As a divorced mum, how often are your kids with you?

[LorlieS]

My husband says it's "common" these days but I feel like one of the very unlucky ones.
Court ordered 50/50 since sons were 3 and 6 and then when they were 12 and 15, 12 yo went every Weds pm - Mon am with me and 15 yo just EOW. Abusive ex-husband. Horrifically controlling. He told me that I'd I ever dared to leave him this would be the consequence.
I'm now very happily remarried to a great (and very understanding) man and we have a beautiful 3 yo daughter together.
Of course it still doesn't stop me missing my boys though.
It often feels like such a lonely place.
Anybody else in a similar situation?

Sending solidarity @LorlieS , this sounds really difficult. You’ve had some quite bracing replies on this thread, presumably people who haven’t had to deal with as complex a situation. It is hellish, so sending you strength and hope you can look after yourself amidst all the stress.

Those who ended up with court order of 50/50 who didn't feel that was in the best interests of your child, is there anything you wish you did differently during the court/cafcass involvement?

@Bibbetybobbity Thank you. Whilst I appreciate it must be very difficult having children on your own the majority, honestly having them go 50/50 since just 3 and 6 has been hell. I felt it especially when they were sick and I couldn't be there to comfort them, or on their birthdays and Christmas/NY. We got put in Court Order times we could call as ex was very controlling about this too, but this rarely materialised.
He also deliberately obstructed about things such as permission for school trips and vaccinations. He told them my new husband "could be a paedophile" and wouldn't let him collect them from his, even after we'd been together for years. He told them attending my wedding would be disrespectful to him.
In essence, anything to make my life hell. He told me he would before i left to be fair.
I still attend all events, concerts, parents' evening etc whereas he doesn't, but don't think my boys are that bothered tbh.

@MeThinksTime Cafcass make up their mind long before they speak to you. Nothing I could have said or done would have made a jot of difference. Entirely biased without taking account of factors such as partner abuse/financial abuse etc.

Well that doesn't really have anything to do with how often he's at your house. Even if he was living with you full time you probably would feel like you don't know him if he's just constantly in his room. That's pretty common with teenagers.

@Illpickthatup Yes I guess that's normal for teenagers and not just because he doesn't really like us!

Don’t let anyone question you about needing supper from their Dad . Women/mothers are always blamed and can’t win and almost always in divorce are the ones who lose out either work wise, financially or with the children.

How do they make up their mind? Based on what? @LorlieS

@MeThinksTime Court orders.

Ex has kids every Wednesday night and Eow + 2 weeks holiday with them. I offered 50/50 but he refused. He spent more time with his girlfriend's kids than his own kids, he took October mid term to go to see his girlfriend and her kids and would not bring his kids with him. You will think that he would like to spend more time with them but no