Are university age children really not considered???

[neverfunny]

My husband and I are in the early stages of divorce and although I had read this in several places, I really am stunned that his solicitor has told him that our two children who will be at uni next year will not be given any consideration in terms of agreeing accommodation. Does anyone have experience of this? Do courts not realise that they need to come home in holidays etc? I just feel desperate because he is now trying to force me into a 2 bed property when I have three teen children?

Is that not all he'll need to then, so 50:50 split?!

I’m a bit baffled by some of these replies and the expectation that over 18s at uni should be financially supported. There has to be a cut off point somewhere. I supported myself through university and my DC did the same. I only got a 2 bedroom home after my divorce too. They had to share when they did come home for the summer but as others have pointed out most students have get flats on 12 month contracts and work where they study to supplement their loans during the summer. Having a room to come back to for an adult is a luxury after a divorce. Some of the posts are a bit hypocritical as well, MN is full of posts about men who have left the marriage when the DC were young and how awful they are for not waiting until they were adults. Now they are being criticised for leaving when they are adults! There’s also the fact that uni students generally get a larger grant after divorce because it’s based on household income.

@Feart the way the system is set up parents are expected to support their adult children until they are 25 regardless of whether they go to university or not. NMW is less if you are under 23 and you get less in benefits if you are under 25. Renting a room doesn't cost you less because you are 20 rather than 26, and you don't get a council tax discount for being a younger adult in work.

For university students the money they are loaned by the SLC depends on their parents or the main parent they live with income. Parents are expected by the government - though this is not made explicit - to help make up the short fall.

And while you may have supported yourself at university it is costing more and more to go thanks to the increase in accommodation costs. Also there are some courses where you can't work or will really struggle to work while study.

Regardless it is up to all the OP's children individually to sort out which parent they are going to live with, when and why as they are teens.

@RedWingBoots
I was also discussing the current situation, I have one DC who has just finished and one still studying. I was not in the financial position to supplement their loans so they had to work as well. Most of their friends were in the same situation as well. I am not on a low wage but both my DC received full loans/grants. I remember from reading the forms that only those with high household incomes were expected to contribute.

Where would a 50/50 split put you? Including things like pensions, cars, shares, equity, debt. Given DC are close to legally being adults this would probably be a reasonable aim. There's no reason in a long marriage with you earning less that you'd get less than 50%. If that leaves you able to house DC then it should work ok. He doesn't get to decide how many bedrooms you need, as in you can only get enough for a 2 bedroom place if the net assets are enough for more than 2 bedrooms each.

Interesting replies. But I wasn't really asking about splitting assets etc. I just feel so sad that with house prices/rental prices and the cost of living etc they are not considered by the court, that's all. I am expected by the government to top up their living expenses (and, yes, there is the expectation that parents will top-up - yes I know they will get jobs etc.), but on the flip side not expected to consider them as dependents. Just feels inconsistent.

I am fully aware of all the things they could do, and like many others I moved out at 18, funded myself through uni and never went home, but times were a bit different then.

We have already had our maintenance loans awarded before the divorce so we don't qualify for the increased amount and already submitted accommodation choices etc.

I do realise and appreciate they are adults and I do realise that things will have to differ from what was planned, but I just feel sad about it.

It's really shitty.

Right now though you are not in court, so it's entirely up to you and him what you agree.

Just push for as much money as you can

I think in some countries (eg Switzerland maybe?), they are regarded as dependents until they leave full-time education, which would be a bit more fair in your case. Sorry you're having a difficult time.

Something to consider is the actual time it takes to get a financial settlement if it goes to court. It took me two years and that was before the pandemic. I would imagine the backlog is now horrendous Could that be taken into consideration with your husband? ie any top ups for university are shared?

I know its not ideas but if you are restricted to a 2 bed home why can’t they share rooms, if its only going to be weekends and holidays.
My mum was in this situation years ago when she divorced, I shared a room with her

I think we will be able to agree in the end. Another PP said I was catastrophising which I think I probably am - i just had visions of a court seeing our financial order, which we have agreed upon, and then throwing it out because our wants are greater than our needs. At this point I don't think i am making any sense 😂

You keep on saying “I”: but it won’t be solely on your shoulders to provide them a home in the holidays and top up their student loans and that’s broadly the assumption during the asset split - that you will each take on some of it, not that you specifically need to have more assets because you want to be the one who houses them.

The best thing you can do is keep relationships as amicable as possible and get good communication between the two of you so that you hash out all this stuff and agree the best way to share housing and supporting young adults between you, if that’s what you both want to do.

Actually that's not all correct- if your financial circumstances have changed significantly, you can ask for a current year financial assessment to be completed. I've used it myself as a mature student when our circumstances changed.

Yes, thank you - I was reading up on it this morning and thinking that I may have to see if I can take it further,.

Is there a likelihood that you could carve out a pot of money for university support from the assets, just in case parental support from your dh is not forthcoming? A friend did this, four years worth of £x a month, held in an account, with her brother and brother in law as trustees

Just remember if you stall for a few years you come closer to the youngest being over 18 and out of school. Then your needs are even smaller.

Acceptance is your friend here. And in reality if there is a good pot of equity you aren’t getting shafted. You are just having to accept change and difference which is what divorce is all about.

@neverfunny
Definitely contact student finance. My DC were both in 6th form when my divorce was finalised so the financial information was taken based on the new household income. They both got around £9K made up of differing amounts of grants and loans but that was more to do with the amounts changing between their start years.

thank you I will look into it.

Please don’t agree any settlement without legal advice - he is out to shaft you. You don’t need to go to court if you don’t want to but please at least get some advice on what you’re entitled to. Don’t let him control everything. You need your own lawyer. For a few grand in legal fees you could end up tens of thousands better off.

I had this situation going through my divorce....
Yes, legally they are adults, however if you have an sympathetic Judge they may be taken in to consideration.
I ended up going through several Financial Remedy hearings and I would say four out of five were sympathetic to the situation facing young adults today.

I don't understand everyone saying that 18 year old are legal adults and should not be financially dependent on their parents.

When young people have equal entitlement to the national minimum wage assume to benefits, and when they are able to access student finance and maintenance loans without reference to parental income, then perhaps it's reasonable to expect them to be independent, but until that time, I think there should be a legal obligation on both parents to provide the necessary financial support.