To cut my losses or fight for equity

[CammoMammo]

DH and I don’t work together. He is controlling and unpleasant. He takes his bad moods out on DS (6), and every 6 months or so, he tells me he wants a
divorce but won’t give me half of the equity for our home and rental because he was already a mortgaged home owner when we met and it was his money that paid the deposit for the rental. He the looks on Right Move for studio flats he’ll buy me.

The problem is, I don’t earn a lot and my car is in his name. I have been gaining qualifications for the last two years, which puts me in the £28k a year salary range but I am so far unsuccessful in securing one. My current take home is £1100 a month but rent for a 2-bed in my town and surrounding areas is about £900 a month.

Another issue is the bloody rental property. It’s 300 miles away, so not an option to move into, but because there is more than £30,000 equity, I won’t qualify for UC, as DWP class this the same as cash in the bank.

He won’t give me a share of the house unless the court orders it, but I will never get on the property ladder again without it, as I only have 22 years until retirement and limited earning potential.

Should I just cut my losses once I find a full-time job and let him have a quick divorce and keep the lot, or should I go through a lengthy, expensive and nasty process go get what I am legally entitled to? Should I call Women’s Aid?

I have no family in the area and he has seen to it that I have no close friends. I am scared of him and can’t wait for him to be back at work tomorrow.

Sorry for the lengthy post. I think I just needed to get this out of my head and into my phone.

You’re not automatically entitled to 50%
youre entitled to a fair share - which might be 50% or more or less

the amount will look at needs of both parents to house themselves, amount of assets available inc pensions, length of marriage etc

how much equity is there?

Ultimately you’ll need legal advice as to what a settlement could look like . A court will assess based on your earning potential and will look to sever financial ties as quickly as realistically possible.
wgat does your dh earn?

what job did you do before you fad your ds as you mention only 20 years to retirement

Sorry, I know I am not entitled to half but he refers to everything as ‘his assets’.

There’s about £300k of equity and over £100k in cars bought during the marriage.

He currently only earns £70k. He used to contract at £400-£600 a day but the work dried up last year. I worked in general admin, so fairly low paid.

I just don’t know if I have it in me to go through mediation and then court.

Well unfortunately fir him he married you they’re joint marital
assets

what does. 2 bed cost in your area?

with a lower income and a child you’ll be due. Sizaable chunk. Maybe half

i can see why he diesnt think you should get half if it was his before marriage but you are married so legally you’re entitled to a share. You should see a solicitor

i meant it’s unfortunate for him he married if he doesn’t realise this is a legal
contract that entitles you to a share

and as a lower earner with a child you a have a strong cases

@millymollymoomoo a two-bed is £850-950

He knows it’s unfortunate and the only reason we are still together is that I can’t afford to leave and he doesn’t want to lose ‘his’ assets.

how long have you been married ?
Time living together before marriage?

I meant to buy
would 50% but you a 2 bed with a mortgage of say 60k?

How long have you been married ?

It probably would, yes. Most 2-beds are closer to £300k but some do come up for around £260k.

Married 9 years. Lived together a total of 10.

Alternatively, 2 bed flats in my hometown are £80-100k. I would happily buy one there and rent out until I retire.

You need to seek legal advice but I’d say there’s a high chance you’re looking at 50% of equity possibly a bit more, depending on other assets so it’s definitely worth ‘fighting ‘ for

Thank you for this and all of your replies. My priority is to find a full-time job that isn’t an hour away and to then get through the probation period so I can secure a rental.

This isn’t a short marriage
and they’re not his assets
They are joint assets from a decade of marriage with a child to provide for

so he doesn’t get decide what he gives. If necessary court will and you’ll come away with half or more most likely

Don't rent. You are entitled to a fair share of the assets. His opinion don't matter.

You sound very ground down. I think women's aid would help you here.

In the meantime, can you collect evidence in secret about your finances etc? Will he try and hide assets?

Finally, don't buy a flat to rent out, the tax on it would be big and the stress of being a landlord.

Don't just walk away OP. As you're married the assets are now joint, so you should get a share. His pension will also go into the pot, and if he was earning a huge amount previously, this could be a sizeable amount.

It would be worth making a call to Women's Aid, or investing in an hour with a solicitor, just to get an idea of what you may be entitled to. Don't forget you'll also get child benefit, child maintenance from ex, and may be entitled to other benefits as a single, low earning parent. Choose a solicitor who specialises in divorce. He knows what he's likely to lose, hence why he's trying to fob you off with a studio flat.

Remember all assets are joint and must be shared. It is not just the house equity but pensions, savings, investments, bitcoin, cars/bikes, expensive camera equipment etc. It all adds up. Please seek a one off consultation with a solicitor who can explain about your particular situation better. Knowledge is power and at the moment your H is relying on you having no knowledge, just fear.

20 years to 68 so 48 and been together since 38 with a 6 yo?
What job were you doing prior to marriage, can you go back to that?

There's no " he won't give me" - he will be bound by law to give you a share of any marital assets.

All assets and earning potential is considered, likely to be about 50% based on everything you posted (taking into account premarital assets but also you needing to be housed) but far better you come to arrangement between you. Have you tried writing down on a spreadsheet all your assets including pension and also the minimum you need to be able to afford the mortgage - is half the equity , £150k , enough?

Thanks, everyone. I know I am entitled to my share but it will nasty and I have no support network. I need to move out. While some couples do manage to live in the same house while a divorce is going through, this will get dragged out for years and I am not prepared to put myself or my son through that. I just want to move on and have this man be nothing more than someone I discuss our child with.

22 years. 46 with a 6yo.

I did low paid admin work. Minimum wage stuff.

He will easily be able to hide £100k of assets and get them devalued. He’s a clever and sneaky man.

Given high rental costs you need to buy a home to occupy in your income bracket. Having a buy to let will interfere with your benefits probably without making you much money and being a PITA to manage. I don’t know what you mean by rental property in your OP.

You need help at some point with finding a well paid job. This means addressing whatever is restricting you. What is the issue? Are you limiting options or do you need help with applications, CV or interviews? Whilst this should be a medium to long term goal, ending the marriage is a now issue.

On the face of it you will get a bigger share of equity without much fight. You earn less and will probably have more outgoings if the child lives with you.

The reality of this situation is that he has very little power but a lot of hot air. I would speak to women’s Aid and start keeping notes ( hidden behind password on phone) of his threats and anger. The divorce threats along with leaving you broke in a studio flat are abuse and coercion from a sad pathetic man. I’d be looking to get an occupation order to stay in the family home. Assume you will pick up the mortgage and bills, but factor in UC and child support.

Get help and look into legal aid, report the abuse, get an occupation order, file for divorce and get what you are entitled to. Don’t underestimate him but the more he blusters and buffoons, the less effort he will make to stop you using the legal system to get what you are entitled to.

But don’t make his mistake in verbalising threats or arguing with him. He doesn’t need to know what you are doing or why. Make your plans without telling him. You won’t be required to mediate or directly negotiate with him.

The really important thing to do is secure the property if it is safe to do that.

Not wanting any part of the assets is fine, however be careful as I wonder if this could be seen as deprivation of assests when it comes to universal credit etc.

Are you in England/Wales?