Abusive ex won't agree to house sale unless I give him 15k

[Gaergh]

Divorce was finalised in summer. Initially thought that house was worth 350 and had paperwork in bundle stating this, then Zoopla estimates suggested 400. Judgement was made that 120k is ringfenced for me as DC plus older disabled child from prev relationship live with me. ExH gets 'up to' 50k then anything over that is split 50/50. House now not not likely to sell for more than 375k. House was bought with a 90k deposit from my parents, he contributed nothing; in hindsight I can see this was very stupid and he was a cocklodger. Ex has dragged his feet this whole time as he is the one in the house (long story) and house prices have gone down round here even in last few months. Court order states that house to be put on market immediately but we have to agree on sale price. Ex is refusing to sell unless I put in writing that I will give him 15,000 once house sells. He is saying he will take me back to court unless I agree to give him this money. I have no idea what to do; he has dragged me through the courts for years regarding the DCs, reported me vexatiously to police constantly, and made 12 separate referrals to social services (all NFA). He is LiP, I have borrowed money from family to pay for lawyers till now but nobody can afford to lend me anymore. I honestly feel like I am losing my mind. Any advice gratefully received thank you

Have you checked your eligibility for legal aid? If you can't get that, find yourself a good McKenzie friend if you are not confident to do the forms yourself.

Going to say this again.

Have you read up on coercive control? If not do so.

Do not tell him about coercive control. This puts you at risk. But this abusive and a police matter. So look at the advice about what to do.

Let him take you back to court and self rep.

You can show what recent similar properties are worth now, if he refuses to sell at £375k the judge can sign on his behalf. It's what SIL had to do in the end.

Thank you this is helpful to know x

If he is refusing to put the house on the market at the market rate, he is in contempt of court.

If you can't afford a solicitor, then you need a Mackenzie Friend.

Check out Rights of Women
www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

Also, if you're anywhere near a university that offers degrees in law, there may be a clinical legal education law clinic where you can get advice or help drafting the motions you will need to draft.

You need to go to the police to report that he has excluded you from the family home, as a step toward getting an Occupation Order. This is abusive. It is coercive control.

You need to be prepared to file motions of contempt of court against him every single time he disregards a court order. Do not be tempted to play nice. It will not stop him.

I urge you to do whatever it takes to get a solicitor, and to have your solicitor go after your ex for fees. I am surprised your sol didn't do this when so much of your ex's strategy was clearly aimed at exhausting your financial resources through vexatious communication.

This is exactly what I would do. Also file for contempt of court every single time.

Have spoken to police numerous times; they have not helped at all. My exH has reported me to them too, for no good reason, so they see it as a "domestic" and refuse to help. On one occasion police threatened to arrest us both for breach of the peace because I had gone to get some of my belongings back.

Rights of Women is always recommended but their advice line is always engaged. I have literally spent hours calling them, set times for just before 7pm on my phone, etc.

At the end of the last court case my barrister said "I reckon the judge would've awarded costs" 🤷‍♀️ suspect that solicitor didnt ask as ex is skint so would take forever to pay them back... 😒

How do I file contempt of court? Is there a specific form or do I just email the family court? ExH has emailed the judge previously when he was trying to be 'clever' with my barrister. It was cringey.

@Gaergh its form FC, you need to write a brief statement to accompany it.

Statement layout is

IN THE (COURT NAME)
AND IN THE MATRIMONIAL CAUSES ACT 1973

Top right put your financial order case number

Then in the centre

BETWEEN:

You (applicant)

• AND -

Him (respondent)

Then a break line
SUPPLEMENTAL STATEMENT FOR THE CONTEMPT APPLICATION
Then another break line

Then use the following headings
BRIEF BACKGROUND
Write who you are, your DOB, your address, and the names of the children, state they live with you
Do the same for him
State you are requesting the court to consider contempt

ISSUES IN CASE
Write how and why he is failing to comply

ORDERS SOUGHT
Request that he is found in contempt of court

STATEMENT OF TRUTH

I believe that the facts stated in this witness statement are true. I understand that proceedings for contempt of court may be brought against anyone who makes, or causes to be made, a false statement in a document verified by a statement of truth without an honest belief in its truth.

Signed Date

FC600, not sure why the numbers didn't post!

I’m not condoning his behaviour in any way but can understand why he’d be aggrieved.
unusual to have a fixed amount awarded to one party while the other is completely variable
so if house sold for say 350k or 325k k you still get your 120k while his pot just decreases further
usually would be more like both parties get % of sale value

But 90k of the 120 k was a deposit from OP alone, so if it sells for 375k they both get a fair amount of equity. In fact OP gets 30k and exdh gets 35k, but he wants 50k. Unless my maths is wrong?

but if it was other way round everyone here could say it unfair that it was ‘ringfebced’ and who pays what due any matter and should be shared - unless of course it’s a woman having to

if op has a signed consent order that is clear then it’s tough for him, and she can have recourse to resolve it , but I can see why he feels put out

Yeah, this is correct.

