How to divide children fairly after separation?

[cupcakegirl22]

Me and my ex husband are currently going through a divorce and have 2 children aged 6 and 4. We are about to start mediation for how we will split the kids once the house is sold.

My ex is talking about splitting them 50/50, which is great, but how does that really work in a week that has 7 days? Also the mediator told me during my MIAM that it can't really be 50/50 anyway, so I just wanted to come up with some sort of schedule to present at mediation and go from there. Has anyone been through similar with their kids? what's fair? I'm not trying to take the kids away from their dad at all, I know they will always need him there.

There's also the issue of the kids school, I can't afford to rent anywhere and the only option is to get council housing. I'm pretty certain I wouldn't get in my current area, as it's a very small town. However, my ex is planning on buying me out of the marital home and keeping the kids in the same school as they are currently in. In an ideal world that would be perfect, but I just don't see how it will work if for example I'm housed in the next city which is 40 minutes away. He financially is capable of renting and I suggested once I move, that he could live nearby therefore the kids school won't be an issue. He's adamant on staying put, however. what can I do in this situation?

That is awful for you and your children. It must be agony.

I was responding to the suggestion though that OP should leave her children in the house and not move them with her, and then travel to see the kids.

@Notsuretoputit It was absolute hell and I still struggle with it a decade on.
I don't regret my decision to leave, but I do sometimes think should I have just put up and shut up? After all, he never hit me.

That poster wasn’t saying the kids would live with their dad full time and mum would visit on weekends, they were saying children could stay based in their school and town (because dad said he wont move areas) and the mum will have to travel to take them to school etc. Nobody can make the dad move areas.

Yes, but I was responding to this, which seems to be suggesting that OP visits her children rather than 50/50.

You also aren’t going to just walk into a council house, you go on the list & then you bid for properties. Depending on your banding you can be on that list for YEARS, so actually yes the best thing for the kids is to have their family home and remain there for now/until you are settled. Not to mention that if you are being given a buy out for the house from ex, depending on how much, you will not be eligible for UC or any help towards rent or housing.
^^
If he can buy you out then you’re going to have a hard time convincing a court that the best thing for the kids is to move with you. They can stay in their home, school & community and you will have to facilitate travel between.

Yes I know some parents who split every week. (It’s very convenient for the parents but shit for the kids who hate moving house every few days.)

Anyway OP it sounds very tricky. If he buys you out of the marital home can you use that to rent something local to their current school? They do need to stay where they are, a parental divorce is bad enough without also school move. If that means they have a 40 minute school run to your new location, then so be it. Plenty of kids do a 40 minute school run, including mine.

See a solicitor. If you were married then you’re entitled to a fair share of the family assets, he can’t just keep the house and money and leave you in council housing.

Sorry, I read it alongside the same poster’s comments of

You also aren’t going to just walk into a council house, you go on the list & then you bid for properties. Depending on your banding you can be on that list for YEARS, so actually yes the best thing for the kids is to have their family home and remain there for now/until you are settled. Not to mention that if you are being given a buy out for the house from ex, depending on how much, you will not be eligible for UC or any help towards rent or housing.

If they are able to stay in their family home, stay in their current school, current community with all of their friends etc, then that is quite clearly what is best for them and a court will see that.
^^
It is not in the children’s best interests to be uprooted and moved away.

Apologies if I took it in the wrong way, but it does seem to suggest that the kids would be permanently based at the family home, because if they spent 50% of time living with OP there wouldn’t be reference to them not being uprooted and moved away, rather than the OP having to drive to facilitate their current school.

It seemed a bit scaremongering, but again, apologies if I got the wrong idea.

Eh I'm really sorry divide kids.. anyhow shouldn't you be doing what's best for them and if it's 50/50 then change your schedule accordingly. There happiness comes before anything else with me

@Sooooootired01 @not
@Notsuretoputit

Objectively this works very badly for the children on objective and external measures but I can't fight in court atm unless SS are involved apparently.

I would not have left to have put my children through this. It was not my choice, he left.

@peacocksuite I agree. I left due to abuse. I never thought for one second the courts would agree to 50/50.