Specific issue and child arrangements

[Menmum09]

I’ve been separated from my ex about 5 years. I recently moved in with my new partner, who I’ve been with for over 2 years. My ex wasn’t happy about this and tried everything to stop it. We moved so that we could build a much larger house so that we all had a lot more room, especially with my growing children. He couldn’t stop the move but has stopped the children moving to the school down the road. The school is just as good as the one they’re at now, it just means they don’t have to commute for 2 hours a day and can make friends in our new neighbourhood. His reasons are that he is worried about the emotional impact of them moving schools. I don’t believe this to be true and I feel he’s simply doing it because he can and it will cause issues.

He wouldn’t turn up to mediation and didn’t show up to the first hearing. My solicitor has also tried to put a childcare order in place, which states he gets one full weekend every alternate weekend - so we both get quality time. I’ve also said he can have time in the holidays and extra at Xmas and birthdays. He agreed at first but now is also fighting this. He’s making up malicious lies which he states he will be telling the courts and that I’ll regret taking him to court.

My ex isn’t a very nice man and I have had to have the police on him on numerous occasions. Unless it’s on his terms he becomes nasty and volatile. I’ve always maintained a relationship with the children and himself allowing most weekend access, this meant I had no quality time with them as we were all so tired from work and school.

Has anyone had similar dealings in court and what was your outcomes. All I want is my children to go to a local school and to have quality time with them. We’ve bought a tourer caravan and are planning lots of family mini breaks together, I don’t want my ex to now damage all the children’s plans through pure vindictiveness.

just to add, he’s trying to arrange visits with the kids via the kids instead of through me. I do think this isn’t fair on an 11 year old girl who is already very torn between two parents.

Because it was the best option for the children. The house was bigger and better for them as they grow. No damp and leaky roof!!! Better prospects!

Plus like I said, he agreed at first

I hope the court listens to sense. You have an unpleasant ex who puts putting you through difficultly before what is best for his own DC.

Are you able to learn to drive to save that awful commute?

Learning to drive could take ages! No one can take them and why going to a school miles away any good for them? When can they see Friends and have social lives outside of school. If the children want to move then why is it so hard? Surely what they want is important

Typical mumsnet, you must never move on with a new partner if you have children, and if you do, you must wait till they are adults and flown the nest 🙄. Knowing someone for 2 years means you don’t even know them.. wtf. The mind boggles.

op he sounds like an absolute tit, and it sounds like the moving schools is in the kids best interest.

Sadly, abusive men tend to continue with their behaviours after divorce. This includes "punishing" the ex wife with repeated court actions, messing them around with contact arrangements / child support and anything else they can do to cause chaos.

As their primary care-giver and residential parent, it is important that you feel happy and settled, as that has a direct effect on them.

I hope you are able to resolve the school issue and reduce the stress and travel commutes.

Look up 'false dichotomy' then start putting your children first.

Also, I can’t afford £20 taxis per day?

And for heaven's sake, learn to drive! It's not difficult, and even easier if you get a little automatic.

Not lies and I can provide the proof too!

Oh, so it’s as easy as that! Why didn’t I just think of that eh?! I couldn’t afford to learn!

OP I'm astounded at some of the comments. I met my now DH in the February and by December the following year, moved in with him. DC changed to a nearby school in January. Luckily no objections from ex as he couldn't be bothered. My DC were so much happier in a better house and Step Dad did all the dad stuff that ex should've done. They love him and it's been a huge success. He's now a much loved grandad too. There are some good men in this world who put their partners and their children first. It sounds like you have been as lucky as me. Good luck with changing schools.

I'm sure he's lovely but your partner isn't their dad.

If dad agreed to you moving so far away then he's being a dick to mess with their school. And even more so to say your dad and partner are in any way responsible for getting his child to school.

Thanks, that means a lot! I think I’ll just delete the post. Too many bitter people on here. Obviously not moved on with their lives and like to upset others!

Why did you move so far from their school then?

It could but you could get started and start to improve the situation

They hate the commute and are constantly tired at the moment

Then you shouldn't have moved them an hour (each way) from the school they were settled in!

This is not about their best interests, if it were then you wouldn't have moved so far away. It really is that simple.

Better housing. Bigger house, less bills, less cold and damp and leaking roof! There were lots of reasons we moved. This was the best logical reason all round and was the best for my kids

If it was the best option then you would have factored in the commute when you decided that so it must still be the best option?

They hate their school!

Yes but it's miles from their school so you knew that when you moved and that must have been taken into account when you decided?

Ex agreed to school move before moving

Again, ex agreed before then changed his mind

Ah missed that bit. Did you get it in writing?