Husband doesn't want to get divorced as doesn't want to have to give me anything

[Frenchtoast99]

Basically my husband has ignored the first 2 attempts at sending him the divorce petition, he didn't sign either of them.
My solicitor has since sent 2 letters asking for him to disclose bank statements which he won't do. This has all dragged out over the space of a year. He got his solicitor to write back to mine and to say he wanted to sort it out amicably however when I brought it up with him , it was evident that he has no intention of me getting anything from him.
When I said I could be entitled to £20k , he almost had a heart attack and vowed I would never get that sort of money off him.
So I have no choice now but to go down the Ancillary relief route and the court will then order him to hand over his bank statements.
I've been told this could cost about 10 grand each, if not more.
I really don't know what to do, I just want to get divorced but can't as he won't sign anything, so now I have to go down the aggressive route which I never wanted.
Part of me thinks, should I just stay married for a quiet life as it looks like the lawyers are going to get a good bit out of the settlement, is it worth it?
However I really want a clean slate and if we don't get divorced he can claim things off me in the future, inheritance, any property I buy.
I wanted the settlement to use as a deposit for a house for myself and my son.
For background knowledge, we have one 7 year old son with special needs, who my husband has half the time . The house was his before we met but is still classed as a marital home and I have given up my career to look after my son while my ex worked. We were married for 4 years and then I left for good reason.
My ex is extremely tight fisted with money as it is but I didn't know he would be this bad.
What should I do, soldier on with the divorce or for a quiet life, just give up what I might be owed.
Also to mention I am entitled to more than 20k but I just threw that figure out at him to see his reaction.

[PivotPivotmakingmargaritas]

Go the aggressive route 100% - you were his wife and took time away from your employment to look after your joint child and he doesn’t want to pay anything…. Tough… hope you get a lot more than 20k… my blood boils for you op!!

[ForNaiceHiker]

£20k is peanuts!

im guessing you are in rented accommodation?

[crumblingschools]

Who looks after your son on the dad's time?

[Frenchtoast99]

@PivotPivotmakingmargaritas thanks so much. I really needed to hear that today. My morale is at an all time low with this. I feel like I'm walking round with this constant low level anxiety over it all.

[ForNaiceHiker]

we have one 7 year old son with special needs, who my husband has half the time

so you have separated and living apart?

do you work op? does he?

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker thanks, yes I moved out a couple of years ago and we are in a small 2 bedroom flat, my son and I. I want to try and get us something better with whatever money I am entitled to.

[ForNaiceHiker]

@Frenchtoast99

@ForNaiceHiker thanks, yes I moved out a couple of years ago and we are in a small 2 bedroom flat, my son and I. I want to try and get us something better with whatever money I am entitled to.

do you work op?

does your ex?

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker I have a part time job while my son is at school and I also study part time

[JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls]

Not sure if this will help, but in a similar situation, a friend contacted her exH's parents and asked if they could please have a word with him as the divorce was dragging out and she didn't want to go to court etc.

he signed the papers shortly after.

But I appreciate that situation might not work for you.

I think you should NOT give up on what you're owed. If he won't sign, you'll have to take him to court.

[JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls]

You could try pointing out to him that any additional assets he's accumulated while you're still married will be 50% yours so it's in his interests to settle asap.

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker yes my ex works full time, and he is able to do that as I do all the school drop offs and pick ups.

[ForNaiceHiker]

@Frenchtoast99

@ForNaiceHiker I have a part time job while my son is at school and I also study part time

and he works full time?

[ForNaiceHiker]

who takes child benefits and DLA (for your child iim presuming so?), and are you registered as his carer?

[ForNaiceHiker]

@Frenchtoast99

@ForNaiceHiker yes my ex works full time, and he is able to do that as I do all the school drop offs and pick ups.

so how does he have him 50% of the time

if you want advice op, best to be honest about the situation

[FusionChefGeoff]

@JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls

You could try pointing out to him that any additional assets he's accumulated while you're still married will be 50% yours so it's in his interests to settle asap.

This!! Sounds like this is what would spur him into action. Plus the fact that if court has to happen the solicitors will get many thousands of "his" money.

Hit him where it will hurt him most - in his miserly pockets

[Frenchtoast99]

@JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls thank you, unfortunately I'm not really in the type of relationship with his parents where I could contact them. His dad isn't well and I don't think his mum would care to be honest as they aren't very close.

[Wastedagreatusername]

@Frenchtoast99

@ForNaiceHiker yes my ex works full time, and he is able to do that as I do all the school drop offs and pick ups.

You need to stop facilitating this.

I’ve come across this before. Couple divorce and wife still facilitates ex H’s job and career by doing all school runs, meaning wife remains working part time.

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker he has my son at the weekends and one night during the week , so it works out 3 nights , sometimes 4 a week so it doesn't actually affect his working hours. When he works , our son is in school and after school , he is with me .
And then I have my son 3 nights, sometimes 4 a week so it's technically working out at 50/ 50 custody.
Yes I am the registered career and get DLA for him

[ForNaiceHiker]

@Frenchtoast99

@ForNaiceHiker he has my son at the weekends and one night during the week , so it works out 3 nights , sometimes 4 a week so it doesn't actually affect his working hours. When he works , our son is in school and after school , he is with me .
And then I have my son 3 nights, sometimes 4 a week so it's technically working out at 50/ 50 custody.
Yes I am the registered career and get DLA for him

ok so at least he’s not saying he should get the dla, child benefit and carers allowance (which will total a fair old whack every month)

and does he pay maintenance?

how much equity is in the property?

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker he did however let it slip recently that he may be taking his son half the time so that he doesn't have to pay maintenance and so that he might be able to claim money off me for DLA etc . He didn't say this outright, but I can tell this was a motive

[Riva5784]

He got his solicitor to write back to yours saying he wanted to sort it out amicably, but then refused to sign anything. Actions speak louder than words, his behaviour is not at all amicable. He is giving you no choice but to go down the aggressive route.

[crumblingschools]

What happens in school holidays?

I assume he is going to argue he won't need to pay maintenance

[Frenchtoast99]

@crumblingschools during school holidays , I pretty much look after our son full time as his dad doesn't often take annual leave. He might take the odd day off here and there

[JonVoightBaddyWhoGrowls]

So you don't actually have 50/50 and he's not paying any CMS either?

You really need tog et this sorted asap.

[Frenchtoast99]

@ForNaiceHiker he pays 200 quid a month CM. I think there could be about 80k equity in the property