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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Abusive ex won't agree to house sale unless I give him 15k

92 replies

Gaergh · 16/12/2023 12:42

Divorce was finalised in summer. Initially thought that house was worth 350 and had paperwork in bundle stating this, then Zoopla estimates suggested 400. Judgement was made that 120k is ringfenced for me as DC plus older disabled child from prev relationship live with me. ExH gets 'up to' 50k then anything over that is split 50/50. House now not not likely to sell for more than 375k. House was bought with a 90k deposit from my parents, he contributed nothing; in hindsight I can see this was very stupid and he was a cocklodger. Ex has dragged his feet this whole time as he is the one in the house (long story) and house prices have gone down round here even in last few months. Court order states that house to be put on market immediately but we have to agree on sale price. Ex is refusing to sell unless I put in writing that I will give him 15,000 once house sells. He is saying he will take me back to court unless I agree to give him this money. I have no idea what to do; he has dragged me through the courts for years regarding the DCs, reported me vexatiously to police constantly, and made 12 separate referrals to social services (all NFA). He is LiP, I have borrowed money from family to pay for lawyers till now but nobody can afford to lend me anymore. I honestly feel like I am losing my mind. Any advice gratefully received thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 12:45

I would add that at the time I thought he had quite a good deal as if you minus the 90k from my parents, which was an early inheritance (I won't get anything else from them) then I get 30k and he gets up to 50k. Then over that as I said it is to be split 50/50 but this won't happen now as house prices are not as high as they were.

OP posts:
WorriedMum231 · 16/12/2023 12:47

But the courts ordered it go on sale already. How can he stop that?

DustyLee123 · 16/12/2023 12:50

Put it up for sale, as the courts have said. Don’t be blackmailed.

millymollymoomoo · 16/12/2023 13:11

Tbh your post is quite confusing

how much equity is I the house based on current market value?
how much of that is awarded to you
how much to him

is the 15k on top of the ‘up to 50k’ or is the ‘up to 50k))?

so you get 120k he gets now 15k ?

Highly unusual divorce order - what does the wording actually say?

Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:16

Sorry - it is on the market already, the order said it had to be put on the market forthwith ie immediately. We have have to agree on the actually sale price. And he is refusing to agree to sell for anything less than £400k unless I promise to give him £15k or make an amendment to the order, I think it's called a consent order.

OP posts:
Forestdweller11 · 16/12/2023 13:23

How much equity is there?

Personally I think you could spend £15k in legal costs quickly. So it might be worth paying it to get shot. It would stick in my throat to do this but might be best in the long run.

But as you already have a court ordered sale it should be fairly straight forward to action that? To be balanced against how awkward he could get if he's in situ.

Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:26

millymollymoomoo · 16/12/2023 13:11

Tbh your post is quite confusing

how much equity is I the house based on current market value?
how much of that is awarded to you
how much to him

is the 15k on top of the ‘up to 50k’ or is the ‘up to 50k))?

so you get 120k he gets now 15k ?

Highly unusual divorce order - what does the wording actually say?

The 15k is what he wants me to give him, when the house gets sold. So that he gets about £45k and I end up with £105k as opposed to £120. (And neither of us get the part where anything over this gets split 50/50 because it's gonna sell for less than £400k, not more than this)

OP posts:
Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:27

The equity in the house is £155k but at one point we thought the equity would be more like £170k

OP posts:
Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:32

@Forestdweller11 he is an extremely awkward and difficult person generally, he would argue that the sky was green just for the fun of it. Whereas I hate conflict, and am frightened by the thought of going to court, and him in general. He's a serial complainer, complained about social workers when they didn't do what he wanted, it went right up to director level. He made formal complaints about my solicitor, and reported her to the law society or whatever because she didn't give him details of a conversation she had had with me. He is on the verge of making a complaint against the estate agent because I spoke to him on the phone and communication needs to be out in the open. Even though I emailed him and cc'd in the estate agent after the phonecall detailing what was said.

