Life after divorce: how are you both living now?

[MistyBay]

I am curious to know how life ended up for you - your X too - after separation/divorce.

what’s in store for us newbies?

I did have a partner for 2 yrs, 8 months after my divorce. Now been single since 2009, don't think I could live with another person lol.

Separated 12 years ago when our DS was tiny. He stayed single for 8 years, then had a flurry of short term relationships, now he's single again. I dated for a while, having a lot of fun and getting my heart broken once. Met DP 4 years ago. He lives with us now, gets on great with DS, and I've never been happier.

My career has gone from strength to strength, and I bought my own home. Ex is still working short term jobs and renting a small flat, so things are precarious for him at the moment.

But he's happy. He adores DS. We share care of 50/50. I wouldn't describe us as friends exactly, but we communicate well. We have different parenting styles but generally complement each other in that way. I feel like the bond of having DS is a connection that will always be there, even if the level of contact drops off once DS leaves home.

My ex is at his mothers still. Does have a girlfriend who lives about 35 mins away.

I met my DP almost 3 years ago. We moved in together last summer, getting married this time next year

Divorced in 2016

Divorced an abusive violent man after a year of marriage, then stayed single happily for the next 8 years and brought up my son alone then 5 years ago re kindled with a childhood friend got married 30 days later and now have another 3 children and I've never been happier of felt more loved

6 years on my own pretty much. I dated but only to meet new people. I then decided I was content on my own. Deleted all dating apps and just focused on my career and friends and children.

Then I met DP in our local pub. I knew all his friends. He knew all mine but we'd never come across each other before.

I worried/struggled initially because I love my own space,

But he works away 8 weeks at a time then comes home for 8 weeks so I get the best of both worlds

He is living with his mother and has the kids one night each week and EOW.
He ended our marriage and told me he doesn't love me any more. Told his mother and mates in the pub first (before me)
He's got a FWB
I've got nobody and it's shit. Peaceful and tidy but shit.
Life for me is kids, elderly mum and work.

7+ years on, exDH has moved back to his country, remarried, had another child.
I've stayed with our 2 DC and been stuck in the same on and off, leading nowhere relationship with a man who's been good enough but cannot offer anything more than dating (no plans for future).

I cannot regret my exH because he has always been too drawn to his home country/ culture so he would have left eventually; but unfortunately I feel stuck while everyone else is moving on in one way or another. I am 45 and I don't feel confident that I'll meet someone else.

Mine became a millionaire after we divorced!

Interesting to hear from people who are quite far into a new life. I've been divorced 5 years. I still hate him with a passion. He married the AP, bought a house the other side of London from where I live with our 4 DC (some are adults now) and he picks and chooses when to see them and pays very little. If he died tomorrow I'd be delighted but sad for the DC.

Not me as still married, but my parents have divorced 40+ years and still see each other and their partners and them have done some stuff together

Getting on for 6yrs ago for me. He left me absolutely penniless, with destroyed confidence. I still have anxiety and insomnia as a result but I have achieved my aim, which was to make sure DD has a comfortable, happy and stable childhood after her first 6yrs of near neglect due to his financial abuse. I am so proud of how I've gone from literally nothing to owning a period home, DD having a pony and her own bedroom (with him she slept in the living room of our caravan); we can go for days out and grab a nice lunch or visit the gift shop without having to worry about it. I am no loger sweating at the supermarket till or petrol pump, crossing my fingers that my card wont be declined. I have a partner who is the opposite of exDH - cheerful, generous, takes family and responsibility seriously, shares with me, supports me. Wouldnt dream of running up debt in my name!

Ex pays no support and has found himself a new doormat to do all his bidding. I feel so bad for her, if theres ever an errand needs running for DD its always her that does it. I pray she isnt stupid enough to saddle herself with his child, he's a terrible babydaddy! He barely sees DD and doesnt complain, the contact is getting less and less between them, i think DD is coming to see how boring and uncaring he is.

Split 6 years ago, kids are now early / mid teens.

We live a 10 min walk from each other, lucky to both be in decent enough homes where kids have their own rooms. He earns much more than me so his lifestyle is full of overseas holidays, expensive restaurants, home improvements etc whereas I am doing ok but can’t afford the luxuries.

We co parent 50/50 and probably message a few times a week - mostly about the kids but sometimes just sharing stuff we think the other would like.

We are both happy, both have new partners of about 4-5 years but neither of us live with our partners. We get on pretty well and occasionally do family things together, spend Xmas day together etc.

The last few years of marriage were difficult and the split was pretty horrendous but mutual That probably helped us to be able to move to a better place once the divorce and all details finalised and our lives untangled.

@BarleySugars amazing story. How do you pull yourself out of the financial mire?

Separated 4 years ago, 3 children. Have a good life now and are good friends. We both live with new partners and have moved closer so the kids can easily walk between homes. The youngest has just started middle school.

We did 50/50 for four years but his new job requires travel so now they do Fri/ sat nights with their dad, back to me for Sunday lunch.

Job wise, I did a post grad when we split and relaunched my career. I earn very well so do not need money from him.

Ten years on. Have had three new partners since (two were big mistakes - a cocklodger, liar and cheat and the other a narcissist). Currently living with my partner who is very different from my ex but I don't think I'll ever re-marry. I'm still really sad and angry that my marriage didn't work (he had an affair) and still hate him for the deceit and breaking up our family. Am very jealous of those in long and stable marriages (most of my friends) but am very happy with my current partner of 6 plus years. My exH paid hardly any maintenance but somehow I managed.

