Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Partner has taken kids away and blocked contact

363 replies

JustDad46 · 26/09/2023 03:59

Hi,

Wife has been under a lot of outside strain for a few months and has been acting out of character - quite emotionally abusive and neglecting kids etc. Neither myself or the kids could talk to her without her blowing up. We actually lived avoiding her with the kids sharing their concerns with me constantly.

Eleven days ago she demanded a divorce, became surrounded by friends and family who never liked me and had blanked me for years, then phoned the police and concocted a story which, when a court looks at it will be so transparently untrue it will be crazy. She tried to take out Non-Mol and Residency Orders which the judge immediately set aside.

But it's still very hurtful to be accused groundlessly. And have friends all hypothesizing that she's cheating because she had everything in place so quickly.

But the ABSOLUTE WORST part is that I haven't seen my kids or spoken to them in ELEVEN days. It's tearing me up and she knows it will be. She took them away and I don't know where any of them are. My children's last texts show that they wanted to be with me, love me etc.

I'm not sure if this is in the right thread. i'm just very emotionally and physically exhausted and exasperated that despite everyone telling me how wrong it all is, how everyone looking at the evidence tells me I'm right, social workers are taking forever to assign a case worker, police are doing absolutely nothing an passing the buck to social workers and my solicitors DESPITE there being welfare risks to my two kids from a third party and neglect and emotional abuse history from my wife. My solicitors aren't finding HER solicitors very co-operative (my wife started the solicitor involvement).

Every crisis helpline and charity has supported me 100% but they are powerless. What shocks me is how common they say all this is.

Tonight, I'm grieving for my children. It's absolutely like a bereavement. I don't know where they are, if they are safe and no-one who could and should do something seems to give a damn :-(

NO orders against me nor grounds for any. I have parental responsibility and am actually the one who listened to and looked after the kids but i am the one being deprived of them.... At wit's end.

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 01/10/2023 00:34

What if your kids don't want to see you?

Original poster
JustDad46 · 01/10/2023 07:10

RantyAnty · 01/10/2023 00:34

What if your kids don't want to see you?

That's a horrible proposition but obviously their wishes will have to be respected. Their last texts before their phone was blocked/taken from them show they were very much wanting to see me.

Also, we've been close for years and other parties assure me that the bond is obviously very strong.

But I have to ask why you raise the question? Without any qualification, it does seem a little mean spirited.

OP posts:
Onestepforwardseveryday · 01/10/2023 07:59

Children often want to see their parents initially after they have been removed / taken away from them and this is the case even in cases where the children have been abused (not for one minute saying that your children have been abused). Children love their parents and it is highly unusual for them to not want to see them. After they have been removed from a bad situation and some time has passed they sometimes stop wanting to see their parents as they start to realise that the situation they were in was not good and that their life is now better.
we therefore can’t read much into text messages sent by children when they were first taken away.
You need to get an independent court appointed person (Used to be CAFCASS in England) to mediate and represent the children so it can be established what their living arrangement preference is. The children are old enough for their wishes to be considered seriously.
we only have one side of the story here and so responses will be biased based on the information provided.
you need to stop listening to strangers who don’t have the full picture or friends who have one side of story and are biased due to being friends and use the legal processes that are available to get custody / access to your children.

Gloriously · 01/10/2023 16:01

Can you chase up the school - they must have a plan or are investigating where they are or when they are returning to school?

RantyAnty · 01/10/2023 23:36

JustDad46 · 01/10/2023 07:10

That's a horrible proposition but obviously their wishes will have to be respected. Their last texts before their phone was blocked/taken from them show they were very much wanting to see me.

Also, we've been close for years and other parties assure me that the bond is obviously very strong.

But I have to ask why you raise the question? Without any qualification, it does seem a little mean spirited.

Show quote history

It was just a question.

I don't give out a$$ pats.

Original poster
JustDad46 · 02/10/2023 06:11

Gloriously · 01/10/2023 16:01

Can you chase up the school - they must have a plan or are investigating where they are or when they are returning to school?

Finally have a Social Worker assigned! I will be raising STBXW's keeping the kids from schooling and home for over two weeks (school week three starting today) without any legal or credible cause.

OP posts:
Sunshinenrain · 02/10/2023 07:19

I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP.

I wish I could give you some good advice but I don’t know what you can do that you’ve not already done.

It would be one of my worst fears if my DC were taken by their dad, especially if he wasn’t doing it for their best interests or their was any type of neglect or MH issues.

