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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I need help…completely broken…separating from husband

801 replies

Broken12 · 11/04/2024 07:06

3 days ago my husband admitted he wasn’t working on our relationship anymore. A year ago he told me he didn’t know why but he wasn’t in love with me anymore but wished he could be. We’ve tried for a year (well he says he has). We’ve had counselling. I said I can’t carry on without hope so it’s over.

I’ve asked if there’s anything we can do to stop this happening but he’s said no. Married for nearly 6 years, together for 15 and a 1 and 4 year old. We’ve told our families now so it is real.

I just don’t know how to survive. Im completely broken. We had the perfect life on paper, all we ever wanted. But it’s not enough for him. We had a difficult few years conceiving our 2nd and 2 miscarriages but we got there. I’ve asked him to move out as I can’t bear seeing him every day knowing I can’t be with him. He won’t go until we’ve looked at all our options re the house and decided should we sell or who should move.

I’ve stopped talking to him unless it’s about the kids or our situation. I’m completely broken and struggling to eat and sleep. All I want is to be loved and feel wanted. This is not the life I want. I just don’t know what to do, life was so much easier when I was living in denial.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/08/2024 12:36

So are you still in the house
is it up for sale, or have you both figured out a way for you and the children to stay in it ?
or does it need to be sold so he can have a deposit on a place of his own.

your little one starts school very soon now.

BirthdayRainbow · 22/08/2024 14:51

@Broken12 nice to see you again. You don't have to apologise for not posting. This is your life and you deal with it as you want to 💐.

It is crap right now but it will eventually be over. Get through each day the best you can.

I am finally divorced, have sole my house and bought another. I can't wait to be away from him geographically. But I'm struggling with what he's done over the whole relationship and how sad I am. Just so sad.

We can't miss them as they aren't who we thought they were but still do.

Original poster
Broken12 · 22/08/2024 18:46

He was going round in circles so in the end I told him I’m not moving and he’s figured out a way for me to stay in the house until at least my youngest starts school In 3 years (so he gets a place at the same school)

I’m glad you’re finally divorced @BirthdayRainbow. I’m just looking forward to him moving out now. I’m still sad about what we used to have and could have had in the future but he’s just not the same person anymore (Altho he keeps saying he is)

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 22/08/2024 18:52

Just because he says it doesn't make it so. Focus on you.

Queencam · 22/08/2024 21:04

Sending love and strength to you both. These bastard men! Wtf is wrong with them honestly

BirthdayRainbow · 22/08/2024 22:17

Thanks @Queencam, I'm struggling as can't understand why he's behaving as he is and have been told that it would make no sense even if I knew and to stop trying to work him out. It hurts when it is my children he is treating badly and he's devastated me after nearly 30 years together. How are you supposed to just brush that off?!

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/08/2024 06:53

@BirthdayRainbow its how he is with the kids that p*sses me off so much! I was away 12-20th with the kids and my family (a holiday he was originally booked on) he spoke to the kids once whilst we were away for a whole 8 minutes and only after I called. Then this bank holiday you’d think he’d want to spend it with them…no he only wants them Saturday and is planing to have them in the car for at least 4 hours to go have lunch with his family. How exciting for the kids!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 07:57

@Broken12 can you refuse to let them go? That's not a nice trip for them. Reminds me of my mother not wanting me for Christmas Day. After I was one I never spent another one with her.

I'm not in a good place today. He's coming to pick up ds2 who feels his dad's actions to now take him out after 13 months of doing very very little, are forced. I'm so anxious.

I hope you have a good day.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/08/2024 08:14

He’ll have to just deal with their grumpiness and hopefully it will make him realise! That’s so sad 😞

oh that’s so sad for your little boy. This is what I’m worried about happening too. How do they just not care? It’s the one thing that has helped me fall out of love with him tho, if he doesn’t have time and respect for his own children then I don’t want anything to do with him.

I hope you get through today ok x

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 08:20

My little boy is 19. Just goes to show all ages feel it. I'd be worried he would shout at them rather than be able to understand how the children feel and act accordingly.

I fell out of love with him when he hurt me but seeing how he has been with our children just makes me despise him. There are no positive feelings for him at all but plenty of negative though I don't think about them if I can help it.

I am still in bed. I keep wondering to ask him to come over earlier to walk the dog as I'm just finding life hard today but any interaction with him is too much. I'll force myself up. Have plenty to do today and hopefully will be able to shake this mood. It's not all caused by him.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/08/2024 16:10

BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 08:20

My little boy is 19. Just goes to show all ages feel it. I'd be worried he would shout at them rather than be able to understand how the children feel and act accordingly.