I think (from my understanding) the issue is that the settlement was based on the incorrect valuation of 400k. So rightly or wrongly the ex thought he was getting 50k and op 120k. Now it's likely to go for 25k less he's the one taking the full hit and op still gets the 120k. I think the problem is that he should never have been entitled to this 50k in the first place, since he contributed fuck all, but that's where he's coming from.

Was it.a short marriage @Gaergh? I'm not a lawyer, so I only have my own experience of divorce to draw on, but I think it's the valuation in the order that's the problem as the division was based on this. I did manage to get my (higher) deposit ringfenced, and then the equity split in my favour as I had 3 kids to house, but the way it was split was valuation, less mortgage, less my deposit and then the remainder split between us (can't remember the ratio, but it wasn't equal - maybe I got 2 thirds or something).

I spent about 8k in legal fees but that was from start to finish, so I wouldn't have thought it would cost anything like 15k to take this back to court. But then my ex was nowhere near as bad as yours so I may be wrong. Also, worth considering, is how long will it take to eat away at this 15k with your monthly mortgage payments that I think you're still paying? That doesn't seem fair either. In my situation it was me living in the house but ex didn't pay anything towards the mortgage and my solicitor was quite adamant that I couldn't force him to.

I think you need to take a deep breath here OP before jumping on some of the money aggressive advice people have given.

As a few people have pointed out this is a badly conceived judgement which was always bring you both into conflict if the property couldn’t be sold at 400k or more.

The inherent problem here is that OP only needs to achieve equity of 120k to be satisfied. Coupled with the fact she is in need of new home asap the OP wants a fast sale and can be resilient to a low price. The ex is in a completely different position he needs to ensure the property sells for at least 170 in equity. He has plenty of time to waste.

Deciding what price to sell at and when isn’t a police matter. It’s also something both of them were ordered to do not just the ex. They haven’t and they both haven’t met the terms of the judgement. Arguably he is on more solid ground wanting 400k if that was the value used in court.

The OP needs to go back to court, at an appropriate time, with evidence the house should be sold at specific price and within a specific time.

Don’t agree. The possibility of the house selling for less has already been covered in the court order - your share is fixed at 120k and his is ‘up to’ 50k. This language shows recognition that there might not be enough equity when sold at selling date market price for him to get 50k. If he takes you back to court ask for him to foot the bill for costs and tell him that you will be requesting this as he’s trying to breach the court order by holding you to ransom unless you pay him more.

@Littlegoth I'm not sure it has been addressed. OP says the incorrect figure of 400k was used and there was a plan for anything over the 170k to be split 50/50. It sounds (to me) like the order was drawn up on the basis of it selling for 400k. As I said though IANAL and obviously haven't seen the order. I 100% agree that ex sounds like a horrible, horrible man, but I'd have thought OP probably needs to go back to court to enforce the sale at the lower price, which I don't know if would be on the same terms? It sounds like it was a bad deal though even at the time since OP isn't even living there and yet is still having to pay essentially half the exes housing costs.

@Gaergh I totally get that you don't want to spend more money on solicitors, but I think it might be money very well spent. With him living there, it's going to be very easy for him to drag this out and put potential buyers off. I really do feel for you, and please don't think I'm on his side, because I'm absolutely not. It would stick in my throat too to pay him even a single penny, but I don't think it's as simple as just saying "no".8

@Fallenangelofthenorth I agree that it’s likely this will need to go back to court if a sale can’t be agreed.

Just a thought, but given the lower valuation, and the fact you were always the one paying the lions share, might it be in your interests to buy him out? I appreciate it would mean going back to court, but if there's less equity than you both thought it might be cheaper and faster to just pay him off? Especially taking into consideration the costs of you buying a new house. Obviously not paying him anywhere near 50k though. More like you get a valuation of 350k - take off your 90k, selling fees etc, remaining equity is (say) 30k so 50/50 he gets 15k but gets released from the mortgage. Is that an option? Or a stupid idea?

I may have missed this info but are you paying 1/2 the mortgage? If so, have you had legal advice about whether you can stop paying this? Just wondering if this would motivate him more to sell/move.

Did the judge at court acknowledge that the house may be worth less than £400k? It seems a very unusual order to make when everyone knows the market is so uncertain currently.

Have you considered a voodoo doll??? <just kidding>

He has no reason to go back to court. He just has to refuse to accept an offer below 400k and carry on living in the family home. The court order stated they need to agree a price. They don’t. He is still compliant with the court order and he is happy with the status quo. He can wait for the right offer.

Its the OP who has to act because she cannot agree a sale on her own and she is the one who needs a fast sale.

I wouldn't want to buy him out because there are so many unhappy memories associated with that house now; I honestly think it would really damage my mental health being there thinking about all the abuse that took place. I just want to move on really. Also I am sure he would make buying him out really difficult and I'm not sure I could afford it anyway.

Yes I have been paying half the mortgage this whole time. Which admittedly has left rather a sour taste as he couldn't afford to live in that place otherwise. He's essentially had the benefit of living in a nice big family home, for over 3 years, partly funded by me.

I think I should have tried to get an occupation order in hindsight, but as stated I was extremely unwell when he ended the relationship, and then immediately after we split he started aggressively pursuing me through the family courts for full custody. I was totally blindsided by this as was not expecting it at all so the little energy I had went on this.