The good thing for you is that she’s taken them out of school.
This is illegal and the school will be contacting the right agencies.
The fact that she’s taken them out of school, shows that their welfare isn’t her main priority.

Unfortunately, she may be able to get around this by claiming she’s fleeing a DV situation or even taking them on holiday.
But she will have to send them to school sooner or later and at least the kids will be safer then as they can talk to their teachers and friends about the situation.

I hope you get some answers soon.

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 02/10/2023 16:45

Based on my own professional experience of cases involving violence against women, I'm quite sure that the court will fully support your being able to access the children. In cases where there was clear evidence of long term abuse by the male partner towards the mother, the court frequently still decided that it was in the children's interest to see the perpetrator. I wouldn't worry for a moment that courts are biased in favour of women. The evidence just doesn't support that opinion.

FSTraining · 02/10/2023 16:49

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 02/10/2023 16:45

Based on my own professional experience of cases involving violence against women, I'm quite sure that the court will fully support your being able to access the children. In cases where there was clear evidence of long term abuse by the male partner towards the mother, the court frequently still decided that it was in the children's interest to see the perpetrator. I wouldn't worry for a moment that courts are biased in favour of women. The evidence just doesn't support that opinion.

From what I have seen, it is more the case that these kind of allegations are hard to prove. Courts don't so much insist on access to children for violent partners as they do insist on a high bar of evidence to be convinced the partner is violent (and that such violence would be a danger to the children themselves).

Gloriously · 04/10/2023 20:25

How are things progressing for you this week @JustDad46

Original poster
JustDad46 · 04/10/2023 20:37

Gloriously · 04/10/2023 20:25

How are things progressing for you this week @JustDad46

Well, there was a hearing yesterday at which the judge granted a contact order pending the outcome of a social work assessment. But he also placed an order banning me from collecting the kids at school or removing them from the same! This is madness as it has been mum's actions which have kept them from schooling for over two weeks!

Still haven't seen them. Phone access still blocked, STBXW has contacted the police to attend at home saying she was there trying to collect clothes. She wasn't and, surprise, surprise wasn't on CCTV either. The police were non-plussed but surely wasting police time with spurious calls shows her unreasonability?!?

Quite tired of the whole thing. It's still a source of amazement at how this happened so suddenly and it could happen to anyone. Hopefully will have more updates from social worker soon. She is to meet with all parties separately but who knows if she'll ask the kids the right questions.

Alarmingly, I have just learned that a very similar series of events happened to a cousin I rarely see and, although he eventually had access to his kids, his ex used the exclusive time she had to poison them to the extent that it was quite a while before they wanted to see their dad. They do see him now, but surely that's such an obvious risk... and damaging to the kids!

OP posts:
Whattodo112222 · 04/10/2023 20:46

What is the reason you're prevented from picking them up from school?

What contact is the order for, supervised or unsupervised?

Op, with respect I'm not saying what you're saying is true but you do know the court don't impose orders lightly.... there has to be evidence of risk.

They wouldn't slap a prohibited steps on you without any evidence to support why.

Unsure754 · 04/10/2023 21:03

🤔

RantyAnty · 04/10/2023 21:17

Still haven't seen them. Phone access still blocked, STBXW has contacted the police to attend at home saying she was there trying to collect clothes. She wasn't and, surprise, surprise wasn't on CCTV either. The police were non-plussed but surely wasting police time with spurious calls shows her unreasonability?!?

If you have no contact with any of them, how do you know this?

Peacendkindness · 04/10/2023 21:19

Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 26/09/2023 09:31

If she is the mother of the children (and named as the mother on the birth certificate- obviously) then there's absolutely nothing the police can do without a court order.

You need to apply to the court for access. If you can’t afford a solicitor then you can represent yourself

This - I’d ask for an emergency hearing which your Solicitor should be able to arrange.

Peacendkindness · 04/10/2023 21:21

Sorry seem the update. Follow the order to the letter. Prove you have as well. Log everything. Cctv of she visits your house etc

Gloriously · 04/10/2023 21:38

his ex used the exclusive time she had to poison them to the extent that it was quite a while before they wanted to see their dad. They do see him now, but surely that's such an obvious risk... and damaging to the kids!

@JustDad46 I wouldn’t stress yourself with this as a possibility. You have a deep and loving relationship over 15 and 11 long years which will be embedded in your DCs hearts and minds - this isn’t going to be poisoned and undone in a fortnight.

Also at these ages the courts will allow the DCs to make their own choices.