I fell out of love with him when he hurt me but seeing how he has been with our children just makes me despise him. There are no positive feelings for him at all but plenty of negative though I don't think about them if I can help it.

I am still in bed. I keep wondering to ask him to come over earlier to walk the dog as I'm just finding life hard today but any interaction with him is too much. I'll force myself up. Have plenty to do today and hopefully will be able to shake this mood. It's not all caused by him.

Oh I hope you’ve managed to get up and out and lifted your spirits a bit. Xx

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 16:54

I kept busy then he dropped DS2 off and was horrible to me then left. I suppose the saving grace is he didn't see me get upset but unfortunately I demonstrated to DS2 a lot of my swear words. He just came and found me and gave me a hug.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/08/2024 18:19

BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 16:54

I kept busy then he dropped DS2 off and was horrible to me then left. I suppose the saving grace is he didn't see me get upset but unfortunately I demonstrated to DS2 a lot of my swear words. He just came and found me and gave me a hug.

😞 I wish I could give you a big hug right now! Men 😡

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 18:36

Thank you. I just don't understand why he's being as he is as it is 100% his fault I divorced him and he's caused me unreliable pain. Fucking twat. You'd think there might be some bloody humility and show me some respect and kindness.

Original poster
Broken12 · 23/08/2024 20:25

Playing the victim so he doesn’t feel so bad!

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 20:51

it won't work. Kids are not impressed with him

Original poster
Broken12 · 28/08/2024 20:18

Hope you’re ok @BirthdayRainbow

i finally for the divorce application through today…felt like a kick in the teeth even tho I don’t want him anymore. Just words I never thought I’d read and now I’m in bed crying

OP posts:
Sheepdog49 · 28/08/2024 20:32

Broken12 · 28/08/2024 20:18

Hope you’re ok @BirthdayRainbow

i finally for the divorce application through today…felt like a kick in the teeth even tho I don’t want him anymore. Just words I never thought I’d read and now I’m in bed crying

Sending you a huge hug. I have been right where you are and happiness felt impossible. It’s not…. You’ll go through this and the sun is waiting on the other side. Bed and crying and Netflix and pizza are all good company in the meanwhile. Hang in there xxxx

Original poster
Broken12 · 28/08/2024 20:35

Sheepdog49 · 28/08/2024 20:32

Sending you a huge hug. I have been right where you are and happiness felt impossible. It’s not…. You’ll go through this and the sun is waiting on the other side. Bed and crying and Netflix and pizza are all good company in the meanwhile. Hang in there xxxx

Show quote history

Thank you. I’d been going ok but then this coupled with him actually having a move out date I think has just been a lot of reality all at once xx

OP posts:
Queencam · 28/08/2024 20:49

Sending you a hand hold OP. This must be so incredibly hard. You are brave, strong and resilient and don’t ever forget that. Your kids are lucky to have you. You will find happiness on the other side x x x

BirthdayRainbow · 28/08/2024 20:52

It really is a big moment @Broken12 but well done for doing it. After I told my now ex h I was filing I still took another two days to do it and the had to have my eldest with me when I pressed submit.

It is the loss of the future we signed up for and the memories that turned our not to be as we thought.

But you will be okay. We are women, we are strong, we can manage perfectly well. We will all thrive.

Original poster
Broken12 · 28/08/2024 21:11

Queencam · 28/08/2024 20:49

Sending you a hand hold OP. This must be so incredibly hard. You are brave, strong and resilient and don’t ever forget that. Your kids are lucky to have you. You will find happiness on the other side x x x

This made me cry. Thank you. Xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Broken12 · 28/08/2024 21:12

BirthdayRainbow · 28/08/2024 20:52

It really is a big moment @Broken12 but well done for doing it. After I told my now ex h I was filing I still took another two days to do it and the had to have my eldest with me when I pressed submit.

It is the loss of the future we signed up for and the memories that turned our not to be as we thought.

But you will be okay. We are women, we are strong, we can manage perfectly well. We will all thrive.

That’s exactly what it he, it’s the future we had imagined that will be no more.

But we will get through this and we will be better off for it xx

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 28/08/2024 21:56

Sorry for typos.

That's exactly it. I'm 13 months on since we split and a month since the divorce and I'm mostly doing fab. Just upset at him treating me like shit and not speaking to me in a way that one would hope for.

helloelsie · 28/09/2024 22:43

How's it going OP? Any updates and how are you coping?