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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBX reducing his income by 80% before completing Form E

159 replies

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:09

Have been waiting three months for STBX to complete his Form E. Now learned that he's changing jobs and reducing his income by almost 80% (£400,000 to £90,000). I was a SAHM for over twenty years and can't support myself yet. I've started a new career that takes time to build and have been applying for jobs but getting nowhere.

I'm slightly freaking out as I feel so helpless. My solicitors think this is a calculated ploy on STBX's part to reduce my settlement and say I should take him to court. We've got two kids at uni. Anyone else been through something similar? What did you do?

We sold the family home in '22 and I have a small flat that's less than half the size of the previous house, but I have bedrooms for both kids. DD lives with me. I don't want to lose this flat. It's home now. The kids and I both need this stability. I'm also near my support network in London and would struggle without them if I had to move somewhere cheaper.

I think STBX is trying to punish me for something even though he caused the split. Feeling so anxious about it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:38

He's not planning to retire and even on his current salary, he often complains about needing more money. This reduction in salary is completely out of character, which is why it concerned me.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:40

My solicitors think this is a calculated ploy on STBX's part to reduce my settlement and say I should take him to court.

to force him to return to his previous job? no op, i think you’ve misunderstood your solicitor

UndecidedAboutEverything · 09/04/2024 15:40

I agree @brocollilover. I reckon he won’t go back to a big job again. I’d guess he’s having a mid-life moment now the kids are fully grown and starting independent adult life very soon. So he’s got shot of his wife of 20 years and the hard slog of a job where he has to be at the top of his game. He can earn plenty picking up a “small” job now, then maybe some non-exec roles as those tend to be highly lucrative for not much effort. It’s a nice bonus that he can simultaneously use the career change to mess up his exDW’s plans.

It sounds like you’ll need to get your hours up to full time, or take a second job, and learn to cut your cloth.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:42

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:38

He's not planning to retire and even on his current salary, he often complains about needing more money. This reduction in salary is completely out of character, which is why it concerned me.

he left you?
he’s probably started going to the gym and investigating buying a new very flash car

op he won’t return to the big job.

he’s settling in to being single and imagines he’s going to have a sex fuelled few years driving fancy cars

he won’t.

either way…. with two uni children op, you’re entitled to very little. pension yes (although you really have zero?!)

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:43

what’s his relationship like with his children? he will likely be in comm with them

is he in another relationship?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:43

I realise what a fool I was. I left all the finances to him and I did everything in the home and raising the kids. I trusted him completely. He liked for me to be at home so that he never had to think about groceries, laundry, life admin, home maintenance, etc. I thought we'd grow old together. Had no idea it would turn out like this.

When we separated he said that he understood that I would need financial support and he would be fair. Again, I'm the fool who believed it.

I've applied for many, many jobs since separating, have been interviewed three times but never offered anything. I've got a huge gap in my CV and I think my desperation comes across when interviewed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:46

He doesn't see the kids much. He takes DS to Chelsea games but almost never sees DD as she's not into football.

He's gone vegan, is doing the London marathon and bought a new car, but it's a Mini.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:46

op i think the problem here are your solicitors

they aren’t being clear enough with you and consequently you have fanciful expectations

Mrsttcno1 · 09/04/2024 15:46

I think you need to accept OP that best case scenario you will get some pension from him and potentially some child maintenance, depending on how old the kids are, but you’re not going to get anything beyond that.

You need to be applying for anything and everything, just to get some experience and some recent references under your belt if nothing else.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:46

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:46

He doesn't see the kids much. He takes DS to Chelsea games but almost never sees DD as she's not into football.

He's gone vegan, is doing the London marathon and bought a new car, but it's a Mini.

oh i wouldn’t read too much in to him not seeing loads of them. one at uni and one on a gap year.

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:47

oh OP, he’s not done this to spite you

he wants to enjoy life more and that means taking a big career back step

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:48

why did he say he wanted to separate? OW?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:49

My solicitors have said that I would get more of the savings and pension to compensate for his decision to reduce his income so drastically. They've never suggested he could be forced to maintain a certain income.

We also have some rental properties but they're all on interest-only mortgages. With my lack of income, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking on that debt. ExH would get those.

OP posts:
Reugny · 09/04/2024 15:49

OP how old are you?

This is very important as the number of years until you retire has to be worked out.

Reugny · 09/04/2024 15:50

We also have some rental properties but they're all on interest-only mortgages.

They can be sold to free up cash.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/04/2024 15:50

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:40

My solicitors think this is a calculated ploy on STBX's part to reduce my settlement and say I should take him to court.

to force him to return to his previous job? no op, i think you’ve misunderstood your solicitor

Usually this ploy is to try and reduce the asset percentage going to the XW/XH when there are a lot of assets involved. I believe the court can be asked to consider earning ability when dividing the net marital assets if their has been a big change in income to close to seperation. Hence going to court is to fight for a fairer settlement. I think maybe OP has her wires crossed on this and its about asset split not spousal maintenance.

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:50

No OW as far as I know. He just said he didn't love me anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:51

I'm 53.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:52

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:50

No OW as far as I know. He just said he didn't love me anymore.

i’d be very very surprised if there isn’t

op - get a face to face with your solicitor arranged asap. You sound out of your depth and making wholly unrealistic plans

Mrsttcno1 · 09/04/2024 15:52

You’re unlikely to even be able to argue for a bigger portion of savings because at his age he has a ready made argument for the fact that he’s at a stage in his life where he wants to take a step back and enjoy a slower pace.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/04/2024 15:55

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:49

My solicitors have said that I would get more of the savings and pension to compensate for his decision to reduce his income so drastically. They've never suggested he could be forced to maintain a certain income.

We also have some rental properties but they're all on interest-only mortgages. With my lack of income, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking on that debt. ExH would get those.

If they have some equity then he should pay you out your share or sell them and divide up equity as per what you agree financially or the court order you end up with. Interest only doesn't necessarily mean no equity. The mortgage doesn't go down on interest only but the value of the property will likely have risen if they've been held for more than a couple years, so they probably have equity in them.

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:56

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:47

oh OP, he’s not done this to spite you

he wants to enjoy life more and that means taking a big career back step

I've never tried to dictate his job or income, He's always done as he pleased. Just before Covid he spent a few years trying to start his own company. We put our life savings into the effort (over £200,000). Unfortunately, it failed. I was the one asking him to reduce his responsibilities back then, to spend more time with the kids, as a family. He was the one chasing the money all the time.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:58

yes he’s had a mind set change

it’s really not uncommon op

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:58

There is some equity in the rental properties, but not a huge amount.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:59

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 15:58

yes he’s had a mind set change

it’s really not uncommon op

I wish that change involved connecting with the kids. I know they're struggling. The new job will mean moving far away too.

OP posts:
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