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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBX reducing his income by 80% before completing Form E

159 replies

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:09

Have been waiting three months for STBX to complete his Form E. Now learned that he's changing jobs and reducing his income by almost 80% (£400,000 to £90,000). I was a SAHM for over twenty years and can't support myself yet. I've started a new career that takes time to build and have been applying for jobs but getting nowhere.

I'm slightly freaking out as I feel so helpless. My solicitors think this is a calculated ploy on STBX's part to reduce my settlement and say I should take him to court. We've got two kids at uni. Anyone else been through something similar? What did you do?

We sold the family home in '22 and I have a small flat that's less than half the size of the previous house, but I have bedrooms for both kids. DD lives with me. I don't want to lose this flat. It's home now. The kids and I both need this stability. I'm also near my support network in London and would struggle without them if I had to move somewhere cheaper.

I think STBX is trying to punish me for something even though he caused the split. Feeling so anxious about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:19

Justbetweenus · 09/04/2024 18:18

Are you sure all assets have been declared OP? That’s not much in pension, equity, other investments for someone who’s been a very high earner. Aside from the failed business, what’s it all been spent on? Does what’s been declared feel right to you?

And good luck with the books and interviews.

I don't know for sure. That's definitely everything I know about and everything that's with our investment manager. If there's other stuff, I don't know how I'd find it.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 09/04/2024 18:24

Not sure why you would get £70k

He will pay the costs of kids uni /gap years I'm guessing

So why would he pay money to you ?

And you need to get a job paying more

Or do some courses to get a better job

MississippiAF · 09/04/2024 18:27

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 17:52

@MississippiAF why on earth didn’t her sol include a variation order?!

He has no intention of going back to his old, stressful job. He wants to wind down.

Justbetweenus · 09/04/2024 18:34

Does your fin advisor also have sight of his company pension/s? Was the £400k paid as salary or salary plus bonus? Do you have access to bank statements around bonus time to see if any payments were made to other savings or investment accounts? unless you are 100% sure he’s being transparent (I guess not given the topic of this thread) you need to get forensic!

My friend went through exactly this - she was awarded slightly more than half the assets to recognise her lower future earnings power, so in case your settlement goes this way, you need to establish if the reported level of assets feels legit given his take home (estimate how much was left each month and work out where it went!)

unsync · 09/04/2024 18:54

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 09/04/2024 15:27

I’d be looking for a nominal spousal
maintenance order of £1 a year. That would keep your options open if he went back to the old job (or similar).

This. And you go for all the remaining assets. If you don't have a clean break settlement, you can go back to court should his financial situation change.

This is what I have and it is locked off so that he can't come at me for any potential inheritance. I also got all the house equity and remaining pension. He also tried to play games during the court process. The Judge was not impressed.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 09/04/2024 19:10

I always find the 'I need more money as I have lower earning power' weird, if you wanted to go back to work, your husband earned loads but then stated they wouldn't help fund childcare (like most working families NOT on over 500k 🤨 have to) why would you stay with them?

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:14

OP well done on the book deal. That is amazing, a member of my family is an author. It is so hard to get published. It also takes so much time. She earns little in reality.

I am glad you spoke to your solicitor. Mine said the same... 2/3 years of spousal.
Parity moving forward and a clean break. You supported him throughout his whole career.

You will both need a home and a share of assets. You are both mid 50s.

People get snippity about it (as it is not normal these days)
20 years is a long, long marriage.

VelvetDragonfly · 09/04/2024 19:19

He doesn't communicate with his own solicitor and when I texted to say that the new salary doesn't seem feasible at the moment, he said I would have to just make adjustments.

Why would you even text him that? Don't you realise a divorce means you're no longer operating as a team, like you did during marriage? He's right, you'll have to make adjustments. Your opinion on his new salary is irrelevant, he doesn't have to discuss things with you and for you to jointly agree on what jobs he should take, any more - you're getting divorced!

He may have promised to support DC through uni but he's allowed to change his mind if he wants and it seems he has. So they'll have to get part time jobs and student loans, like anyone else whose parents aren't funding them.

You're not entitled to financial support from him while you build up a career of your choice either. That's stuff couples do for each other and you are now two singles. If you can't afford to live on your £12k/yr (full time?) training(?) period for your chosen career, then you'll have to do what any other singleton does and get a job with full time hours at minimum wage. In the long term that may not be what feels best for you but your priority isn't the long term any more, your priority is funding your own home and lifestyle in the present and if that means abandoning your career then that's what you'll have to do.

