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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Specific issue and child arrangements

125 replies

Menmum09 · 11/04/2023 10:46

I’ve been separated from my ex about 5 years. I recently moved in with my new partner, who I’ve been with for over 2 years. My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it. We moved so that we could build a much larger house so that we all had a lot more room, especially with my growing children. He couldn’t stop the move but has stopped the children moving to the school down the road. The school is just as good as the one they’re at now, it just means they don’t have to commute for 2 hours a day and can make friends in our new neighbourhood. His reasons are that he is worried about the emotional impact of them moving schools. I don’t believe this to be true and I feel he’s simply doing it because he can and it will cause issues.

He wouldn’t turn up to mediation and didn’t show up to the first hearing. My solicitor has also tried to put a childcare order in place, which states he gets one full weekend every alternate weekend - so we both get quality time. I’ve also said he can have time in the holidays and extra at Xmas and birthdays. He agreed at first but now is also fighting this. He’s making up malicious lies which he states he will be telling the courts and that I’ll regret taking him to court.

My ex isn’t a very nice man and I have had to have the police on him on numerous occasions. Unless it’s on his terms he becomes nasty and volatile. I’ve always maintained a relationship with the children and himself allowing most weekend access, this meant I had no quality time with them as we were all so tired from work and school.

Has anyone had similar dealings in court and what was your outcomes. All I want is my children to go to a local school and to have quality time with them. We’ve bought a tourer caravan and are planning lots of family mini breaks together, I don’t want my ex to now damage all the children’s plans through pure vindictiveness.

just to add, he’s trying to arrange visits with the kids via the kids instead of through me. I do think this isn’t fair on an 11 year old girl who is already very torn between two parents.

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 12/04/2023 09:35

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:28

Not lies and I can provide the proof too!

Show quote history

😂Look it up.

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:35

So you moved knowing that your children would be doing this horrible commute and you don’t drive and what… you just hoped it would all work out and you could change schools mid year and your ex, having not co parented well previously, would be absolutely fine with it?

you took a huge risk and it hasn’t paid off. For your children. You however, don’t do the commute because you don’t drive and you’re living with your boyfriend. So all good. For you

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:36

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 09:35

Ah missed that bit. Did you get it in writing?

Show quote history

No, he told me and the kids he wouldn’t stop the move etc and that he wouldn’t kick up a fuss! Obviously lied. Wasn’t until I put the forms in he objected again!

OP posts:
potatowhale · 12/04/2023 09:37

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:35

So you moved knowing that your children would be doing this horrible commute and you don’t drive and what… you just hoped it would all work out and you could change schools mid year and your ex, having not co parented well previously, would be absolutely fine with it?

you took a huge risk and it hasn’t paid off. For your children. You however, don’t do the commute because you don’t drive and you’re living with your boyfriend. So all good. For you

I missed it too but OP says he agreed they could move schools but now he's changed his mind

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:37

So the new school that you want to move your children to in the middle of school year… they have spaces for all three?

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 09:37

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:36

No, he told me and the kids he wouldn’t stop the move etc and that he wouldn’t kick up a fuss! Obviously lied. Wasn’t until I put the forms in he objected again!

Show quote history

I seee sorry I didn't get it. What a tosser

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:38

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:35

So you moved knowing that your children would be doing this horrible commute and you don’t drive and what… you just hoped it would all work out and you could change schools mid year and your ex, having not co parented well previously, would be absolutely fine with it?

you took a huge risk and it hasn’t paid off. For your children. You however, don’t do the commute because you don’t drive and you’re living with your boyfriend. So all good. For you

I commute every day with them? Promising the kids they could move schools and watching what their dad has done is awful

OP posts:
Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:38

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 09:37

I seee sorry I didn't get it. What a tosser

Show quote history

Bollox he did Op
completely contradicts your Op

My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:39

My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it

but now you’re saying that he said “yeah sure, move the kids mid year from their schools”. 🤔

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:40

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:38

Bollox he did Op
completely contradicts your Op

My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it

Show quote history

he Kicked off then agreed! Please read first before commenting

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/04/2023 09:40

Suggest the ex he stays with them week days term time so they can continue at their current school as a solution. Doesn't sound like he'd agree to that and shows you are willing to find a solution.

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:40

So you’re now saying that you do the commute with them. So 8 hours of travelling for you a day

and yet…

As I work in a school

😂

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:41

RandomMess · 12/04/2023 09:40

Suggest the ex he stays with them week days term time so they can continue at their current school as a solution. Doesn't sound like he'd agree to that and shows you are willing to find a solution.

I said if he can take them and bring them back every day then they can stay. He said no!

OP posts:
Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:41

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:40

he Kicked off then agreed! Please read first before commenting

Show quote history

So he kicked off
tried everything to stop you moving
then said sure
now saying no

how come you didn’t say that he did agree in your OP 🤔

and how are you managing to work in a school and travel 8 hours a day?