Divorced 6 years. People keep telling me I am “back to being myself” - the girl they knew 20 years ago. Kind of lost who I was during a very miserable marriage that should have ended years before it finally did. Have to admit it took a while to get here and the first year post divorce I was on medication for anxiety - facing the future alone with young children felt overwhelming and I was scared about everything. I have had a few relationships - nothing serious and would never live with a man again but am delighted to have re-discovered a life sex life that I know some married friends envy. My ex has a long term partner and seems happy - but we only communicate on child related matters however I wouldn’t say we’ve moved into “co-parenting” he isn’t involved in any decision making he just has them sleeping over on alternate weekends. I think divorce must be far easier if you are child free. Good luck OP, enjoy your freedom and your future!

Divorced 6 years ago. It was entirely my choice and he has never accepted it, even though I'm getting married next year.

He has done everything possible to make life difficult for me and the children. I had to go to court to get a non molestation order after he was violent towards my DP and aggressive to me at a school event, in front of about 300 people, completely unprovoked.

I absolutely despise him and can't believe I was ever married to him. We met when I was 18 and he was 28 and I feel like I must have been in some kind of trance - he wasn't even nice to me back then. I am highly educated and successful and I still can't answer the question of how I stayed for so long with a man that made me miserable from the very start.

My DC hate him. My 11 year old DD hasn't spoken to him in almost a year and has panic attacks if she ever sees his car (sadly he lives very close by). My DS goes there 50/50 but asks me every week when he can stop going.

I'd hoped it could be a lot more amicable than this - I offered Xmases together and days out etc but his bitterness saw him cut off his nose to spite his face. It is that bitterness that has damaged the children.

The day I can have nothing more to do with him will be one of the best days of my life.

I hope your situation ends up much more amicably than mine!!!

Got married at 20, divorced at 23. We had a house together but no children. We outgrew each other...

I met my current DP about a month after we split, completely uninterested in a relationship so soon but we spent time together and took things verrrrry slowly. We each had to sell houses with our exes so bought houses on our own, 6 years later we have sold one house and made enough in it to pay off the mortgage, have a beautiful little girl (12 weeks old) and are absolutely in love with each other.

ExH has had 3 children since we split, seems very happy. No bad feeling there - although no contact needed.

I'll be 30 next year and so so glad I did not stay in that marriage to prove all the people who said "I was stupid to get married at 20" wrong. But I was... lol!

4 years post separation, had to live together for 2 years while finances sorted. Had my own place 2 years & have retained majority care of DC. They go to him 1 mid-week night & EOW plus 50% school holidays.

To start with, I just recovered from a near-15 year relationship which was primarily unhappy & an awful break up. Ex is your textbook narcissist.

I have a good social life, great circle of friends & a successful career.

Ex has a girlfriend of 4 years - she seems nice enough - god help her.

I've started seeing someone (via OLD) & am starting to enjoy sex again in my 50's, after a sexless relationship. It's amazing!!!!

Have as little as possible to with ex.

My life is so much better without him.

Divorced nearly 8 years ago after 4 years of horrendous-ness at the tailend of our marriage. Very happy. Had 2 long term relationships since, but now single. ex moved in with someone 5 months after divorce

I enjoy dating and might start again soon....

He's still abusive to me as much as he can be (mostly financial these days). Took him several years to have the children overnight and he only has the youngest(who was very young when we split). as the oldest don't bother. I still avoid seeing him as much as I can, but luckily don't have to much these days.

My career has gone from strength to strength. Have some amazing female friends, a lovely relationship with the children. I have no regrets about it. I have got a huge mortgage though that I'll be paying off until I'm 68 unless I sell up sooner! The absolute best thing I did in my life was continue working throughout my marriage, it meant that I could afford to divorce and live a pretty comfortable life now.

Where to start? No more meds, anxiety or depression. No more treading on eggshells, ego massaging or having to listen to bullshit business ideas. No more supporting him financially whilst he pretended to be a successful businessman whilst conning people out of their money.

Much happier, healthier and better off. Not looking back, only forward, staying single.

Him, more of the same fantasist delusions of grandeur with other people's money. Hoping HMRC will catch up with him. 😊

25 years on for me

He's still with the OW and seemingly happy - my mum bumps into his occasionally

For me I met and fell for my DH within a year. Still totally in love with 2 adult kids and I'm semi retirement living in my dream location.

I burnt my divorce papers a couple of years ago. Very cathartic to leave all of that behind at last 😊

I found divorce liberating and it allowed me to reinvent myself into the person I kept suppressed all those years. It was a welcome reset and the best thing for both of us.

Not guna lie, it was bloody tough. I so wanted to give up,many times, i cried myself to sleep at night, wanted to end it all. Obvs i had to stay for DD. So, never give up! In terms of earning more money:

Got a career coach - well worth it, turned everything around

Job hop, and be ruthless. Employers would change you in a heartbeat, dont get sentimental. I have about tripled my earnings in 3yrs. I don't have any qualifications to write home about.

Believe in yourself - men generally do by default, copy them. The amount of utterly incompetent male windbags in positions of power reminds me 'yes, i can do this'