Life after divorce: how are you both living now?

[MistyBay]

I am curious to know how life ended up for you - your X too - after separation/divorce.

what’s in store for us newbies?

Not spoken to my ex for 10 yrs, so no idea. I'm happier than ever, good job, kids all grown up.

I think this will be me in 10 years. I'm already happier. We've been living apart for over a year but are not yet fully divorced, just waiting for the consent order to be sealed to submit for the final order. I thought I would still want him in my life as a friend but I think once the kids leave home, I won't have much contact with him. It all feels very one-sided at the moment and I think if I don't make the effort, then he'll not bother. I'm not sure he'll maintain his relationship with the kids, either, which is sad. He's very much reliant on me to keep it going at the moment and I don't want to be the go-between forever if he doesn't build a relationship with them separate from me. A friend commented the other day that I seem to be coming into my own, and I feel this. For years, I've felt on edge, like I'm on eggshells around him and I was holding myself back.

Neither of my daughters have seen their dad for at least 9 yes. They do txt and speak now and then but they can't be bothered.

many (Women at least) seem to have a surge of energy after divorce. Sounds like that happened for both of you.

‘coming into your own’ is a positive description of how it is working out for you.

i look to the future and it seems full of potential.

15 years post separation.

He is living with his long term partner (who he may or may not have been having an affair with - I was told about her about 15m after he left).
Our children stayed with him 1 weekday night & 1 weekend day/night from the beginning.
He seems happy enough.

I'm still living in the former marital home (now mine).
I married after a few years in a new relationship but sadly he was diagnosed with cancer around the same time and subsequently died.
I've now been seeing someone for a few years, but not living together.
I'm mostly content, although I miss late DH.

My eldest went through a period where he'd fallen out with his dad, but that seems better now - although he's at uni so not around much anyway.
My youngest seems happy enough and still stays there a couple of times a week.

No nothing, he moved 200 miles away, worked for a few months him having them. It then went to once a year and now nothing, other than what I wrote.

Took 2 years, which he did pay grudgingly. Stopped where my youngest turned 18.

@Chasingsquirrels thats so sad about your late DH. Gosh that really has made me well up.

@Fourmagpies i am sure I will be relating your experience in a year.

@vodkaredbullgirl atm I cannot imagine not speaking to STBX but am pretty sure I will move on, and move on gooood!

@Fullspectrum luckily I am ok for money too as I have a good job. Not excess, but my prospects are quite good and I earn enough to keep myself and my DCs happy and at least go on holiday if I want to. You are right. It absolutely makes a difference. I think, I’m 50, I don’t have to find a man to have kids with, I have two great kids, I am in great shape, I have my health and I have enough money. I don’t even have any fillings! Don’t throw it away moping.

but there’s still a lot of shit to deal with and I am a real over thinker. I can’t put stuff out of my mind until it’s dealt with and from what I realise, you need patience when it comes to separating.

8 years on.

Both living our own lives, haven't seen or spoken to him for a couple of years since DS passed his driving test and no longer needed me to take him.

DD who used to spend at least one night a week with him, now barely bothers with him. DS uses his house as a place to doss when he goes to friends nearby.

I hope you are happy @CameronCook ?

Life is great. We both moved on and married much more appropriately matched people. We had no children so we were able to make a clean break which I think really helped keep things in perspective with regards to the divorce.

Thank you Misty, yes very. I have a new partner, great relationship with his children, he has a great relationship with my children (all the 'children' are now adults)

I'm happily remarried, he is single. We all co-parent well and are genuinely good friends. He has had issues with his mental health but is a good dad. All children involved know all the adults get on and work together. It's taken a good few years to get here but it's been worth the effort.

I just cannot imagine having a new relationship. I think I’m done with sex. However it’ll be interesting to see if I change my mind after time alone. I want the company just not the intimacy.

I split with my ex 12 years ago. It took ages for us to divorce because of property issues. I consider my ex husband a friend. We all get on well, even my now-DH likes him. I’d love to say this amicable situation meant the kids came out unscathed, but our DD took his side for no real reason. Our sons were fine. Ex has had a few long term relationships but none have worked out.
I’ve been with my second DH for 9 years and our relationship is absolutely fantastic, can’t fault it. He’s my best friend.

