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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Specific issue and child arrangements

125 replies

Menmum09 · 11/04/2023 10:46

I’ve been separated from my ex about 5 years. I recently moved in with my new partner, who I’ve been with for over 2 years. My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it. We moved so that we could build a much larger house so that we all had a lot more room, especially with my growing children. He couldn’t stop the move but has stopped the children moving to the school down the road. The school is just as good as the one they’re at now, it just means they don’t have to commute for 2 hours a day and can make friends in our new neighbourhood. His reasons are that he is worried about the emotional impact of them moving schools. I don’t believe this to be true and I feel he’s simply doing it because he can and it will cause issues.

He wouldn’t turn up to mediation and didn’t show up to the first hearing. My solicitor has also tried to put a childcare order in place, which states he gets one full weekend every alternate weekend - so we both get quality time. I’ve also said he can have time in the holidays and extra at Xmas and birthdays. He agreed at first but now is also fighting this. He’s making up malicious lies which he states he will be telling the courts and that I’ll regret taking him to court.

My ex isn’t a very nice man and I have had to have the police on him on numerous occasions. Unless it’s on his terms he becomes nasty and volatile. I’ve always maintained a relationship with the children and himself allowing most weekend access, this meant I had no quality time with them as we were all so tired from work and school.

Has anyone had similar dealings in court and what was your outcomes. All I want is my children to go to a local school and to have quality time with them. We’ve bought a tourer caravan and are planning lots of family mini breaks together, I don’t want my ex to now damage all the children’s plans through pure vindictiveness.

just to add, he’s trying to arrange visits with the kids via the kids instead of through me. I do think this isn’t fair on an 11 year old girl who is already very torn between two parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:00

Jesus!! Some really small minded people on here!! I had a baby after 2 years with my ex and he moved into my home.

My partner is a good man! How long do you need to know someone??? We love each other very much and I know I’m far happier with my new partner and more secure than I was with my ex! My ex cheated and lied! So please keep your swearing and unnecessary ideologies to yourself!

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 12/04/2023 09:03

If you have any evidence of his threats or nasty behaviour, put them in the court bundle.

The court will do whatever is in the kid's best interests, and a long commute isn't good, nor the fact that you will have kids split into 2 school catchment areas. If they're going to move schools then now's the time to do it.

murielstacey · 12/04/2023 09:03

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here.

It is completely understandable that you, like any other family, can make the decision that moving area is the best decision for your family. I am unsure why the prevailing assumption seems to be that you're making an entirely selfish decision. Also if this move is not remotely affecting either your ex's access or time with the children, then I cannot really see why he needs to have massive input into the decision, especially if the children also want to move schools.

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:04

* I had a baby after 2 years with my ex and he moved into my home. *

precisely. Look how that turned out

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:06

I do feel there may be quite a few bitter individuals on here. People move on and find happier relationships. Happy parents means happier kids. Just because theirs a step parent involved doesn’t mean disaster! I have a stepson who I treat as my own! His mum doesn’t have an issue with me! I get that people have strong opinions but can we please keep comments civil and no swearing!

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 12/04/2023 09:06

Sux2buthen · 12/04/2023 08:58

Almost all wanky replies.
OP, he's being a twat. If you can't change anything he's doing then all you can do is rise above it and don't let him know he has any power.
Be happy in your new family set up and glad he's not there, he sounds like a bitter moron

Yes you'd think no one has ever moved house and kids have never had to move school. A better house where the children are happy is clearly for the best and the dad is being ridiculous to hurt his ex and completely forgetting he's hurting his kids. He needs to grow up.

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:07

Yeh and we had 2 more kids and was together 12 years before I found him on grinder!!! So keep your nasty little remarks to yourself

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 12/04/2023 09:09

OP mention your kids had to share a room in the old house and suddenly it will be you had to move as sharing a room is so damaging. This place is mad sometimes.

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:09

each to their own

but 2 years from when you have met him
to uproot three children 2 hours away from school and friends and activities

just seems… well, bloody selfish 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:09

I would like to add that I’ve had to have my ex done for harassment 4 times!! This was prior and during my relationship with my partner. He attacks my job and has tried to ruin my relationships! He threatened to drive a car through my window.

OP posts:
Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:10

And very very risky

Facem81 · 12/04/2023 09:10

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:09

I would like to add that I’ve had to have my ex done for harassment 4 times!! This was prior and during my relationship with my partner. He attacks my job and has tried to ruin my relationships! He threatened to drive a car through my window.

Yes.

You had a baby and moved him in within 2 years.

