Page 4 | Abusive ex won't agree to house sale unless I give him 15k

Gaergh · 2023-12-16T12:42:21+00:00

Divorce was finalised in summer. Initially thought that house was worth 350 and had paperwork in bundle stating this, then Zoopla estimates suggested 400. Judgement was made that 120k is ringfenced for me as DC plus older disabled child from prev relationship live with me. ExH gets 'up to' 50k then anything over that is split 50/50. House now not not likely to sell for more than 375k. House was bought with a 90k deposit from my parents, he contributed nothing; in hindsight I can see this was very stupid and he was a cocklodger. Ex has dragged his feet this whole time as he is the one in the house (long story) and house prices have gone down round here even in last few months. Court order states that house to be put on market immediately but we have to agree on sale price. Ex is refusing to sell unless I put in writing that I will give him 15,000 once house sells. He is saying he will take me back to court unless I agree to give him this money. I have no idea what to do; he has dragged me through the courts for years regarding the DCs, reported me vexatiously to police constantly, and made 12 separate referrals to social services (all NFA). He is LiP, I have borrowed money from family to pay for lawyers till now but nobody can afford to lend me anymore. I honestly feel like I am losing my mind. Any advice gratefully received thank you

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 01:06

Is this all because he knows it won't sell for £400k, therefore he gets to live there indefinitely, if it doesn't sell?

If you don't want to return to court or give him £15k then all you can do is agree to £400k sale price and wait for the passage of time/inflation to cause the house to be worth that much.

TBH the judge fucked up saying that you both had to agree on the sale price when ex is:

a) abusive
b) living in the house, and
c) doesn't want to leave it

It was inevitable such a term in the court order would cause problems.

If you do go back to court can you represent yourself? I should think you've a good chance of winning given that the paperwork says house is worth £375 and currently Zoopla etc suggests the same. Hopefully a more sympathetic judge would see that ex is just stalling for time and trying to blackmail you for £15k. If you lost the court case what happens? Nothing that I can see, other than you being in the same situation you're in now about having to agree with him. Perhaps there's something I'm missing?

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 01:20

Yes I have been paying half the mortgage this whole time. Which admittedly has left rather a sour taste as he couldn't afford to live in that place otherwise. He's essentially had the benefit of living in a nice big family home, for over 3 years, partly funded by me.

What happens if you stop paying your half of the mortgage and it's repossessed? Does that solve the problem, even if it sells for a lower price (because all they'll be interested in is recouping the outstanding mortgage amount)? I imagine it means you'll have a shit credit rating and lose the £120k minimum the judge awarded you from the equity (because does any equity goes to the mortgage company if they've repossessed it?), but it means you'll be free of any further financial involvement with ex and you also won't be paying half a mortgage on a property you can't live in.

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 01:27

It’s not a police matter. They won’t chuck him out and let the OP move in.

They can accompany her to the house she co-owns and has been illegally excluded from, in order that she can fetch her personal possessions safely

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 18/12/2023 01:58

Gaergh · 16/12/2023 13:40

Thanks.. I think that his argument is that in the court bundles there was one estate agents report saying house was worth £350 or £360 but also some print outs from Zoopla saying it was worth £400 and it says we both agreed this is what the house was worth.

Can a judge throw it out without me having to go back to court? Like if he applies to court. He's talking about "obtaining a transcript from court"; is this even a thing? There wasn't anyone there taking notes on those weird little machines.
He's saying that we both agreed the house was worth £400k in court. So the judge made his judgement on this.

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Doesn't matter if you both agreed between you, the judge didn't rule on that basis. The whole reason it says up to 50K is to allow for it to sell for what the market will pay without having to go back to court. If the judge was basing the consent orders on the price being 400K they would have been written as 120K to you and 50K to him, the fact it says up to 50K shows the judge was not making a bat shit ruling that you had to sell for 400K.

MariaLuna · 18/12/2023 02:10

House was bought with a 90k deposit from my parents, he contributed nothing;

So basically, he stole from your parents.

Hope you get it sorted. fuck him over

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 18/12/2023 02:12

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 01:20

Yes I have been paying half the mortgage this whole time. Which admittedly has left rather a sour taste as he couldn't afford to live in that place otherwise. He's essentially had the benefit of living in a nice big family home, for over 3 years, partly funded by me.

What happens if you stop paying your half of the mortgage and it's repossessed? Does that solve the problem, even if it sells for a lower price (because all they'll be interested in is recouping the outstanding mortgage amount)? I imagine it means you'll have a shit credit rating and lose the £120k minimum the judge awarded you from the equity (because does any equity goes to the mortgage company if they've repossessed it?), but it means you'll be free of any further financial involvement with ex and you also won't be paying half a mortgage on a property you can't live in.

No the mortgage company sells it, clears the outstanding debt and then the rest would be shared out dependant on the judge's ruling. If OP wants that equity as a deposit to buy she'd be shooting herself in the foot here.

Original poster

Gaergh · 18/12/2023 03:11

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 01:27

It’s not a police matter. They won’t chuck him out and let the OP move in.