OP posts:
Sodndashitall · 16/12/2023 13:33

Don't agree to this. The court has ordered the sale and has agreed the allocation of assets. Tell him that if he wants to take you that's his problem. And that you will point out to the court that this is the value of the house now and that the value may go down further. No one wins.
You don't need a lawyer to defend this, if he's LiP then you can be too. The judge will throw it out as the previous judgement was pretty clear and didn't rely on an actual valuation as it just specified over £x to be split 50 50

Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:34

DustyLee123 · 16/12/2023 12:50

Put it up for sale, as the courts have said. Don’t be blackmailed.

I do rather feel like it's blackmail. He is completely fixated on trying to make my life as unpleasant as possible even when if affects the DCs. Even though he ended the relationship, not me!

OP posts:
LemonTT · 16/12/2023 13:34

The court order states you need to agree on the price. You don’t. So why not get valuations. He can get one and you can get one then you can jointly choose a third valuer.

Then decide what you will market it at. Then apply the court order.

Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:35

It is up for sale, but now it can't be sold 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MintJulia · 16/12/2023 13:37

As soon as you get an offer, if he refuses to accept it on the terms laid down by the court order, you go straight back to court.

Don't give in to blackmail or he will be back for more.

LemonTT · 16/12/2023 13:38

who lives in the house now?

if you live in it without him then market it for offers over 400k. No one will view and it won’t sell. What skin is it off your nose if you do what he asks.

Ladyj84 · 16/12/2023 13:39

Let him take you to court. I did this very similar situation. I wouldn't be black mailed and once successful he won't stop at it so I said no go to court. He did the judge threw his case out and made him pay my cost for wasting time. Let's hope he is paying the mortgage so you don't end up in trouble with that

Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:40

Sodndashitall · 16/12/2023 13:33

Don't agree to this. The court has ordered the sale and has agreed the allocation of assets. Tell him that if he wants to take you that's his problem. And that you will point out to the court that this is the value of the house now and that the value may go down further. No one wins.
You don't need a lawyer to defend this, if he's LiP then you can be too. The judge will throw it out as the previous judgement was pretty clear and didn't rely on an actual valuation as it just specified over £x to be split 50 50

Thanks.. I think that his argument is that in the court bundles there was one estate agents report saying house was worth £350 or £360 but also some print outs from Zoopla saying it was worth £400 and it says we both agreed this is what the house was worth.

Can a judge throw it out without me having to go back to court? Like if he applies to court. He's talking about "obtaining a transcript from court"; is this even a thing? There wasn't anyone there taking notes on those weird little machines.
He's saying that we both agreed the house was worth £400k in court. So the judge made his judgement on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:41

He is a massive bully and is really enjoying this.

OP posts:
RMNofTikTok · 16/12/2023 13:43

Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:16

Sorry - it is on the market already, the order said it had to be put on the market forthwith ie immediately. We have have to agree on the actually sale price. And he is refusing to agree to sell for anything less than £400k unless I promise to give him £15k or make an amendment to the order, I think it's called a consent order.

Do NOT amend the order.

This is actually blackmail.

Report to both the police and make an application for contempt of court.

mumda · 16/12/2023 13:43

A house is worth what someone can and will pay for it.

I've heard people say "my house is worth X because an estate agent told me". Well house prices can go up as well as down.
So he's being unreasonable.

Until you have an offer and a completed sale, no-one is getting anything.

RMNofTikTok · 16/12/2023 13:44

Also just to add, you do not need a solicitor for financials, you could do it yourself or use a McKenzie friend.

LatteLady · 16/12/2023 13:44

Please tell me he has put this writing...

MothershipG · 16/12/2023 13:49

The Zoopla estimates are not worth anything! They are just a computer generated guess based on previous prices in the area but don't take into account the condition of the property or very local situations, like if you're end of the street is nearer a dump etc.

It also doesn't matter what you thought the house was worth because it is only worth what someone will pay for it

However as he doesn't care about that can you afford to give in just to get shot of him?

Mrsm010918 · 16/12/2023 13:50

Agree to nothing.

Market as it is and when he refuses to accept any offers you can take it back to court on self representation and just state that he is obstructing the sale.

Bonus points if he's put his attempt at blackmail in writing as the judge may well decide that his behaviour awards him an even lower share of the property

Callipygion · 16/12/2023 13:50

The estate agent gave you a valuation based on actually viewing your property (I presume?), that Zoopla thing is just an indication based on your postcode & number of bedrooms, isn’t it? It’s not a true valuation.

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