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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex decided to stop paying mortgage

106 replies

Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 14:26

Hope someone can offer advice please?
split up from my partner in September after 10 years. We aren’t married but have a joint mortgage. He’s been paying the mortgage since he left, which has been fine and I’ve not asked for maintenance because of this.
I want to sell the house and split 50/50 after the mortgage has been paid. Estate agents have been round, everything is ready to go but he is blocking the sale by not signing the paperwork until we reach a financial settlement, he hasn’t told me what it is but I think I Know that he wants an extra 35k due to money his parents lent when we brought the house. He won’t speak via phone only through text, with lots of ridiculous emojis!
Todays text has been that has stopped paying the mortgage on the house, I’m not currently in a position to pay as I don’t earn enough.
Can he legally just stop paying the mortgage?
I want the house to sell, I don’t want to be stuck there. How long can we go without paying the mortgage before it’s repossessed? Many thanks in advance for anyones help and advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 15:29

FloydPepper · 09/02/2023 15:22

Legally I understand you don’t have to give the 35k back. Morally I think you should. If it were your parents you’d have overwhelming support in trying to get it back, and posters have already said if they were gifting or receiving they’d look to protect it.

I am pretty confident that I wouldn’t be getting it back if it were the other way round

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 09/02/2023 15:29

FloydPepper · 09/02/2023 15:24

He’s paying the full mortgage in lieu of maintenance. Well… he was.

we don’t know if that means he’s paid more, the same, or less than he should have done.

Show quote history

Er, yes, we do know that means he’s paid less than he should have done. Honest to god, no wonder these scumbags get away with it.

Zipps · 09/02/2023 15:30

I'm surprised your solicitor isn't making him pay the mortgage. Court can be involved, they can take it out of his wages and unless he can prove he actually can't pay, he can't suddenly stop.

newwings · 09/02/2023 15:30

Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 14:42

Sorry, lent may not be the right word. Legally it was gifted.
My solicitor has advised I have no legal obligation to pay back at all.

My dad gifted me some money towards a house. But that was just a legal formality and we agreed it was a loan, morally it's not mine to keep! He hasn't just decided to stop paying the mortgage for no reason if he kept it up so far? So cut to the chase and admit your not playing fair over the 35k

I suggest you do a fair financial split save you both getting mortgage defaults against your names and apply for child maintenance.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 15:32

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lets hope your sons are better parents!

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 15:32

Zipps · 09/02/2023 15:30

I'm surprised your solicitor isn't making him pay the mortgage. Court can be involved, they can take it out of his wages and unless he can prove he actually can't pay, he can't suddenly stop.

How does a solicitor “make” someone pay without going to court…?

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 15:36

MiddleParking · 09/02/2023 15:29

Er, yes, we do know that means he’s paid less than he should have done. Honest to god, no wonder these scumbags get away with it.

Show quote history

How do you know that if you don't know what the mortgage is? If he's been paying £3k a month I'd say that would probably cover anything he should be paying in maintenance. If it's £200 I'd say he's paid less but without the figures I just wouldn't know.

Divebar2021 · 09/02/2023 15:36

What about if you “give” him £35k and then split the proceeds of the house sale 50/50 or 60/40 BUT seek appropriate maintenance. Would the sale proceeds be enough to make that viable for you?

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 15:38

I've given my kids money, I accept if they split with their partners half of it will go to them. I don't feel great about it but I know that is the reality.

Theunamedcat · 09/02/2023 15:41

Put in a claim for child maintenance ASAP and speak to the lender about going interest only for now till its sold

drpet49 · 09/02/2023 15:43

piggijg · 09/02/2023 14:48

Legally you may not but if it goes all the way to court and your credit rating gets trashed it would be wiser to give it back to him. The barrister/solicitor fees will easily hit 35k if you go the whole way through which would be a bit silly. You can't legally force him to pay the mortgage and it sounds like he's gone into "burn it all down" mode.

This. Your choice OP.

MiddleParking · 09/02/2023 15:44

ancientgran · 09/02/2023 15:36

How do you know that if you don't know what the mortgage is? If he's been paying £3k a month I'd say that would probably cover anything he should be paying in maintenance. If it's £200 I'd say he's paid less but without the figures I just wouldn't know.

