Ex says if kids spend time with his parents then that's his time. Even on my days

[kittycymraig]

I'm separated from the farther of my children. I have a good relationship with his parents and they help look after them.

He's just told me that his parents are a legal extension of him, then any time spent with them is actually counted as his time.

So if his parents look after their grandchildren when for me on my days, would that be seen as his time?

My family live two hours away and are not in a position to help with childcare.

Or is it just that he wants to claim he has 50:50 residency to avoid paying maintenance?

He’s wrong, by the way. When the children are with you, you are within your rights to find suitable childcare for them. The fact that they’re related to him doesn’t mean that you are not ultimately responsible for them in that time. Assuming you’d be the one who had to take time off work or arrange alternative childcare if they weren’t available?
Do his parents know he’s an arsehole?

I can see why your divorced

Is this so he can claim more financial hardship in a settlement?

You shouldn't have to factor his girlfriend schedule in at all because that doesn't work for you 🙄

Put them in paid for childcare for now tell the grandparents why

They are children not financial pawns

If he's doing this to avoid maintenance he's a pig obviously. Yes they're his parents, but they're also your children's grandparents

Sounds like he is being ridiculous. Is it you that makes the arrangements with the GPs on that day? If DC were poorly and say needed picking up early who would be phoned to go collect them, you? And you pick them up after? It’s your time and your arrangement and he should be thankful you’re making the effort to continue their relationship with his parents on YOUR time

I imagine the "your" and "his" time is calculated based on the number of overnights, rather than the hours in your care?? A couple of hours after school is not the same as having them overnight.

I agree with @ItsAlrightDarling if he says he already is getting more than 40% of time, why is he threatening to take you to court to get 50%?

Or, most likely, is it because he actually still just wants them 40% of the time, but wants to call it 50% so he doesn't have to pay you maintenance??

If you are there then they are still with you just visiting grandparents. It won't make any difference if not overnights. Courts work on how many overnights parents have DC. A few hours after school won't make any difference. Sounds like he is just resentful of your good relationship with his parents.

When I was paying child maintenance, the CMS calculation was based on shared care specified in a court order regardless of whether the actual shared care was the same as specified.

That's what I mean. At that time, if childcare arrangements fall through OP is the one who has to pick up the pieces.

Thank you everyone.

Yes, if his parents are unable to look after them then I have to sort something out not him.

His parents are only a legal extension of him if he is under 18... ie. They are his legal guardians. If you arranged time for them to see / baby sit their grandkids directly with them without your ex being involved I don't see how that's connected to him u less he lives with them but to be sure I would either repost this in legal or bite the bullet and see if you can speak to a solicitor about it, might have to pay tho.

Legal extension?
What nonsense.

Is he trying not to pay any maintenance? Is that why he is being "petty"?

Is he there when your dc are going to his parents after school?

Is this to do with maintenance?

So it’s your time.

I have no idea. He dosn't pay any anyway. The only thing he does is pay half the child care.

OP, I really feel for you. I would say that if it's your days and you would arrange doctors if needed or alternative arrangements if the grandparents couldn't look after them, then it's your day. If it's not to get out of paying maintenance (as you say he doesn't pay any anyway) why does it matter who's time it is? Sounds like he's just being a d**k and trying to control you still.

Is there a reason why you've not applied for maintenance?

My best friend is going through something very similar with her ex. They have a semi informal agreement (through mediation) of 60/40 with her having the two children more. Her ex is going for 50/50 because "it's his right" but has totally flipped out that she's finally applied for maintenance a year after she moved out. How can parents maintain they deserve 50/50 yet don't want to contribute to their children's expenses? It's beyond me.

What a dick!

Of course it's not his time. My mom would slap me sideways if I tried this, because I do not own her time. It is your contact time and his parents have chosen to help YOU in that time, not the idiot that is your ex.

I wonder if he's setting it all up around maintenance. Were you married and have finances been split? It may be around him arguing that he has the DC X% of the time and therefore needs a larger share of marital assets than he would otherwise get.

Tbf he has more of a point there as in that childcare time could be counted as his because they're his parents. Go 50/50, you're almost at that point anyway

Yes but if the OP agrees to 50:50 and he then increases HIS time to actual 50:50 and only let his parents see the DC in OP time what's to stop him claiming child benefit and maintenance from the OP.

The fact that they are providing childcare and the OP is the one to step up and fill the void when they can't means it is OP's time.

Why is he so keen for 50:50? What is his motive and why is OP resisting that?

But if his parents are unable to do it, or there is an emergency, it is the OP who would have to leave work to cover it so she is ultimately responsible for them in that time, not him.

I meant gove him that time as his to get up to the 50/50 and then it's no longer OPs problem.