Financial agreement - he wants to walk away with nothing/very little

[Patsaysit]

Hi,
my stbxh wants to walk away with nothing/very little.

I have repeatedly encouraged mediation, he has refused. We are both in agreement that we want this done quickly and cheaply.

I have the children full time and have my own house (secured since separation). We are not looking to take anything from each other’s pensions.

It’s simply dividing up the equity of the family home. Has anyone else been in this position? How did it pan out?

I know that the financial order has to be stamped by a judge and have got my head around the process I think! It’s just what to offer stbxh really.

Any help gratefully received even if it helps me with the first solicitor meeting.

If he wants very little you are lucky! My ex took me to the cleaners.

Maybe his pension is much greater than yours?
You can do this together but the financial order needs to be signed off by a judge. You still need to show all assets and then write an explanation of why one party gets more than the other.

Thank you. Our pensions are both very small. @PosterBoy

You both need your pensions valued.

If you have all the finances then it should be ok. My ex was still told he has to have his own legal advice.

Even if we aren’t interested in taking anything from each others pension? @RandomMess

So is he planning to see the DC at all? Your post indicates no. In that case, if your pensions are roughly similar, what percentage of overall assets does that leave you with? I’d expect it to be 65-70 percent if you will continue to have the kids full time.

@Rainbowqueeen no, he doesn’t see the boys. The only joint asset we have is the equity in the house.

Let him walk away with nothing, if that's his choice. He knows that you'll have the greatest fiancial burden and also knows that he'll be able to get back on his feet faster. This is possibly his way of making sure the children are taken care of. My friend's partner did the same, he walked away leaving his ex everything, because it was the right thing to do by his child.

Has he had independent legal advice?

a judge will want to be reassured on that

@Rainbowqueeen settlements don’t work like that

How much equity are we talking? Is it significant?

Have you got it in an email or writing that he doesn’t want anything?

@millymollymoomoo no. We’re both trying to do this without solicitors where possible.

@Quitelikeit £2-300k

yes, repeatedly in writing both the refusal to go to mediation and that he wants very little/nothing.

@Tempnamechng I’m interested to know how this is done legally if the judge has to assess wether it’s fair etc.

I don’t know anyone in real life who has done this which is why this is so helpful!

I gave ExH a 50/50 split against the advice of my solicitors. I had to complete a form for the court which required a solicitor to sign to confirm that I had been given advice. The solicitor made me sign a waiver to say that I was acting against their advice. If your ex is entitled to more than he is taking I expect he will need to do the same.

I agreed 50/50 as ExH is money motivated and to go for what I was entitled to would meant a battle and I wanted to do things as amicably as possible for the kids. I don't regret it - I got free quicker and have been able to build a better life for me & the boys!

The main steps will always be the same. You both need to get everything valued - pensions, assets, savings. There's a form to fill out and then your proposal goes to the judge. They may not agree if it is unfair to one party so you have to include the explanation. I'd recommend a company that does mediated divorces if you want to save money but if he doesn't want to engage at all .. won't give valuations, won't turn up to meetings ... then it will be a longer more expensive process.

Do you think he has some hidden finances?

Could that be why he just wants it quick and dirty?

I thought you could do a diy online divorce without solicitors etc

Surely he can go to a solicitor and transfer the property into your sole name

@PosterBoy I’ve read that the valuation of everything isn’t necessary if you’re not going to court and that you’ve decided between yourselves?

He is very unlikely to get legal advice/fill anything in.

@waitholdup no. Nothing at all hidden. I did everything regarding household finances. No secrets.

@Quitelikeit but we are still married so it would still be a marital asset wouldn’t it?

That would be quick and easy though!

@Quitelikeit we are trying to do it ourselves. I thought the same as you re not needing a solicitor…

In our case the judge refused to sign the financial order and we'd have to take our divorce to a court hearing for the decision to be made.
I just couldn't stomach the costs of the divorce (ffs, they should be happy there's one couple who agree and could have a clean break! ) and so we split everything the way we saw fit and didn't finalise the divorce. We have been apart for five years now.