Ex says if kids spend time with his parents then that's his time. Even on my days

[kittycymraig]

I'm separated from the farther of my children. I have a good relationship with his parents and they help look after them.

He's just told me that his parents are a legal extension of him, then any time spent with them is actually counted as his time.

So if his parents look after their grandchildren when for me on my days, would that be seen as his time?

My family live two hours away and are not in a position to help with childcare.

No he isn't right.

What a twat.

I don't agree with this at all! This is babysitting that OP arranges to cover parenting time that she's responsible for. How is that "his" time? Why would OP be arranging babysitting to cover parenting time that she's not responsible for?

If this went to court you'd need a pretty amazing argument why a very involved parent shouldn't have another 1 or 2 nights a week

Ask him if he wants you to tell his parents that they can't see the kids after school anymore because their son is claiming that this care, arranged by you to cover your time with them, and delivered by two people who are not him, is part of his time with them in order to avoid paying you child maintenance.

Yes. I mean try and do it politely, "professionally", but what would his parents make of this?

Does he actually pay much maintenance, as you're close to 50/50 already?

No, time with his parents doesn't count as time with him on any measure.

He’s right

You are both responsible for the kids relationships with your sides of the family. He can say that the kids being babysat by his parents is fulfilling this responsibility. It’s the equivalent of you not being punished for using a childcare eg nursery during your time.

I am assuming no special circumstances like the grandparents being sex offenders.

It’s very common for non resident parents to use new girlfriends etc to look after the children during their parenting time and that is considered fine. You being available is neither here nor there.

Does he actually want more time, or is he trying to argue that he already does more time?

I’ve just read your post properly and thought that he was using his parents during his time which isn’t the case.

Pay his parents something so you can say that it’s a paid arrangement.

He is wrong- apologies

This

it vey close to 50:50 right now. He’s likely to get it if he wants.

also only overnights count so although he’s broadly right that time with his parents is his (I’m guessing you presume any time or night with your parents are yours) it doesn’t change or count for anything unles it’s overnight.

He's wrong. His parents are not answering extensive of him. If he wants to use his parents fir childcare during his time that's his business. If his parents are happy to provide childcare during your time that's your business. He doesn't get to claim that like he's making an effort with his kids.

I don't know why people think he's right. This isn't time with his parents that he has arranged, it's nothing to do with him.

He wants more time. But he only wants it if it fits his g/f schedule. I have offered him more time but it wasn't the same as his g/f schedule so he refused.

This. I don't understand the problem.

I don't agree at all that it's 'his' time. He's neither with them OR arranging it. Anyway, as others have said it's only overnights that count.

Why don't you want 50/50 though? He can arrange childcare on his time and you yours.

Using the child maintenance calculator, it’s only overnight stays that count. I was told by a legal advisor that it’s only when DC are with him and not with grandparents that count.
If it goes to court I think they look at all sorts of things eg who takes them to medical appointments. I’ve been bullied into accepting less than I should per the Child maintenance calculator to avoid it going to court.

So does he want 50:50 in name only? To prove he is an involved dad to the GF?
if I read it correctly, you have DC eight nights out of a fortnight and he has six? So if he wants 50:50, you would need to agree an extra overnight a fortnight? I don’t think this is worth the expense and stress of court, so you could be better to work something out. Which you have offered and he has refused. So a non-issue, really.
But to your initial question, no, his parents are not an extension of him. He has PR, not them. Whatever arrangements you make with his parents are your business. Presumably if his parents were away, it would be up to you to find alternative childcare?

Legally this means nothing at all. What do you mean "legally" anyway?

If you meant for maintenance calculations then no, only overnight with the NRP counts to reduce the amount payable.

What is he saying it means?

What do his parents say about it? Would they be upset if you said they couldn't have grandchildren because of his nonsense? I don't think it counts either.

I assume he wants 50:50 agreed because then he won't have to pay any maintenance?

give them to him on school days and point out he doesn't do 50/50 because they're at school 25% of the time 😂

No his parents are not an extension of him. What a load of shit.

If its contact/ childcare arranged by you then it's your time. It doesn't matter who that contact/childcare is with. Just like when my Mum took me to my paternal Grandparents house it wasn't time with my Dad.

If there were an emergency whilst DC were with his parents would he leave work on the basis that he thinks it's his time? Or would he expect you to?

I don't understand the point he/you are trying to make? If he wants 50:50, but you are happy with the status quo, then you repeat his argument back at him (that his parents are an extension of him), therefore he already has them 50:50, so no changes needed.

I'd tell him you're playing to put them in ASC those days and see what his response is.

I agree with pp who say start paying his parents £1 per visit. I would make it £3.50 if £5 a visit is too much. Tell them it is to get the kids milk when they are there lol