Show quote history

Er, because for one thing he’s stopped it, therefore is paying nothing, which I think we can all agree is less than a parent should pay towards their offspring. Second of all, it seems pretty fucking unlikely that a man who’s arguing over a £35k parental gift, mainly in the form of text emojis, is servicing a £3k a month mortgage. Let’s not forget that he’d be paying half the mortgage for his own portion of the debt/asset anyway, so only half of whatever he’s been paying could even be considered to be in lieu of maintenance.

millymollymoomoo · 09/02/2023 15:46

Well as someone upthread stated you hold the mortgage as joint and several therefore lender doesn’t care who pays as long as it’s paid. If he stops, you’ll be expected to pay. If neither of you pay you’ll both get bad credit and ultimately could go into arrears and worst case repossessed

mid you own the house as joint tenants then you are due 50%, not sure why solicitor would suggest trying for 60:40 as you’re not married

put in claim for cms. How does that compare to the mortgage ?
Speak to your lender and see what options you have , don’t just miss a payment

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 15:46

Chocolateandbananas123 · 09/02/2023 14:42

Sorry, lent may not be the right word. Legally it was gifted.
My solicitor has advised I have no legal obligation to pay back at all.

Greed

taxpayer1 · 09/02/2023 15:49

Zipps · 09/02/2023 15:30

I'm surprised your solicitor isn't making him pay the mortgage. Court can be involved, they can take it out of his wages and unless he can prove he actually can't pay, he can't suddenly stop.

That is not true.

2023newyearnewname · 09/02/2023 15:50

£35,000 from his parents to help with purchase that you think should not be considered. I can see why he is waiting to go ahead since it's not a fair settlement.

You don't appear to consider this at all. Is it greed on your part as another poster suggested?

HowcanIhelp123 · 09/02/2023 15:53

I don't get why people are calling OP for this. If she hands him the half of the £35K she is legally entitled to, she has willingly deprived herself of almost £20K. If she then applies for government assistance for being a low earner, she has willingly deprived herself of assets and it could be seen as benefit fraud! While you may say its morally his parents money, in the eyes of the government it's no different to turning down inheritance to stop your benefits being reduced.

Her deadbeat ex isn't her concern anymore, housing their child and feeding the pair of them is.

unsync · 09/02/2023 15:53

Get your CMS claim in. You can't reason with an abuser, they want to be in control. He believes not paying is a continuing way of controlling you.

RandomMess · 09/02/2023 15:53

Certainly ring up and put in for a CMS claim today.

Speak to the mortgage lender and ask if you can take a payment holiday.

Be careful if you want to buy another property as what happens now my prevent you from taking on another mortgage.

MelchiorsMistress · 09/02/2023 15:54

Don’t be granny and just give back the money that his parents put it. People aren’t supposed to profit from the in laws when getting married. Morally you are entitled to half of what was earned while you were married, not what his parents would have given him no matter who he married.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/02/2023 15:55

Go via cms for child maint.

Tell him you'll give him the 35k back and then split the remaining 50/50. It might not be what he would do, but you're not him and morally it's the right thing to do. That 35k has enabled you both to get on the property ladder and either buy a more expensive house or have a smaller mortgage. Either way you've benefitted from his parents 'gift'.

You could hang out for 50% of the whole amount, but chances are the ankle will foreclose on the house, force a sale and after costs you'll get 50%, but it'll be less than market rate and your credit rating is fucked

UneFoisAuChalet · 09/02/2023 15:58

OP wants rid of him yet won’t give him what he wants to ensure she is rid of him 🤷‍♀️ The 35k from his parents might be the sole reason OP was able to purchase the house in the first place.

Sell the house, splits the proceeds 50/50 minus the 35k and claim CMS. Move on.

Viviennemary · 09/02/2023 15:59

Legally you are both responsible for paying the mortgage so neither of you should be opting out. I think the £35k should be returned to his parents.

corcaithecat · 09/02/2023 16:01

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What a Fucking Ridiculous statement! 🤦🏻‍♀️
I can only assume you don't have grandchildren?

I'm a MIL and if either of my adult sons behaved like shits towards their partners and children, I'd be making it very clear how much of a disappointment they were.

It's men like the OP's ex who are arseholes and not willing to properly support the children they jointly produced, that is the bigger problem that needs addressing.

The OP needs to hold onto as much money as possible because it's clear that her ex is a nasty tosser who is only interested in himself and his child a poor second.

Collaborate · 09/02/2023 16:01

If his income exceeds £156k gross then you can get a top up child maintenance order from the court.

You have a solcitor. Take their advice and don't try and second guess them by posting the same questions on a public message board where as you've seen there are no shortage of posters who revel in seeking out ways to criticise you.