They can accompany her to the house she co-owns and has been illegally excluded from, in order that she can fetch her personal possessions safely

Police have flat-out refused to do this on more than one occasion. They said they didn't have time. Another time they told me to call 101 when I was at the house and they would send officers to help, but they were horrible and wouldn't let me take anything that wasn't obviously mine e.g. a mum with my name on it, cards and letters addressed to me. On another occasion I rang 101 as instructed and police said "you're lucky I'm in a good mood otherwise I'd have had you for breach of the peace". I've never been in trouble with the law before so it was really scary.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gaergh · 18/12/2023 03:22

MariaLuna · 18/12/2023 02:10

House was bought with a 90k deposit from my parents, he contributed nothing;

So basically, he stole from your parents.

Hope you get it sorted. fuck him over

Yes he did 😔 I can see now that he has been playing a reeeeeeeally long game: started off as a cocklodger, wanted to have DCs very early in the relationship, became more controlling and abusive etc. as the years went on. He was technically homeless when we got together (he had walked out on his previous partner and was sofa-surfing). So he moved in almost immediately. His car which was an old banger broke down a few months into our relationship; I let him use my car so he didn't have to replace his. He had debts I didn't know about for years, he was SO keen to buy a house even though he had no savings despite working as a professional for several years with no kids to look after, etc. The deposit was my parents' life savings / my inheritance. He was basically a whole bunch of red-flags. I can't believe how stupid I was to buy a house with him. And I obviously feel beyond guilty for my parents.

OP posts:

Original poster

Gaergh · 18/12/2023 03:26

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 18/12/2023 01:58

Doesn't matter if you both agreed between you, the judge didn't rule on that basis. The whole reason it says up to 50K is to allow for it to sell for what the market will pay without having to go back to court. If the judge was basing the consent orders on the price being 400K they would have been written as 120K to you and 50K to him, the fact it says up to 50K shows the judge was not making a bat shit ruling that you had to sell for 400K.

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This is my argument - it hinges on whether "UP TO" is legally binding or not. He says it's not. But if it's in the final order then it must be. Yes house prices have come down but it still says up to. The estate agent is working very hard to try and get it to sell for as high a price as possible but is saying that after a while the offers for the house which we will get will get increasingly lower over time.

OP posts:

WolfAndBadger · 18/12/2023 05:26

Gaergh · 18/12/2023 03:11

Police have flat-out refused to do this on more than one occasion. They said they didn't have time. Another time they told me to call 101 when I was at the house and they would send officers to help, but they were horrible and wouldn't let me take anything that wasn't obviously mine e.g. a mum with my name on it, cards and letters addressed to me. On another occasion I rang 101 as instructed and police said "you're lucky I'm in a good mood otherwise I'd have had you for breach of the peace". I've never been in trouble with the law before so it was really scary.

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Yeh I'm not a fan of the police either too many dickheads in the job. That sucks, you've a right to collect your things. And a right to enter the house. Sounds like he's convinced them you're trouble.

Can you go when he's out? Do you know his schedule? You could get a locksmith to gain entry, I assume you've got something proving the house is yours? Then you could at least have your stuff and check he hasn't trashed the place.

Amberandgreen · 02/06/2024 08:29

Dear OP, I wonder if you managed to sell in the end? I’m in a very similar position now.

Emsy999 · 02/06/2024 14:03

Hello everyone, I'm also in a very similar situation at the moment. Ex is using threats and blackmail to get me to accept his (unfair) out of court offer. Won't pay the mortgage (he lives there alone), won't put the house on the market and we're potentially going to both get blacklisted because of it.

How does it work to force a sale? I'm reluctant because I've spent so much on solicitors so far. I've heard it's costly and takes ages? We are due to go to court for the final financial hearing in September but he's told me he won't be paying the mortgage in the meantime. I pay rent elsewhere.

Amberandgreen · 02/06/2024 19:57

Emsy999 · 02/06/2024 14:03

Hello everyone, I'm also in a very similar situation at the moment. Ex is using threats and blackmail to get me to accept his (unfair) out of court offer. Won't pay the mortgage (he lives there alone), won't put the house on the market and we're potentially going to both get blacklisted because of it.

How does it work to force a sale? I'm reluctant because I've spent so much on solicitors so far. I've heard it's costly and takes ages? We are due to go to court for the final financial hearing in September but he's told me he won't be paying the mortgage in the meantime. I pay rent elsewhere.

As far as I’m aware, going to court is the only option, I know it can take years…

Emsy999 · 03/06/2024 09:54

Amberandgreen · 02/06/2024 19:57

As far as I’m aware, going to court is the only option, I know it can take years…

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Thank you for your reply.

Ex will dig his heels in as far as he can and try and block the sale but surely once we have the final financial hearing in September the judge will see his shocking behaviour and order a sale? He's saying he can't afford the mortgage (even though he can) and has stopped paying it. How can he justify staying there (and potentially try and block the sale) if he can't afford it?

Duckingella · 03/06/2024 10:12

@Gaergh

It's been a few months now;how are things going?

Jonathan70 · 03/06/2024 23:13

Does your order specify that you’ll continue paying mortgage until house is sold? Usually the person living in it has to pay it. If it doesn’t, tell him that you will stop paying it unless he accepts the lower offer ….or go back to court and represent yourself, otherwise this will go on and on. Best wishes.

neilyoungismyhero · 03/06/2024 23:19

LemonTT · 16/12/2023 13:38

who lives in the house now?

if you live in it without him then market it for offers over 400k. No one will view and it won’t sell. What skin is it off your nose if you do what he asks.

The OP says he is living there