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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

STBX reducing his income by 80% before completing Form E

159 replies

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 15:09

Have been waiting three months for STBX to complete his Form E. Now learned that he's changing jobs and reducing his income by almost 80% (£400,000 to £90,000). I was a SAHM for over twenty years and can't support myself yet. I've started a new career that takes time to build and have been applying for jobs but getting nowhere.

I'm slightly freaking out as I feel so helpless. My solicitors think this is a calculated ploy on STBX's part to reduce my settlement and say I should take him to court. We've got two kids at uni. Anyone else been through something similar? What did you do?

We sold the family home in '22 and I have a small flat that's less than half the size of the previous house, but I have bedrooms for both kids. DD lives with me. I don't want to lose this flat. It's home now. The kids and I both need this stability. I'm also near my support network in London and would struggle without them if I had to move somewhere cheaper.

I think STBX is trying to punish me for something even though he caused the split. Feeling so anxious about it all.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 17:55

I've started a new career

what as?

Isitovernow123 · 09/04/2024 17:56

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 17:53

I'd be delighted to work full time. I just can't seem to get the jobs. I've done volunteer work to fill the gap a bit, had my CV edited, etc. If that happens to me I don't know how I'll cope. If I get my flat, I guess I would sell it and leave London, but that will also reduce my employment opportunities. Feeling totally fucked by the situation.

Whilst you may feel like that, use the situation to reset. Just because you may move from London, it certainly isn’t the be all and end all for job opportunities.

Make the most out of you rather than others - kids will be fine at uni, even if they do have to get student loans etc. plus you may find that in selling the flat in London, you’ll be able to live in a reasonable area if you move.

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 17:57

I'm an author. I've had two books published in the last year. A third on the way. I started in 2020 and currently have a 4 book deal. It's going well, but takes time.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:00

how very peculiar to drop that in

so what jobs have you been going for?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:00

ExH seemed to resent the time I put into the writing. He refused to read the books, etc. If I manage to get a full time job, it'll definitely affect my ability to write as quickly as I am now (about 6 months for each book) which will undermine the writing and my ability to earn from it.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:01

why did your career have to take such a back seat given you’re an author OP with adult kids

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:02

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:00

ExH seemed to resent the time I put into the writing. He refused to read the books, etc. If I manage to get a full time job, it'll definitely affect my ability to write as quickly as I am now (about 6 months for each book) which will undermine the writing and my ability to earn from it.

so what are you saying? you can’t work full time and write?

DoreenonTill8 · 09/04/2024 18:04

What did you do when you met? How good was your boom deal if you only got £12K for book deal?

whoneedssixteen · 09/04/2024 18:05

Maybe if he's 55 and been working like mad to earn £400k pa to support non-working spouse and two kids he now wants to cut back. I would if it were me.

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:05

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:00

how very peculiar to drop that in

so what jobs have you been going for?

Anything and everything. Adult teaching jobs related to writing, editing, proofreading, publishing internships, bookshops, libraries, etc. I applied to the Met, a funeral home, a teaching assistant, school receptionist. Lots of museum and arts jobs, as that's what I did before children. Event planning, which I did a bit of 20 years ago. Church secretary, doctors receptionist. I've aimed both high and low, thinking I could build on a lower role. On and on.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2024 18:06

where is your husband currently living ? who owns it ?

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:07

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:05

Anything and everything. Adult teaching jobs related to writing, editing, proofreading, publishing internships, bookshops, libraries, etc. I applied to the Met, a funeral home, a teaching assistant, school receptionist. Lots of museum and arts jobs, as that's what I did before children. Event planning, which I did a bit of 20 years ago. Church secretary, doctors receptionist. I've aimed both high and low, thinking I could build on a lower role. On and on.

Show quote history

and you haven’t got one single interview?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:09

I was at uni when we met. Worked in the arts for ten years before starting a family.

The book deal is decent these days. I'm just starting out, but building momentum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:09

I've had three interviews, none of which led to offers.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:10

i find it really intriguing you throw in a 4 book deal (which is very very very rare and generally for those with huge proven success)

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:10

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 09/04/2024 18:06

where is your husband currently living ? who owns it ?

He currently lives in a flat locally that we both own.

OP posts:
brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:10

i think i’ll bow out, it’s going south

Calllalllama · 09/04/2024 18:11

As your children live with you they will get full grants for Uni and top up loans as my son did, and so at least you don't have to worry about that.
They will have to pay off the loan, but so do many and it only applies when they get a job over 25k.

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:11

brocollilover · 09/04/2024 18:10

i find it really intriguing you throw in a 4 book deal (which is very very very rare and generally for those with huge proven success)

Well, it's not earning much yet. It means a lot to me but I feel like I'm still proving myself.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 09/04/2024 18:12

I applied to the Met, a funeral home, a teaching assistant, school receptionist. Lots of museum and arts jobs, as that's what I did before children. Event planning, which I did a bit of 20 years ago. Church secretary, doctors receptionist.

all of those job require qualifications and experience which I'm not sure you have? Have you looked at supermarkets etc?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:12

I do think the writing has real potential, but it needs time.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 09/04/2024 18:16

Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:12

I do think the writing has real potential, but it needs time.

How do you plan to fund life while this takes its time?

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2024 18:17

OP, the place where you currently live and the place where he currently lives - do the two of you own these outright or are there mortgages on them?

Original poster
Tex111 · 09/04/2024 18:17

He said that he would support me when we decided to file for divorce. I believed him.

OP posts:
Justbetweenus · 09/04/2024 18:18

Are you sure all assets have been declared OP? That’s not much in pension, equity, other investments for someone who’s been a very high earner. Aside from the failed business, what’s it all been spent on? Does what’s been declared feel right to you?

And good luck with the books and interviews.