2 years is not enough to know someone sufficiently to agree to move two hours away and uproot your three kids

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:11

I don’t drive so the school commute has to be done via a bus that’s why it’s 2 hour commute! By car it’s 20 min but he doesn’t do the schooling, I do! I’ve not moved them away from him, he’s literally 20 min by car as he was before!

OP posts:
Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:13

He doesn’t offer to take them or pick them up! We leave at 7 and get home at 5! The school down the road is a 15min walk! Buses are one per hour and if missed were late. He does not help in the holidays and never asks for extra time with them. He’s never helped with school life. The kids secondary school have never even spoke to him

OP posts:
Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:14

I feel you need to get all your facts straight before making your assumptions!

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 12/04/2023 09:15

@Iwasafool exactly, I thought I was the only one with a working brain for a minute there.

OP, you're getting some seriously stupid replies, please don't let them wind you up. Sounds like your ex isn't the only one that's bitter!
Two years is clearly fine and if your kids are happy then crack on and enjoy your life Flowers

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2023 09:16

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 07:20

Yes, all 3 children want to move schools. I’ve always checked with them at every step. They hate the commute and are constantly tired at the moment. My ex won’t listen to what the children are saying.

I have already been told that the children won’t be asked in the proceedings, which I was quite shocked about.

I totally understand why you would think that, but no parents wants a child to commute to a school for an hour each morning and afternoon. Our days are 7-5 now. If the school was a high achieving school then I would be more inclined to keep them there, but it’s just as good as the one down the road.

I will and have always asked the children what they want, at every step and this is why we’re now in court because I believe in getting my children’s voices heard.

They may well hate the commute, so why didn’t you think about that when you moved them so far away from their school? Why should their father agree to moving them? You made that choice, their hate of the commute is completely down to you.
You say you’ve ‘allowed’ him most weekend access - it’s not up to you to allow him anything. That are his children too and the children should be able to see both parents equally. It sounds like you're controlling the situation and your children are stuck in the middle.

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:16

We moved 5 months ago and everyone has noticed how happy and settled the kids are. Everyone is happier! My partner has even got a caravan so he can take my kids away! Not all new relationships are bad! Some are for the better

OP posts:
Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:17

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2023 09:16

They may well hate the commute, so why didn’t you think about that when you moved them so far away from their school? Why should their father agree to moving them? You made that choice, their hate of the commute is completely down to you.
You say you’ve ‘allowed’ him most weekend access - it’s not up to you to allow him anything. That are his children too and the children should be able to see both parents equally. It sounds like you're controlling the situation and your children are stuck in the middle.

Show quote history

He doesn’t want them in the week. He agreed previously and then changed his mind when we moved! He dropped everything!! Then changed his mind afterwards! Jesus! Read before commenting

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 12/04/2023 09:19

Assuming the courts don't go your way, and given the fact it is only a 20 minute drive - is there a way for you to learn to drive? or arrange a taxi/car pool lift?

I would not put my children through that commute its unfair and will grind them and you down. I appreciate the positives you set out in the new home etc but given your circumstances the pay off is at their cost. This isn't your fault - but you have the control on where you live which is impacting your children.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 12/04/2023 09:19

It's a real shame he couldn't block you moving some bloke into your children's home. Unbelievable that you're trying to blame him for the "commute" that you created.

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:20

Sux2buthen · 12/04/2023 09:15

@Iwasafool exactly, I thought I was the only one with a working brain for a minute there.

OP, you're getting some seriously stupid replies, please don't let them wind you up. Sounds like your ex isn't the only one that's bitter!
Two years is clearly fine and if your kids are happy then crack on and enjoy your life Flowers

Thank you, I was beginning to think everyone on here was horrible and bitter. I know so many happy people that have moved on with new partners. I’m not taking his rights away. If he had something to do with school then fair enough, but he doesn’t! He even said himself before that the primary my son goes to is rubbish!!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 12/04/2023 09:20

Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:11

I don’t drive so the school commute has to be done via a bus that’s why it’s 2 hour commute! By car it’s 20 min but he doesn’t do the schooling, I do! I’ve not moved them away from him, he’s literally 20 min by car as he was before!

If you dont drive, why did you move so far from their school???

Original poster
Menmum09 · 12/04/2023 09:21

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 12/04/2023 09:19

It's a real shame he couldn't block you moving some bloke into your children's home. Unbelievable that you're trying to blame him for the "commute" that you created.

I didn’t move him in! Jesus!! Staying in a smalls cold damp house is better, is it? Get with the real world

OP posts:
TheWitchwithNoName · 12/04/2023 09:21

Because her ex had agreed the DC could move schools but then changed his mind..

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