Financial agreement - he wants to walk away with nothing/very little

[Patsaysit]

Hi,
my stbxh wants to walk away with nothing/very little.

I have repeatedly encouraged mediation, he has refused. We are both in agreement that we want this done quickly and cheaply.

I have the children full time and have my own house (secured since separation). We are not looking to take anything from each other’s pensions.

It’s simply dividing up the equity of the family home. Has anyone else been in this position? How did it pan out?

I know that the financial order has to be stamped by a judge and have got my head around the process I think! It’s just what to offer stbxh really.

Any help gratefully received even if it helps me with the first solicitor meeting.

Well if he wants nothing then great! Effectively you will be on your own with the kids now I take it from your post-so rose whatever he is agreeing to as you'll either very much need it or you can put it in savings for the boys later on.

@piscofrisco yes that’s what I thought about doing for the boys actually.

I’m just struggling to work out if the judge would sign off such a seemingly unfair arrangement and as such wondering if getting a consent order is the way forward for me.

@thelonemommabear correct!

For pension value, esp. if small & similar size, you can usually use the CETV value which is often available as soon as you login & otherwise free to get once a year (legal requirement). It doesn't take ages, ime, a few weeks to get the CETV.

I would have thought that if OP can document over a many months period that she has tried to persuade him to negotiate but he is refusing, and then OP makes the case for why she needs more assets for the kids, and if he says he agrees to an unequal settlement, especially if OP says she won't pursue him for maintenance in future, then courts might go for the very unbalanced division.

I got an online divorce and financial consent order. Did it all through an online company.

Our finances were split very much in my favour so the judge called us in to court and spoke to us both before signing it.

It was just a meeting of the three of us in his office so not as scary as I thought it was going to be. He just wanted to check there was no coercion and understand our thinking behind the financial split.

if OP says she won't pursue him for maintenance in future,

I also asked my solicitor about this as was prepared to use it as a bargaining chip should he decide to go after my pension

The solicitor said you can't actually give up your right to CMS this way and it be legally binding. after 12 months you could quite legally and legitimately put a new claim in for CMS and there is nothing he could do about

Thanks, I did wonder...
I hope OP comes back to update us in future.

@peanutbutterkid I absolutely will.

My feeling is that he is so reluctant to engage with the process at all, that it’s fairly low risk to divorce without the consent agreement step.

If it goes in front of a judge it seems I’ll end up giving him more money to make it fair.

Anything I give him will be spent on booze and golf clubs, no thought for the boys’ future. I don’t want the money for me, I want it for them.

Op would i be correct in thinking that his stance has somewhat changed as reality has hit?

I have done the same thing as her husband and am waiting to see if the judge signs it through. Married for 18 years

Her parents bought our house for us in 2009 and put it in our joint names, I have 40k equity now but as I didn't contribute to the house purchase, it's not right that I should take that so I'm returning my share.

We have lived apart for 6.5 years, her pension is way bigger but again I'm not interested in it, I'm financially independent and have lived with my new partner and child for 5 years now

All I want to do is get divorced so my partner and I can move on with our lives

I haven't used a solicitor as I'm not fighting for anything but I did put in my D81 statement that I have taken legal advice at the start of the process

Hopefully the judge will accept this as we've had enough delays! just want it over and done with

Just to add, we are drawing up a clean break financial consent order as well

@nyorksdad

Did you have any children with your ex?

Are you amicable with your ex?

Dod you end the marriage?

Who is the higher earner?

I ended it in 2017 - we were very unhappy for a long time. I held off on the divorce until the new laws came in as I knew she would have refused until we had been separated 5 years under the old laws

Yea 1 DS who is 16 now
We have shared 50/50 since I left and it's worked well

We don't get on very well and have minimal contact

Pretty equal salaries

I've just said from the very start of the process that I want absolutely nothing from her other than the right to get on with my life with my partner and our 4 year old.

Placemarking to re-read again carefully in morning

Can he support himself financially, or will he be trying to claim means tested benefits or social housing that he wouldn’t have needed if he had received a fair share?

Would love to know how some of the stories from this old thread turned out!

My divorce was finally completed in May.

She kept the house and her pension, I took nothing and paid nearly all the costs. Despite this, she still dragged it out and made out she was hard done to

I'm marrying my partner of 6 years in February and that is all I ever wanted. If I'd carried on fighting for stuff, we'd still be battling the divorce next year and the stress and the cost would have been horrific

Well done for keeping focus on what matters. I keep telling myself it's just bricks and mortar, and happiness matters more.

This is madness. If you win the lottery, he gets half. In a couple of decades when he has say spent it all at the casino, he can come back and take half of your assets!

@CuppaTea23 I would like to know also.

May I ask how everyone's financial split went?

Sorry I've asked for my post to be removed.

For us. I took on full care of the kids. He worked away from the area 3.5 weeks a month. His pension was mich greater than mine. He kept that. I kept the equity in the house. We did our divorce ourselves after 5 year separation. No problems. Ironically he died, accidental death aged 53, and he still had me down as his NOK in all areas. He knew i was...He just didnt want to change it. Because he knew id see the kids ok. Which i did.