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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex decided to stop paying mortgage

106 replies

Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 14:26

Hope someone can offer advice please?
split up from my partner in September after 10 years. We aren’t married but have a joint mortgage. He’s been paying the mortgage since he left, which has been fine and I’ve not asked for maintenance because of this.
I want to sell the house and split 50/50 after the mortgage has been paid. Estate agents have been round, everything is ready to go but he is blocking the sale by not signing the paperwork until we reach a financial settlement, he hasn’t told me what it is but I think I Know that he wants an extra 35k due to money his parents lent when we brought the house. He won’t speak via phone only through text, with lots of ridiculous emojis!
Todays text has been that has stopped paying the mortgage on the house, I’m not currently in a position to pay as I don’t earn enough.
Can he legally just stop paying the mortgage?
I want the house to sell, I don’t want to be stuck there. How long can we go without paying the mortgage before it’s repossessed? Many thanks in advance for anyones help and advice.

OP posts:
Bellalalala · 09/02/2023 14:30

If his parents ‘lent’ you the 35k, it should be going back to them. They may decide to let him keep it.

But since you were aware it was a loan, can you just agree to giving them it back? Will he pay the mortgage then?

It will harm his credit rating as well, he may need reminding of that

Bellalalala · 09/02/2023 14:31

And tell him since he isn’t paying you will claim maintenance instead.

DoorstoManual · 09/02/2023 14:33

We are gifting DS money in the next ten years. It his and his alone.

piggijg · 09/02/2023 14:36

You need to speak to your solicitor and the bank OP. You might be able to take a mortgage 'holiday' while you thrash out the settlement and get it sold. He's going to wreck both of your credit scores....it's not ideal for either of you.

mybunniesandme · 09/02/2023 14:38

Strictly speaking he "can't" because you both have a responsibility to pay but in reality you can't force him. And you are jointly and severally liable. I'd suggest asking for a payment holiday if you can

cstaff · 09/02/2023 14:42

When his parents lent you that £35k when you bought the house did they have to sign a document confirming that it was a gift and not a loan because that is normal. The bank don't want you to have any more loans due than necessary. If so, you could produce that - it will be with your legal or banking papers and they wont have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 14:42

Sorry, lent may not be the right word. Legally it was gifted.
My solicitor has advised I have no legal obligation to pay back at all.

OP posts:
aonbharr · 09/02/2023 14:44

gifted to him not you.

cstaff · 09/02/2023 14:46

Unless it was ringfenced 10 years ago (to him) when the mortgage was taken out, which is probably unlikely then it doesn't count.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 14:46

Hi OP, glad you have legal advice. Contact your lender and explain the circumstances. He can be forced to sell although it will come at a cost, to you both.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 14:47

How do you hold the property - unless he has a trust deed re the 35k he hasn’t got a sole claim to it.

piggijg · 09/02/2023 14:48

Legally you may not but if it goes all the way to court and your credit rating gets trashed it would be wiser to give it back to him. The barrister/solicitor fees will easily hit 35k if you go the whole way through which would be a bit silly. You can't legally force him to pay the mortgage and it sounds like he's gone into "burn it all down" mode.

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 14:54

So he's paid no maintenance at all? How many kids do you have?

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 14:56

piggijg · 09/02/2023 14:48

Legally you may not but if it goes all the way to court and your credit rating gets trashed it would be wiser to give it back to him. The barrister/solicitor fees will easily hit 35k if you go the whole way through which would be a bit silly. You can't legally force him to pay the mortgage and it sounds like he's gone into "burn it all down" mode.

Her credit rating won’t get trashed if she has a conversation with her lender.

HowcanIhelp123 · 09/02/2023 15:07

@Chocolateandbananas123 I would contact the lender and ask if you can pay interest only for a bit. Should be much more coverable unless you bought very recently. Apply to CMS for maintenance, unless he is self employed and can hide his income he'll have to pay and you can use that towards those interest payments.

If you own the house 50/50 then theres shit all he can do about his parents gift. You could be 'nice' and return but if you're on a much lower wage, retaining primary residence of the kids and you're unmarried so not much else coming from the split I wouldn't. You're going to be in a much worse position than him and you need to house the kids. If you're low enough income to get assistance, if they find out you gave him half of £35K that you were entitled to that is deprivation of assets. Don't risk it.

piggijg · 09/02/2023 15:12

@SpecialK2023 Only if they agree to a payment holiday or interest only. If they don't then her credit rating will be trashed and this could be a huge problem if she needs to rent in the future.

palelavender · 09/02/2023 15:13

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Original poster
Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 15:18

Sarahcoggles · 09/02/2023 14:54

So he's paid no maintenance at all? How many kids do you have?

He hasn’t paid any maintenance since he left in September. He has paid for one months worth of gymnastics lessons, so far.
We have one child together. He also only sees her on a Sunday from 10-5.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 15:21

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Thank you for that. He is more than capable of paying that money back himself.
I have spent the last 10 years of my life living with an abusive alcoholic, who threatened to kill me and my children in front of them, which was the last straw.
I want to make sure that my children and I have enough to live on. I’m not asking for a 60/40 split like my solicitor advised, although it would work out roughly the same if I did that and helped him with the 35k.

OP posts:
TheChoiceIsYours · 09/02/2023 15:21

DoorstoManual · 09/02/2023 14:33

We are gifting DS money in the next ten years. It his and his alone.

Unless he gets married. With the best will in the world you have no way in which to control completely that money remaining his alone. Don’t gift it unless you’re willing to accept that.

FloydPepper · 09/02/2023 15:22

Legally I understand you don’t have to give the 35k back. Morally I think you should. If it were your parents you’d have overwhelming support in trying to get it back, and posters have already said if they were gifting or receiving they’d look to protect it.

MiddleParking · 09/02/2023 15:22

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Are you also raising your sons to not pay maintenance for the human beings they choose to create?

TheChoiceIsYours · 09/02/2023 15:23

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Let’s hope your sons have more of a moral compass than this lady’s ex. Perhaps if he was paying for his children’s upkeep in other ways she wouldn’t be going for 50/50 on the house in line with her legal rights. Don’t judge her as ‘women like you’ without considering that.

FloydPepper · 09/02/2023 15:24

MiddleParking · 09/02/2023 15:22

Are you also raising your sons to not pay maintenance for the human beings they choose to create?

Show quote history

He’s paying the full mortgage in lieu of maintenance. Well… he was.

we don’t know if that means he’s paid more, the same, or less than he should have done.

Hedonism · 09/02/2023 15:27

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What an unnecessary comment.

Have you taught your sons abou the saying 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'?