Specific issue and child arrangements

[Menmum09]

I’ve been separated from my ex about 5 years. I recently moved in with my new partner, who I’ve been with for over 2 years. My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it. We moved so that we could build a much larger house so that we all had a lot more room, especially with my growing children. He couldn’t stop the move but has stopped the children moving to the school down the road. The school is just as good as the one they’re at now, it just means they don’t have to commute for 2 hours a day and can make friends in our new neighbourhood. His reasons are that he is worried about the emotional impact of them moving schools. I don’t believe this to be true and I feel he’s simply doing it because he can and it will cause issues.

He wouldn’t turn up to mediation and didn’t show up to the first hearing. My solicitor has also tried to put a childcare order in place, which states he gets one full weekend every alternate weekend - so we both get quality time. I’ve also said he can have time in the holidays and extra at Xmas and birthdays. He agreed at first but now is also fighting this. He’s making up malicious lies which he states he will be telling the courts and that I’ll regret taking him to court.

My ex isn’t a very nice man and I have had to have the police on him on numerous occasions. Unless it’s on his terms he becomes nasty and volatile. I’ve always maintained a relationship with the children and himself allowing most weekend access, this meant I had no quality time with them as we were all so tired from work and school.

Has anyone had similar dealings in court and what was your outcomes. All I want is my children to go to a local school and to have quality time with them. We’ve bought a tourer caravan and are planning lots of family mini breaks together, I don’t want my ex to now damage all the children’s plans through pure vindictiveness.

just to add, he’s trying to arrange visits with the kids via the kids instead of through me. I do think this isn’t fair on an 11 year old girl who is already very torn between two parents.

similar.left an abusive violent controlling ex with 1 son.did all the right things try to keep contact mediation etc. Never turned up, always lies.Took to court judge saw it all lies etc oh and he didn't turn up to the many hearings and actually banned contact father has never seen child since a month old as it was not in the best interest of son to be around an abusive parent. We now live 200 miles away and son is now 14. Not sure why you feel you can't go court sounds a horrible ex tbh imagine what he is making up when with kids etc and messing with there heads.good luck

But he did so I’m not really bothered in what your small mind has to say. Obviously had your ex dump on you big time, either that or you live in a perfect world!! Hope it’s made you happy being a bully!

Very defensive because we disagree with year you. Gl OP YABU, and the 13 old can make their own arrangements without going through you. You moved them away without any thought about what's best for them.

13 year old wants to move and actually wants to cut to alternate weekends! Get your facts straight

If some think it's best for the children being around a man like this they clearly are cuckoo or never been in that situation. If you have proof of all harassment etc etc get to court and solve it. He will turn it on the children eventually. My ex also had an older daughter other than my new baby son and when she got to 13 he beat her because she didnt agree over something.He was also banned from seeing her thru court. You enjoy your nice relationship, I also got lucky in my next one and happily married still with another 3 children and now know what it's like to be treat like. Of we hadn't gone thru courts we would still be dealing with harassment,crap,lies,stalking all of which stopped after court.

Op I wouldn’t waste your breath anymore. Some people are so small minded and judgmental and clearly know your children and ex and your partner better than you do 🙄. They also haven’t had experience of an abusive narcissistic ex. And like I said in a previous post, if you move a new partner into your life before your kids are all grown up and moved out your doing it wrong 🙄🤣

As someone with an abusive and harrassing ex myself I cannot understand why you didn't go through the legal process before the move. I don't buy that you accepted his verbal agreement would be final. I think you took the risk it would be ok at your dc's expense, knowing this might well happen.

Who is being nasty? Truthful perhaps but where have they been nasty?

Honestly this thread is like the Twilight Zone. People are just making things up left right and centre and having a go at OP about the things they have made up. Accusations of drip feeding when she put everything in the original post.

Why on earth are women blaming another woman for this shit show which is entirely the fault of a dick head man and you should know that if you had bothered to actually read the OP not just skim through and pick out bits to make a completely different narrative?

