that's his time. Even on my days

[kittycymraig]

I'm separated from the farther of my children. I have a good relationship with his parents and they help look after them.

He's just told me that his parents are a legal extension of him, then any time spent with them is actually counted as his time.

So if his parents look after their grandchildren when for me on my days, would that be seen as his time?

My family live two hours away and are not in a position to help with childcare.

It makes no odds for maintenance, it;s based on nights.

Have you compromised on offer schedule of 50:50 to help accommodate his schedule if possible or are you deliberately not doing so?

of course if it genuinely can’t work , fair enough, but if you’re trying to dictate what nights and that’s that, I wouldn’t say that’s as fair either

and using his parents for babysitting does not count as his time

Exactly - If OP is arranging time with the GPs then ex can fuck off

I've not told them. Yet

Yes. Hes right. If he chooses forvthem to spend time woth his paŕents during his time then thats his choice and hes correct

It's not during his time, it's her time and she arranges it with the ILs.

(Correct me if I've read that wrong @kittycymraig )

This is for if it's my time with them and they are looking after the kids

Correct @RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames

If his parents organise it through you, on your days and you are there then it's nothing to do with him,

There's no 'legal extension' - he's talking bollocks.

If that was the case then my ex would have had countless weekends with our girls counted as they had regular time with his parents when in actual fact he didn't see them for years on end!

Surely the grandparents get a say here - do they see it as his time? Or are they just happy to see their grandchildren regularly?

A member of my family was recently in this situation, but with their parents having their children.

The legal advice they received was that the time was discounted so it didn’t count towards either of the parents time.

This was for an overnight plus a day (just under 24 hours).

I misunderstood. Then hes wrong and bonkers.

@ARichtGoodDram im not always there. They go after school twice a week for a couple of hours

@kittycymraig can you just get gp;s to come to your house and he wouldnt know

Grandparents have zero rights, so it's not his time it's their time with your agreement.

He's being an AH.

Speak to CAFCAS.

If his parents were not available for one of those evenings- would you have to find other childcare, or would he? It sounds like they are still your responsibility, when they are there?

Yes I would have to find alternative childcare or have to take time off work

Tell him he can have the kids overnight on those nights?

If it's on your time then you are free to decide who the children spend time with, including with his parents. When it's on his time then the same goes - he can choose to have the children spend "his" time with his parents.

But if he's claiming that, when it's your time with the children and you choose for them to spend time with his parents, that that magically makes your time his time, then he's talking utter bollocks. It doesn't work like that.

It's your time because you are default parent.

Its her time because its in her time

No.

"His time" is the days he is responsible for caring for the children. If you make childcare arrangements for your children, and those arrangements happen to involve his parents at times when you are responsible for their care, you are still taking responsibility.

In this circumstance I would say to him, ok 50/50 - you need 7 overnights in 14, what schedule shall we do? If he doesn't then want to commit then the status quo remains and the maintenance (which I'm sure this is really about)

If the grandparents are unwell or have a holiday is he covering that time then? If not it is your time.

I’m confused… if he’s arguing that his parents having them is his time, then surely that means he’s already got the 50:50 he’s asking for? He’s only weakening his own argument…