I think my son's dad is deliberately taking him more to avoid paying out in a financial settlement

[Namechange596]

Call me cynical, but my son's dad has started taking him a lot more since he received the divorce petition. I think it has dawned on him that I will require a financial settlement and he is now taking our son on more overnights.
I suspect this is to enable him to pay less if it's 50/50 custody, if it went to Court etc.
Has anyone's ex ever done this? I don't like the idea of him doing this because of financial reasons, like he's trying to thwart me.

Surely the ideal outcome in any separation is that both parents continue to parent in the best way possible for the children. It's a good thing that he's seeing his child.

You sound like you'd rather have the money than your child have a dad.

Also wanted to add that I've had 75 to 80 percent of the childcare the last 2 years, does that make any difference to a settlement?

Isn't that better for your shared son though?

Ere you spending more time with your son because you don’t want to pay your ex husband child maintenance?
perhaps he loves his child…?

Perhaps now that you are not going to be a family unit he actually wants more time with his child ?
yiu will likely have to pick up extra financial responsibilities you currently don’t have, we will pick up extra child care he currently doesn’t do

roes change when people separate

Dads are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If you have concerns keep a track of the days he spends with him and compare with his record post settlement.

It's just that I have done the lion's share of childcare since the split a couple of years ago. And for a while there he was only having him 2 nights a week, (a day and a half) and now that he's received the petition, he's upping it to 3 to 4 nights.
I think it's great that he still sees his son and I love the break but don't like that it is potentially coming from a place to save himself money basically

I can understand why you feel this way then.

I expect you are right. Honestly there is nothing you can do.

The financial settlement is unlikely to be impacted by this
his ongoing cns ( which is separate to financial settlement) will be

I know a few men who left 80% or more of the child rearing stuff to their wives until divorce and they realised that 50/50 would mean they didn’t have to pay maintenance

I know fathers that changed jobs post-divorce to less demanding jobs so that they can care more for their children, something that they couldn't do during marriage when they had to maintain an expensive household.

50/50 is simply a way to deprive women of proper child maintenance.

Yeah. 50/50 can mean half the week bumming about and half the week trying to make up to 100 pee cent parenting.

And they often rope in some other poor woman to outsource their parenting to

If it is 50/50 why would the mother need "proper maintenance" - each parents feeds/clothes their child in their home, split costs for uniform, trips, clubs

Yes, and weirdly once all the dust was settled and everything signed, you can guess what happened.

Unfortunately, there's not much at all you can do about it.

I think a lot of people have responded to you without any experience of separating with a parent who might be less than trustworthy. It’s very possible he’s increased his time with his child to avoid paying child maintenance but you can apply to adjust the CM if and when he decides he can’t be bothered anymore. As for the financial settlement I’m told 50:50 vs 60:40 for example doesn’t make that much difference, compared to say 70/30. Ultimately you don’t get much of a say but do keep a record of nights spent with whom.

Utter rubbish. It’s a way of ensuring that children get to see both parents equally. I am a woman who divorced my first husband and we had our child 50/50. I didn’t want any money from him because I’m perfectly capable of earning my own income.

Utter rubbish

😂😂😂

It is utter rubbish

You're OP sounded more like you were talking of care of DC before seperation. This is different as you've been seperated for a while and he's only now stepping up when financials are going to be sorted. It does look dodgy, not much you can do though except show mediator/court what % care he's had since the split and how recent this change is. Generally younger children need routine and stability, it could be good to formalise the days/nights you each have DC at what the longer term ongoing care pattern is going to be. It can be hard for DC if they don't know when they're going to be where.

Mmm. Wonder how often there is a genuine 50 50 split in mental load and family management type tasks? Or whether that's still falling to one parent?

I agree. The financial and admin burden is rarely split 50/50 even if the time is.