Are university age children really not considered???

[neverfunny]

My husband and I are in the early stages of divorce and although I had read this in several places, I really am stunned that his solicitor has told him that our two children who will be at uni next year will not be given any consideration in terms of agreeing accommodation. Does anyone have experience of this? Do courts not realise that they need to come home in holidays etc? I just feel desperate because he is now trying to force me into a 2 bed property when I have three teen children?

They are adults and legally they support themselves. Not saying it's right but that's the way it is.

When you are 18 you are considered an adult and so are suppose to fend for yourself.

If you know people who have been in care, so had a state for their parent, you would understand and know this.

University students are in an odd situation. They are adults but it is expected that their parents support them until they graduate from their undergraduate degrees. This means it is tough for students who don't have parents or parents aren't around for a variety of reasons as they have to fend for themselves during holidays.

It is a common trick for men who want a divorce to wait if there children are 15+ until they are 18 to initiate one. So if you wait until your youngest is 18 he will turn around and say that you only need a one bed property, and legally be right.

The more important question - is he going to house your university aged children when you divorce in holidays and/or after they graduate?

By university aged children, you mean adults?

It seems harsh but if you don't draw the line at legal adulthood, where do you?

Utterly ridiculous that the government expect parents to support uni students financially (loans are different depending on parental income), and housing benefit differs for under 25s, but when it comes to divorce “18 and they’re on their own”. Where’s the consistency?!

Yes legally they are adults, morally he is a dick.

I suppose the consistency is in finding a way to make paying for them someone else's problem. The gov make it the parents' problem. The divorcing spouse makes it the other parent's problem.

You need to find yourself a good solicitor nad stop listening to a man who is clearly out to take as much as he can.

What assets does the marriage have? You are entitled to at least 50% including all pensions in this. If you are housing 1 under 18 then you will likely get a bit bigger share and you could seek a mesher order until they have reached 21 so have finished uni especially if the older 2 are doing courses where they return home for 40% of the year. This might not be successful if it means he cannot house himself however and will mean you will need to pay all bills Inc mortgage in that time.

He is clearly being a dick and is sending awful messages to his kids - that he is happy for them to be homeless because they are over 18.

Make sure he fills in a Form E and declares EVERYTHING!

By university aged children, you mean adults?

Yes in the majority of cases.

However I know some people who went to university at 17.

Point still stands if the OP can't house them is their father willing to? If not are there any other relations or even close family friends who can? While the OP can ask the children's father it is really up to the teen children to find out and sort it out themselves then inform the OP.

Oh and make sure the financial order sets out who pays the parental top ups for the two current uni kids AND the third child should they choose to go too.

that he is happy for them to be homeless because they are over 18

I fully agree that he is being a dick, but they don't have to be homeless if they don't have a room at 'home'. I never went home for the holidays in uni - I went straight from uni halls into a succession of private student rental shared houses, all the contracts were 12months, those houses were my home. I popped 'home home' to visit my parents but I didn't live there.

I know Oxbridge is different, but most university towns/cities will have the same set up available.

@LittleOwl153 my own dad and a few other fathers I know allowed (and allow) their young adult children to live with them.

So until the OP confirms that this isn't going to happen you can't call her husband a dick.

@SirSamVimesCityWatch I have younger relations who did that but when they graduated they moved back to their home city simply because it had more job opportunties and due to the price of accommodation needed to live with their parent(s).

Your choice of language op 'force them out of our home' is emotive.

It depends how much money is in the pot doesn't it?

Of course you don't get to continue to live in a big house if it means he is in a cardboard box.

This!

So why is it automatically assumed that these young adults will live with OP? They could live 2 with the ExH and one with OP. They don't have to all be together.

But then we push it back even further, don't we? They'd be early twenties, working, graduates at this stage - it surely is wholly unreasonable for the father to be ordered by the court to pay towards the housing costs of his ex-wife so that the 22, 23, 24 year old offspring of the marriage can continue to live in what was the family house?

This may affect how much maintenance loan/finance your DCs can obtain next university term.
I'm not sure if it is still based on joint parental income after divorce or just the income of the parent they live with. It's worth checking as the rules are subject to change.
Currently the maintenance loan ranges from about £4 ish, up to about £10k ish... so if you are only eligible for the minimum loan £4k approx, the parent contribution expected is about £6k for next year. The government has been cautious about how they phrase this and don't say outright it is the expected parental contribution, but effectively it is as in most cases the minimum loan only just covers accomodation, but not bills/books, food etc.
Gov.uk has all the figures if you want to check.

Totally depends on what the overall amount of money you are dividing up is.

It is clearly unfair if you end up in a one bedroom flat and he keeps a five bedroom family home, on the grounds that you don’t “need” anything else.

But if what he is actually proposing is that the family home is sold and you both get a two bedroom flat each, and the children may have to rotate which parent they go home to, then actually no I think that is fair enough. You in a family home by yourself and him in a single room in a shared house would be unfair on him.

I never went home for any length of time really once I went to Uni - student houses usually have rental contracts for 12 months so that was my home and I wanted to travel and see friends in hols not go to parental home. It seems harsh but tbh there has to be a cut off at adulthood somewhere, DB ex wanted him to pay full CMS child maintenance for their daughter until she was finished Uni and was raging when her own solicitor told her this was bonkers. He pays niece £200 a month directly to help with uni costs which her mum is supposed to match, not sure if she does or not. He should help support them at Uni.

Depends on the rest of the financial settlement/resources, I guess. If there’s only enough to house you both as two 2-bed households then that’s ‘fair’. If they’ll never stay with him, and he could raise a mortgage more easily than you, then maybe a split that means a three-bed for you is more doable. You’re unlikely to get a 4-bed with 2 adult children.

It all depends what assets there are to begin with.

@RedWingBoots this is what makes me feel he has not offered this... "I just feel desperate because he is now trying to force me into a 2 bed property when I have three teen children?"
I accept I may be wrong... (I may also be projecting from being the 'child' in that situation 20+ years ago).

The husband has no right to dictate OPs future accomodation and her OP reads like he as "spoken to a solicitor" and has decided to "give away" as little as possible hoping that OP will accept that so I'm concerned OP isn't getting her own advice.

How can he dictate what you need? Surely the court would just divide the assets and not particularly think about what sort of house it might buy.

@SirSamVimesCityWatch · you missed my post where I pointed out the OP can ask but then its up to the teens to ask and sort it out themselves then tell her.

Of course no court is going to make either of them house adults. However if they are on the cusp of adulthood, so legal independence, then they need to talk to their parents e.g. OP and her stbEx about where they are going to live. It isn't a given as a teen that you will stay living with your mother throughout your teenage years. I am related to people and know people who have lived with fathers, other relations and family friends as teens and/or young adults.

Thank you to those who have posted constructive replies.

Of course I am fully aware that aged 18 they are legally adults.

But it feels like a very unfair system that young adults, who are going into debt to be able to study at university, then are also expected to support themselves during extended holidays and potentially not have a home to return to?

Really I was hoping that someone may come along and say well yes in theory, but in practice that is not the case.

This is early days and I was hoping to agree that DH could keep the family home until youngest leaves school. But his solicitor (and he may be telling me this to scare me) has said that I only need a two bed home in order for shared care of the youngest.

So nothing is decided or cut and dried, and nowhere have I said I expect to keep a four bed house while he lives in a cardboard box. My question was really, in reality is a court likely to rule that both of us only need two bed places and the older two have to fend for themselves?