You seem to have fallen into the privilege trap of thinking those working dead end jobs for minimum wage could choose to do something different, change their lives, if they wanted to. Realistically though, many can't. And now, it seems, you're one of them. Just be thankful you own this flat and aren't privately renting it. At least that gives you a chance of affording to stay there. Private rents are extortionate and not affordable in London on minimum wage.

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:26

@VelvetDragonfly she certainly is entitled to financial support/equity/half pension.

Half EVERYTHING.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 19:28

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:26

@VelvetDragonfly she certainly is entitled to financial support/equity/half pension.

Half EVERYTHING.

you aren’t in the UK
and this is very clear

it is a lot more nuanced than that

Ozanj · 09/04/2024 19:31

Take him to court instead of listening to randoms on the internet. There’s no way that’s all of his assets

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:32

Yes, you have made your feelings very clear.

You have no idea of the advice I have received.

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:32

Ozanj · 09/04/2024 19:31

Take him to court instead of listening to randoms on the internet. There’s no way that’s all of his assets

EXACTLY

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 19:34

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:32

Yes, you have made your feelings very clear.

You have no idea of the advice I have received.

indeed

but if it’s a spouse is entitled to 50% of everything without consideration of anything - then it’s shite advice for the uk

but given you’re not in the uk, perhaps it’s applicable to where you are

but the Op, it would seem, is in the Uk. So….

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2024 19:38

so you both own both flats - the one you live in and the one he lives in ?

are they of equal value ?

was the purchase of both of them from the proceeds of the house sale ?

was there any money left over ? where is it now.

all assets get split equally, so these ' buy to let ' properties get sold, unless he can and does ! give you the cash equivalent of their actual worth after the mortgages are taken into consideration.

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:48

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 19:34

indeed

but if it’s a spouse is entitled to 50% of everything without consideration of anything - then it’s shite advice for the uk

but given you’re not in the uk, perhaps it’s applicable to where you are

but the Op, it would seem, is in the Uk. So….

Show quote history

Yes.No idea.

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:52

Also OP, I would pay for a forensic search in your situation.

Seemingly all planned.
As PP said, discuss nothing with him, nothing.
He thinks you are niave.Keep it that way.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2024 20:15

AdriftAbroad1 · 09/04/2024 19:52

Also OP, I would pay for a forensic search in your situation.

Seemingly all planned.
As PP said, discuss nothing with him, nothing.
He thinks you are niave.Keep it that way.

She is naive. Depressingly so.

Deathbyfluffy · 09/04/2024 20:19

£70k a year from your ex? Pull the other one.
You’ll not get anything close to that (and rightly so) - you need to support yourself or move somewhere cheaper.

millymollymoomoo · 09/04/2024 20:42

You’ll absolutely get a good split if all assets

he bay be doing it to be vindictive - he may also be doing it because at 55 he was to change his life, to not have the stress etc. I’m late 40s and already can’t see how I can continue working at the stress levels I do

it’s not right he’s expected to continue to earn at those levels to subsidise and income for you - you should get a very decent chunk of capital plus pension and will be able to live comfortably- perhaps not without your 70k maintenance!

Soontobe60 · 09/04/2024 20:54

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 17:57

I'm an author. I've had two books published in the last year. A third on the way. I started in 2020 and currently have a 4 book deal. It's going well, but takes time.

Sorry, but you need to get a real job that pays the bills now. A minimum wage full time job in a shop would almost double what you’re making from writing books. Time to get real.

Happyharper · 09/04/2024 21:14

Really sorry to hear what you're going through OP - sounds really tough.

I naively thought if you were married and you'd supported your spouse to further career while taking onc child caring responsibilities you'd be entitled to 50% of everything and ongoing spousal support in the event of divorce.

My DH earns twice my wage and the wage gap is likely to increase as his career progresses. I'm on maternity leave currently and haven't decided how much to/ if i will cut down working in the future but will keep this in mind just in case!

millymollymoomoo · 09/04/2024 21:19

Op is likely to receive at least 50% if assets. Ongoing spousal may or may not be awarded and certainly questionable to the levels she wants!

millymollymoomoo · 09/04/2024 21:21

@Happyharper spousal is pretty rare , often limited and short term time bound where it is given

in op case it might be a longer term factor based in income and ages - but not guaranteed by any means

tothelefttotheleft · 09/04/2024 21:38

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:47

oh OP, he’s not done this to spite you

he wants to enjoy life more and that means taking a big career back step

You have no way of knowing his motivation.