OP your ex is a twat. I am glad you are happy with your new man who sounds like he's a good one and most of the posters on here are obviously struggling with the Easter holidays and have lost the plot completely.

I hope the court agrees to the school move and your ex finds some other poor sucker to concentrate on soon and then he probably won't want to be bothered with the kids at all.

It's sad for the children but as he's such a knob it's probably best in the long run and sad for whoever he takes up with in the future as she will no doubt have to go through it all too at some point. Mind you if he's been on grinder that would be a good thing. No more poor children's lives to mess up (unless he does a Tom Daley and rents a womb).

Apologies if I read your OP incorrect but my reading of your OP was that the courts were unlikely to enforce your opinion over your Ex opinion regarding schooling - that the court doesn't take on board children's input.

Therefore the court is unlikely to enforce a move - so you need to stop wasting energy. Yes it is unfair on your children but it isn't something that will change as this is not within your control.

You need to to figure out a way to facilitate the situation that you are in. You can only change what you have control over. So you have control over where you live, learning to drive, go for an intensive course, arranging a reliable lift - have you contacted any local taxi firms etc do they do a discount for a number of trips per week to reduce your children's commute - these are things that are within your control.

Frankly, you are a bit stuck on the unfairness - which is understandable but it wont help you or your children until you grab the bull by the horns and figure the best of a bad situation.

What a shit show

for three children

Crikey, I'm not sure what universe some of these posters live in. How on earth is it preferable for children to live in a cold, damp house, pandering to every whim of their deadbeat dad who can't even be arsed to show up to court?

OP, I'm not qualified to give advice but I hope the courts rule in your favour.

He is their farther like it it lump it

Some of the responses here are bizarre!

I wouldn't have dreamed of asking my ex his opinion of whether I should move! He doesn't pay my bills and doesn't have to do the day to day grind, it's non of his business! The only exception I would discuss is if we were moving a decent commute from him, but that is not the case here.

OP said she's been with partner 2 years not 2 weeks, not that that is the issue either.

Moving to a better house, perfectly reasonable.
Changing schools for a shorter commute, again, reasonable and fairly commonplace.

Could you not put an application in to move schools and put the onus on him to speak up if he chooses? I'm not familiar with the process if one parent objects, we weren't asked separately and my ex didn't give a shit about the children one way or another, so haven't been fully in that scenario.

You simply don't understand the legalities. She can't move the dc's school without their father's permission.

*Unless the court overrules him.

So the ex does absolutely nothing in terms of their schooling but wants to cause issues for the children with a long commute to a school they dislike. Doesn’t sound like he is thinking of the child’s best interests at all. Now the children are getting to an age where the court will take into account what they want I think he will find they will vote with their feet and choose not to see him that often. No decent dad would do this. If he is objecting so much you would think he would get involved and be engaged with the current school but hasn’t bother.

I think there's a lot of naivety on this thread. Controlling and manipulative men do succeed in stopping women moving or moving their dc's schools and it makes no difference if they aren't dad of the year. The family courts don't work the way you might expect.

Time is not on your side as your eldest , I'm assuming, will start their GCSEs later this year or next year.

You really need to learn to drive asap as it may not be possible to change schools.

Yes you can. You can absolutely change a child’s school without the other parents permission. However, the other parent can object to it. Which this dad obviously has.

Sorry, that was a genuine question, I really don't know how it works when one parent objects to a school move. As I mentioned earlier, my ex was completely disinterested and he couldn't tell you what school his kids even go to.

Mumsnet universe lol

Technically you might be able to do it without permission, but legally, if the other parent still has parental responsibility neither parent can unilaterally move a child’s school without the consent of the other.

If you can do it without permission/consent that kind of circumvents the whole point of asking the court to decide it as a specific issue doesn’t it!

If somebody goes ahead and changes a child’s school without consent of the other parent that is a blatant disregard for the other’s parental responsibility, regardless of what you might think of them or their parenting ability.

Some kids really do get a shitty lot in life don’t they

What was the out come of the court in relation to moving schools? I know this post is old but just wondering.