I hope things resolve or settle soon for the sake of your DCs and that you agree to co-parent in a calm, cooperative and consistent way going forward for the benefit of your DCs emotional well-being.

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 05/10/2023 06:05

How disappointing for you. You've been so clear that your wife's lies were so preposterous that they'd be dismissed as soon as it got in front of a court. I can't understand why a judge, faced with the information you've given here, would place a restrictive order. Any ideas? Hopefully the social worker will know to ask the children the right questions.

Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:09

RantyAnty · 04/10/2023 21:17

Still haven't seen them. Phone access still blocked, STBXW has contacted the police to attend at home saying she was there trying to collect clothes. She wasn't and, surprise, surprise wasn't on CCTV either. The police were non-plussed but surely wasting police time with spurious calls shows her unreasonability?!?

If you have no contact with any of them, how do you know this?

I'm not sure what you're getting at? I know this because I live at home and the police called and spoke with me. They were confused as to why they were there when clearly nothing had actually happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:13

Whattodo112222 · 04/10/2023 20:46

What is the reason you're prevented from picking them up from school?

What contact is the order for, supervised or unsupervised?

Op, with respect I'm not saying what you're saying is true but you do know the court don't impose orders lightly.... there has to be evidence of risk.

They wouldn't slap a prohibited steps on you without any evidence to support why.

I get where you're coming from but all I have is a couple of lines of summary from a barrister. The school order is allegedly to stop me collecting the kids from school or withdrawing them from the same. Again, i haven't seen the orders and presume I will at some stage. Maybe someone could clarify that latter bit for me?

I don't think supervision was specified on the order but, as per above, I'm going off a brief summary and haven't seen the order. if I do, I'll update on here.

I haven't any experience with orders but I was assuming the Judge would issues orders to be on the safe side where kids are involved with the capacity to revoke later in light of evidence?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:15

Peacendkindness · 04/10/2023 21:19

This - I’d ask for an emergency hearing which your Solicitor should be able to arrange.

Show quote history

Please could you expand a little on the emergency hearing idea? This is clearly newer to me than many on here. I appreciate the experience of others.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:16

Peacendkindness · 04/10/2023 21:21

Sorry seem the update. Follow the order to the letter. Prove you have as well. Log everything. Cctv of she visits your house etc

You can bet I will.... once I see what any stipulations are.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:20

Gloriously · 04/10/2023 21:38

his ex used the exclusive time she had to poison them to the extent that it was quite a while before they wanted to see their dad. They do see him now, but surely that's such an obvious risk... and damaging to the kids!

@JustDad46 I wouldn’t stress yourself with this as a possibility. You have a deep and loving relationship over 15 and 11 long years which will be embedded in your DCs hearts and minds - this isn’t going to be poisoned and undone in a fortnight.

Also at these ages the courts will allow the DCs to make their own choices.

I hope things resolve or settle soon for the sake of your DCs and that you agree to co-parent in a calm, cooperative and consistent way going forward for the benefit of your DCs emotional well-being.

Thank you for the reassurance. It means so much ♥The sad thing is, my mother said that in a hypothetical world, if a judge ordered the other half and I to go on a holiday together for five days, the whole thing would be resolved in an adult way. I think it wouldn't take a day.

But once solicitors get involved, processes seem to be pushed along by them, people look for justification for Orders solicitors advise them to take etc and it all gets a life of it's own.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:24

TheRealProfessorYaffle · 05/10/2023 06:05

How disappointing for you. You've been so clear that your wife's lies were so preposterous that they'd be dismissed as soon as it got in front of a court. I can't understand why a judge, faced with the information you've given here, would place a restrictive order. Any ideas? Hopefully the social worker will know to ask the children the right questions.

My evidence hasn't left the solicitors office, I fear, and hasn't been seen by any judge. If it does get before their eyes, I can't see how I wouldn't be vindicated but when/if that will be I have no idea.

My big fear is that the social worker won't ask questions like, Do you want to see your dad? Do you have any concerns about your dad? My kids probably would be quite quiet and unsure of the process (as am I) unless asked directly.

Does anyone have any experience with social workers? Is there a genuine push from them to get at the truth or is it just a case of trying to kick the can down the road?

OP posts:
Original poster
JustDad46 · 05/10/2023 08:26

On a human level, this is Day Twenty without wife or kids. Although she's been acting crazy, it is out-of-character for my wife in the context of the whole marriage and I hope she's okay as well as the kids who I'm missing really more than I could ever have imagined. It's just the sudden change and the totality of it all that's so shocking.

OP posts: