To cut my losses or fight for equity

[CammoMammo]

DH and I don’t work together. He is controlling and unpleasant. He takes his bad moods out on DS (6), and every 6 months or so, he tells me he wants a
divorce but won’t give me half of the equity for our home and rental because he was already a mortgaged home owner when we met and it was his money that paid the deposit for the rental. He the looks on Right Move for studio flats he’ll buy me.

The problem is, I don’t earn a lot and my car is in his name. I have been gaining qualifications for the last two years, which puts me in the £28k a year salary range but I am so far unsuccessful in securing one. My current take home is £1100 a month but rent for a 2-bed in my town and surrounding areas is about £900 a month.

Another issue is the bloody rental property. It’s 300 miles away, so not an option to move into, but because there is more than £30,000 equity, I won’t qualify for UC, as DWP class this the same as cash in the bank.

He won’t give me a share of the house unless the court orders it, but I will never get on the property ladder again without it, as I only have 22 years until retirement and limited earning potential.

Should I just cut my losses once I find a full-time job and let him have a quick divorce and keep the lot, or should I go through a lengthy, expensive and nasty process go get what I am legally entitled to? Should I call Women’s Aid?

I have no family in the area and he has seen to it that I have no close friends. I am scared of him and can’t wait for him to be back at work tomorrow.

Sorry for the lengthy post. I think I just needed to get this out of my head and into my phone.

Thank you. Unfortunately, there’s no one to support me through this. I will be entirely on my own, which is what makes it so much more daunting.

OP

You aren’t on your own, you have MN, which can be very supportive. You can also look into abuse survivors groups and the like as a way to make supportive networks.

As he has little pension, it may be a good idea for him to get more/most of the rental flat equity in a settlement and you keep your pension. Then the house equity split according to balance of assets and needs.

The courts would also be very unlikely to allow you to walk away with nothing either.

you need legal advice and you need to contact women’s aid

it feels so daunting because you are so used to living with a man who tells you how it’s going to be, you need clarity from someone that isn’t him

Thank you. MN is a mixed bag. I first joined in December for support after he told us to leave. I asked MN if anyone knew if it was possible to get UC if you have a rental because I needed to leave. The abuse I got was awful, as if I must be rich to have a rental property and how dare I even consider claiming UC. It was purchased because my husband won’t get a pension. It cost £70k (now worth about £75k). We make nothing from it after mortgage and fees, and pay in the region £750 a year in tax for it. No one seemed to read that part. I just got slammed for being greedy. I then didn’t come on here for months. I have since see a different side, though, and I am pleased I came back.

Take a look at this website which is government funded :- https://divorce.wikivorce.com
I self represented through several financial hearings with a lot of their advice and support, with much of it coming from legal experts.
Your husband does not get to decide what assets you leave with, the Judge will decide what's fair. Be strong and stay strong, think about your future and that of your child's.

Wait... you have a family home AND a rental? Both will need to be sold, or he buys you out of your share.

This is why you need a solicitor, even if only for a paid one off consultation.
Get details/approximate worth of ALL assets of yours, his and joint before seeing them. Then will explain the process and what will likely be accepted by the courts. Can one of you move into the rental until divorce/finances are legally sorted?

If you use equity from house sale to buy another property you'll be entitled to UC. Any child maintenance you receive will be disregarded in your UC application. Please don't listen to his shite. He knows you're entitled to at least 50%. Also do not reveal what you know. Good times are coming for you but you need to box clever for you and your son.

The rental is 300 miles away in an area we have no ties to. The rental is the reason I can’t claim UC.

I honestly just don’t know if I have a two-year legal battle in me.

Thank you. I will look through this in detail later.

I don’t think I will be able to buy another house. I would just keep the money is savings, which means I won’t get UC.

Please speak with Women's Aid or a solicitor. You're probably better off than you think. You have 2 properties to sell which should give you a good deposit. You could take out a long term mortgage then downsize when the children leave home.

I won’t qualify for much in the way of mortgage. Best case is I get 50% of £400k, but he can easily ditch £100k of that by selling his cars off cheap to a friend. I have no idea what that would leave after legal fees, etc. A 2-bed in part of the country is about £260k. On a salary of £30k, I don’t think I will be able to get a big enough mortgage. Also, I am 46, so I can’t get an extended mortgage term.

Possibly , or you can apply for ancillary relief ( like temporary spousal) until divorce sorted
i cant say with guarantees if you’d be successful but an option to explore

if you got 50-60% of equity, plus work full time, plus get cms and child benefit plus any other benefit top ups you might qualify for you’ll be ok ( more so ). You just need to find some inner strength to ensure you can stand up to him

Make photocopies of, for example, the log books of his cars. Get valuations on autotrader. If he sells the cars cheap the deprivation can come from his share.

Buy a small property outright with your share of the equity (the 200k) so you can manage and get benefit top ups. Even if this is a one bed flat that you buy and you sleep in the living room.

So 50% of that is 200k, plus you’d be able to get in region of 100k mortgage

as he has higher mortgage ability you might even get more than 50% to balance that out

plus child benefit, plus child maintenance, plus help with childcare fees etc.

Thanks. On my current salary, I can’t pay the mortgage. It’s £100 a month more than I earn. I also have no wish to stay in the house; I hate it with every inch of my being. It’s falling apart and full of junk.

I am desperately trying to get a full time job but in my field in my area, they’re all part time.

Thanks. He has cameras in his office, so don’t know if I can snoop but will try.

I don’t live in an area with many flats, which is why I thought about buying in my hometown and renting it out. Once I get a full time job and move out, I will have space to look into everything.

There is no way you can lose if it goes to divorce court. You are a woman and there is a child involved. Your husband can not win.

You will probably find the court will not sign off a financial order in which you just walk away. This happened to me and because ex-h won't cooperate it looks as though the court will end up forcing a split of assets.

I got so sick of him calling me a gold
digger yesterday for the hundredth time
in the last year that I said I would just sign everything over to him/take my name off. I am just so sick of being called names almost every day.

This is financial coercion. Go to Women's Aix or a solicitor to get good advice. Do not sign anything he puts in front of you!

Thank you. I will do this.

And thank you to everyone else for your replies.

You are trying to find objections and impossibilities to getting divorced because you know what lies ahead.

I did it too. I argued with myself.

But; it is going to happen. Whether you like it or not the house is a huge asset.
Do not sign anything. Do not leave the house.
Everything you try and bargain with yourself "this will save fuss and a battle" will make it all messier and harder.

Step by step. All you can do.

You do not what to get "divorce exhaustion" and agree to things before you have even started.

I am not sure you should be looking for a new job at the minute. Not the right time IMO.

Make sure you take DC to ALL apts for dentist/doctor etc. You.

I agree with almost everything you say but I want to leave the house. It’s full of DH’s junk and it’s a 100 year old money pit. I also need another job. I can’t support me
and DS on £1100 a month. I need a full time job.

My husband takes over and pushes me aside when it comes to hospital appointments. I think it’s all part of people’s perception of him. He’s very much an in-public dad.

You need legal advice to see what you are entitled to - don’t back down