BridieConvert · 12/04/2023 09:43

Can you be 100% sure your children actually are happy to move and aren't just saying it?
My mum left my dad when I was a similar age (dad is a prize twat).
Asked if I was ok with boyfriend moving in, I said yes (I wasn't). Asked if I was ok moving house, I said yes (I wasn't). I agreed because I felt I had to because my mum clearly wanted me to.
So my point is, just because they say they want to move schools, doesn't mean they actually do and you should be wary of that.

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:43

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:40

So you’re now saying that you do the commute with them. So 8 hours of travelling for you a day

and yet…

As I work in a school

😂

i take them to school!! So I have to commute. I’ve taken a job near them so I can but I want a job elsewhere too. It’s 2 hours per day, one there and back! Some horrible people on here

OP posts:
EllandRd · 12/04/2023 09:44

Menmum09 · 11/04/2023 10:46

I’ve been separated from my ex about 5 years. I recently moved in with my new partner, who I’ve been with for over 2 years. My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it. We moved so that we could build a much larger house so that we all had a lot more room, especially with my growing children. He couldn’t stop the move but has stopped the children moving to the school down the road. The school is just as good as the one they’re at now, it just means they don’t have to commute for 2 hours a day and can make friends in our new neighbourhood. His reasons are that he is worried about the emotional impact of them moving schools. I don’t believe this to be true and I feel he’s simply doing it because he can and it will cause issues.

He wouldn’t turn up to mediation and didn’t show up to the first hearing. My solicitor has also tried to put a childcare order in place, which states he gets one full weekend every alternate weekend - so we both get quality time. I’ve also said he can have time in the holidays and extra at Xmas and birthdays. He agreed at first but now is also fighting this. He’s making up malicious lies which he states he will be telling the courts and that I’ll regret taking him to court.

My ex isn’t a very nice man and I have had to have the police on him on numerous occasions. Unless it’s on his terms he becomes nasty and volatile. I’ve always maintained a relationship with the children and himself allowing most weekend access, this meant I had no quality time with them as we were all so tired from work and school.

Has anyone had similar dealings in court and what was your outcomes. All I want is my children to go to a local school and to have quality time with them. We’ve bought a tourer caravan and are planning lots of family mini breaks together, I don’t want my ex to now damage all the children’s plans through pure vindictiveness.

just to add, he’s trying to arrange visits with the kids via the kids instead of through me. I do think this isn’t fair on an 11 year old girl who is already very torn between two parents.

I thinks it's unfair for your children to leave their friends behind in the school where they were settled, I would have to agree with your ex here.

Oubliette86 · 12/04/2023 09:44

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:29

Oh, so it’s as easy as that! Why didn’t I just think of that eh?! I couldn’t afford to learn!

Show quote history

Well now you can afford to learn with the extra money you say you have, if you do automatic it shouldn’t take too long at all. I did an intensive course & passed in a week.

It’s all very well saying well why should the kids stay in the same school when they want to move etc. But regardless of who is right or wrong, this is the situation you & the children are in right now & it’s your job to make their lives easier as it’s your decisions that precipitated this even if done in their best interests.

Nailsandthesea · 12/04/2023 09:47

I moved. I applied before I moved.
ex fought it.

apply to move them schools. Talk about mental health, local friends, what they want, produce ofsted reports on both schools.

look at the local clubs offering eg cricket

My ex fought the move but it was fine and the judge ruled in was in their interests to move - both schools outstanding etc

the time was a huge factor

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:47

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:43

i take them to school!! So I have to commute. I’ve taken a job near them so I can but I want a job elsewhere too. It’s 2 hours per day, one there and back! Some horrible people on here

Show quote history

So your job is also back in the original place?

so 4 people including three children and one non driver having to endure significant inconvenience. And your partner? What about him? Im guessing he doesn’t!

EllandRd · 12/04/2023 09:48

Azerothi · 12/04/2023 08:26

If he was as difficult as you say what did he do to give you the impression he would go along with you moving the children from their school so you could move in with a new boyfriend?

Was it you who, by moving, who inflicted the 2 hour commute on them or someone else? Am I missing something here?

Exactly, why move away causing a 2 hour commute each day?

Valour · 12/04/2023 09:48

The replies here are insane. OP consulted her ex, and her kids, who all agreed that moving schools was acceptable. Ex only changed his mind after the move. The kids are no further away from him now than they were before.

You could have started this thread on a different day and it would have gone very differently- MN is so weird like that sometimes, very influenced by mob mentality! I hope court goes your way OP, and that your children get what they want.

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:48

Interesting drip feed that you neglected to mention in your OP that he did agree to moving schools before you moved 🤔

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:49

Nailsandthesea · 12/04/2023 09:47

I moved. I applied before I moved.
ex fought it.

apply to move them schools. Talk about mental health, local friends, what they want, produce ofsted reports on both schools.

look at the local clubs offering eg cricket

My ex fought the move but it was fine and the judge ruled in was in their interests to move - both schools outstanding etc

the time was a huge factor

Thanks! That’s very helpful

OP posts:
Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:51

EllandRd · 12/04/2023 09:48

Exactly, why move away causing a 2 hour commute each day?

Show quote history

but They were supposed to move schools straight away!

OP posts: