To cut my losses or fight for equity

[CammoMammo]

DH and I don’t work together. He is controlling and unpleasant. He takes his bad moods out on DS (6), and every 6 months or so, he tells me he wants a
divorce but won’t give me half of the equity for our home and rental because he was already a mortgaged home owner when we met and it was his money that paid the deposit for the rental. He the looks on Right Move for studio flats he’ll buy me.

The problem is, I don’t earn a lot and my car is in his name. I have been gaining qualifications for the last two years, which puts me in the £28k a year salary range but I am so far unsuccessful in securing one. My current take home is £1100 a month but rent for a 2-bed in my town and surrounding areas is about £900 a month.

Another issue is the bloody rental property. It’s 300 miles away, so not an option to move into, but because there is more than £30,000 equity, I won’t qualify for UC, as DWP class this the same as cash in the bank.

He won’t give me a share of the house unless the court orders it, but I will never get on the property ladder again without it, as I only have 22 years until retirement and limited earning potential.

Should I just cut my losses once I find a full-time job and let him have a quick divorce and keep the lot, or should I go through a lengthy, expensive and nasty process go get what I am legally entitled to? Should I call Women’s Aid?

I have no family in the area and he has seen to it that I have no close friends. I am scared of him and can’t wait for him to be back at work tomorrow.

Sorry for the lengthy post. I think I just needed to get this out of my head and into my phone.

Nope. The hospital appointments is a direct ploy.

Its why I mentioned it. It is common for abusive men to do this so in court they get custody 50/50 whatever. Say they were the main carer.

Just been through it.

You will be accused of all sorts of bad parenting. He will try to get his way money wise by threatening you with getting your DC.

You need to be on your guard. This man sounds creepily like my (Very) STBXH.

You seem to be determined to leave the marital home and take DC. He could play this as parental alienation.

You have to get legal advice asap before doing anything. He sounds so manipulative and he sounds like he has a plan.

Does he insult/shout at you infront of DC?

Do not 'cut your losses' - that's what he's trying to make you do as it benefits him and disadvantages you.
Fight for your rights!

You aren’t fighting for you you are fighting for your son. The courts see this type of man daily.

You move out with your child, get to safety - make sure it’s in writing

Then you look for a job in your new area.

Claim legal aid and fight him through the courts. Ensure your name is on the deeds of ‘his’ property so you are told of its put up for sale. I don’t know the name of this document - sorry.

You should be entitled to a decent chunk so you can retire knowing you have a roof over your head.

Check entitled to for benefits - you’ll be a low earner so claim.

Oh wow! I am so glad you are almost at the other side.

To answer your question, yes, he does call me names in front of our son.

Well, I would report this to the police.

... you will feel so much stronger once you start taking control.

I even lost control and access to my own bank account. I had become absolutely pathetic. A complete shadow of myself.

Not now!

Oh my goodness. That’s awful. I am so pleased you are out of it now.

This is why I need to be in a more stable place financially. When things blew up at Christmas, I was blindsided. I need to have the means to support me and DS and a home to go to so there’s minimal impact on him. I want to just be able to tell him this is Mummy’s new house now and you’ll live here and with Daddy. I don’t want him to witness fighting and nasty remarks or my things being thrown onto the street.

I agreed to a really shitty settlement because ex-h was threatening me. All was signed and agreed, the forms were sent off to court. Court came back and asked was this agreed to readily or did I feel forced to sign. I wasn't going to lie. I said I felt forced to sign, so the court refused to sign off the financial order and told ex-h to come up with a more reasonable settlement.

However, my solicitor said that even if I were to say I'd signed readily, court would probably still not have signed it off. I think they do this (and don't just rubber stamp any agreement) in order to prevent financial abuse.

@Busybusybusy73

Thank you for sharing. This is actually really good to know. As I don’t have any moral support in my corner, I feel like I should just give him what he wants.

Turn off the internet and say it went down and you had to reboot a few times. This will give you the opportunity to investigate the office. Take photos before you touch everything so you cam make sure it looks exactly the same when you've finished. Scan or photograph everything and email to yourself to a new email address.

You need support from Women's Aid/Refuge. You're very vulnerable and you're obviously very scared of him. Don't walk away from your assets. He sounds vile. You can do this!

Thank you. This is wonderful advice. I already have a secret email address where I log incidents where he’s been awful.

I am off work for half term this week, so hopefully I will get the chance.