I separated from my ex in August 2014 and our amicable divirce was finalised in January 2017. Since we've lived apart, some nine years now, I've seen him maybe four times in all those years (last time at least two years ago).

I know the address where he now lives but haven't been round there because he's living with another woman now. I only found out a couple of years after the divorce was final that he's been living with his ladyfriend since we separated (but were still technically married at the time) and both my adult daughter and I suspect he was carrying on with this other woman while we were still married and living together - my ex said he was going away 'fishing with someone he used to work with' but I now strongly believe he was having dirty weekends away with his ladyfriend.

Had I known my ex was committing adultery while we were married I would definitely have wanted to divorce on those grounds alone; my own parents were divorced sixty years ago on those very grounds (Dad was the guilty party here) and my ex has always been very well aware of how strong my feelings were against adulterous relationships.

But in spite of all this our divorce went straight through without any complications - we sold our bungalow and split the sale proceeds 50/50 with no arguments about who gets what when it came to household posessions. I suppose I was lucky in that our divorce went through with no problems - we each lead our own separate lives and aren't really in contact any more. I did have his mobile phone number at one time but I've long since forgotten it as he's not part of my life any more; he's never had my mobile number and my landline is disconnected as I only use the mobile now so the only way he could ever contact me is by e-mail or by landing on my doorstep unexpectedly!

Left me for his PA. Left her for someone same age as our daughter.

I’m blissfully happy and love my job. Happily single for a long time (had a lot of fun!) and now married for 10 years. Wife no.2 is remarried and seems very happy. Bit of a celebrity - she has the job he always wanted.

He’s miserable. 3 young kids in his 60s. Hates his life and job. Relationship with our DCs a bit strained. DCs have a better relationship with wife no 2 than they do with their dad.

He always wanted more- flashier car, bigger house, better lifestyle, more glamour. I honestly take no joy in what many would say was karma - I’m actually quite grateful we split. I wouldn’t have the life I have now if we had stayed together.

Ex remarried 4 years after we split up . I went on three different dates 2 years after the split and ended up staying with date #3 for 5.5 years! Didn’t live together but then stuff happened and he died last November. I will stay single now - it hurts too much when things end

Separated 4 years ago, he’s remarried already and only sees them every other weekend.
I got a new job to work around the kids as previously did shift work, slight pay cut but better work life balance and we get lots of family time.
me and the kids are so much happier as there was a lot of verbal abuse towards me so no more toxicity in the house.
The only downside i find is building a new relationship is hard when they only go to their dads every other weekend but I don’t feel like I need to be in one as such but definitely in the near future would be nice.

10 years down the line we are amicable. Sees the kids regularly. He split with his affair partner after 5 years and he's D
Now single and dating, still in the same job. He seems happy enough.
My career has flourished and after years happily single (with lots of fun in that time) I've now met a man who's perfect for me and wonderful with the kids. I'm very happy. I always knew I would be though, divorce was the right thing for us both

Divorced 9 years ago.

Both me and ex-H have new partners now. No third party involvement and neither of us rushed into a new relationship. Both very happy and with more suitable partners. Friendly with each other, spend Xmases and kids’ birthdays together with partners and their kids too.

Shame it ended but it seems all’s well that ends well.

It’s so great to hear about the fun and the happiness. There is some bitter sweetness and some devastating tales in there too.

@blobby10💐

If you are a good representation, then it seems that ppl tend to learn from mistakes when they choose their next partner. For a lot of you to be ‘very happy’ is reassuring. I don’t remember when I was last ‘very happy’. Contented and ‘sort of happy’ but not ‘very’ happy. I know that’s down to me, though, not just my marriage.

it’d be good to get a tonne more reports and then I’ll hop over to one of the current separation and divorce threads where some people are really sad and link to this thread. It might help them see that despite ups and downs, there is life and happiness to be had after divorce.