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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Are university age children really not considered???

96 replies

neverfunny · 15/06/2022 11:44

My husband and I are in the early stages of divorce and although I had read this in several places, I really am stunned that his solicitor has told him that our two children who will be at uni next year will not be given any consideration in terms of agreeing accommodation. Does anyone have experience of this? Do courts not realise that they need to come home in holidays etc? I just feel desperate because he is now trying to force me into a 2 bed property when I have three teen children?

OP posts:
SirSamVimesCityWatch · 15/06/2022 12:51

@RedWingBoots apologies, I did miss that. I completely agree with you - this is something that needs to be discussed by the teens/ young adults with both parents.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 12:53

CRbear · 15/06/2022 11:59

Utterly ridiculous that the government expect parents to support uni students financially (loans are different depending on parental income), and housing benefit differs for under 25s, but when it comes to divorce “18 and they’re on their own”. Where’s the consistency?!

Yes, thank you. This is my point.

OP posts:
Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 12:54

arethereanyleftatall · 15/06/2022 12:19

Your choice of language op 'force them out of our home' is emotive.

It depends how much money is in the pot doesn't it?

Of course you don't get to continue to live in a big house if it means he is in a cardboard box.

I did not state "force them out of their home".

OP posts:
Jujy · 15/06/2022 12:56

neverfunny · 15/06/2022 12:50

Thank you to those who have posted constructive replies.

Of course I am fully aware that aged 18 they are legally adults.

But it feels like a very unfair system that young adults, who are going into debt to be able to study at university, then are also expected to support themselves during extended holidays and potentially not have a home to return to?

Really I was hoping that someone may come along and say well yes in theory, but in practice that is not the case.

This is early days and I was hoping to agree that DH could keep the family home until youngest leaves school. But his solicitor (and he may be telling me this to scare me) has said that I only need a two bed home in order for shared care of the youngest.

So nothing is decided or cut and dried, and nowhere have I said I expect to keep a four bed house while he lives in a cardboard box. My question was really, in reality is a court likely to rule that both of us only need two bed places and the older two have to fend for themselves?

Well they don't have to fend for themselves. Two stay with one of you, one stays with the other?

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:00

Jujy · 15/06/2022 12:56

Well they don't have to fend for themselves. Two stay with one of you, one stays with the other?

Show quote history

Thank you. Again, I was hoping someone could help me with real life examples of their experience. I am aware that there are many possibilities of what we can do.

Do courts happily split children/siblings up?
Do courts happily disregard young adult students?

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 15/06/2022 13:03

@LittleOwl153 in extremely stressful situation like divorce what is said and how it is interpreted by the various parties differs.

The OP hasn't provided any detail accept she is shocked that she isn't entitled to a larger property now 2 of her children are nearly adults.

In addition I had a father plus have other relations, friends and acquaintances who put up their own children, young relations and their children's friends for a few years. (I currently know people doing this now.)

Sorry your parents, like a few other people I know and met, parents were shitty towards you.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/06/2022 13:05

Once again op, it depends what your assets are.

You haven't said, hence the comments about the cardboard box, we're not mind readers.

Do you have enough money between you to buy 2 houses both with the bedrooms you want?

NotKevinTurvey · 15/06/2022 13:06

neverfunny · 15/06/2022 11:44

My husband and I are in the early stages of divorce and although I had read this in several places, I really am stunned that his solicitor has told him that our two children who will be at uni next year will not be given any consideration in terms of agreeing accommodation. Does anyone have experience of this? Do courts not realise that they need to come home in holidays etc? I just feel desperate because he is now trying to force me into a 2 bed property when I have three teen children?

He doesn’t get to tell you what you buy after the assets are split, so he can’t force you into a house that you don’t want. If you want a three bedroom home it’s your decision.

givethatWolfAbanana · 15/06/2022 13:12

I don't know why you think he can force you into a 2 bed? You can choose a bigger place

He can't decide where you live, post divorce

Have you got a lawyer?!

noirchatsdeux · 15/06/2022 13:15

Yep and it's why my father waited until myself and my two brothers were all over 18 before he left my mother. Exactly 6 months after my younger brother turned 18 he was out.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:17

noirchatsdeux · 15/06/2022 13:15

Yep and it's why my father waited until myself and my two brothers were all over 18 before he left my mother. Exactly 6 months after my younger brother turned 18 he was out.

😥

OP posts:
Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:18

givethatWolfAbanana · 15/06/2022 13:12

I don't know why you think he can force you into a 2 bed? You can choose a bigger place

He can't decide where you live, post divorce

Have you got a lawyer?!

No, I get that. I suppose what I mean is, that he's saying i only need a 2 bed place because the older two are irrelevant.

OP posts:
GremlinDolphin4 · 15/06/2022 13:30

I’m afraid I totally get what you are saying Op.

My ex was categorical that he wasn’t contributing anything more for them once 18 despite the fact that the expectation (family) was always that they would go to university. My eldest said she would rather work to get herself though Uni than accept money from him and I am hoping he might contribute directly to the youngest.

Just concentrate on the split of money you need without letting it get down to him dictating the size of house you can buy. My ex kept sending my solicitor details of one bedroom flats he thought were suitable to me, 2dcs, dog etc etc!

All positive thoughts to you.

unsync · 15/06/2022 13:33

neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:18

No, I get that. I suppose what I mean is, that he's saying i only need a 2 bed place because the older two are irrelevant.

Show quote history

One of the many benefits of getting a divorce is that you don't have listen to their BS any more. It doesn't matter what he says, work out what you need and what you have to do to get it. Stop giving him control over your life.

ConfusedNoMore · 15/06/2022 13:35

I specifically remember having to provide details of suitable accommodation in my divorce. I think because exh was the petitioner and I was the respondent, he was the one including the properties..but I could be wrong. So it does feel like they're saying this is what you can have. But it's just part of the game.

Hope you have a good solicitor. Divorce sucks Flowers

NoSquirrels · 15/06/2022 13:37

The court will rule depending on the assets, not depending on the adult children. You’re sort of thinking backwards. What assets are there? What can they buy in terms of housing for two households? What’s your earning potential and what is his?

These are the things that a court will look at.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:38

GremlinDolphin4 · 15/06/2022 13:30

I’m afraid I totally get what you are saying Op.

My ex was categorical that he wasn’t contributing anything more for them once 18 despite the fact that the expectation (family) was always that they would go to university. My eldest said she would rather work to get herself though Uni than accept money from him and I am hoping he might contribute directly to the youngest.

Just concentrate on the split of money you need without letting it get down to him dictating the size of house you can buy. My ex kept sending my solicitor details of one bedroom flats he thought were suitable to me, 2dcs, dog etc etc!

All positive thoughts to you.

Thank you. You're right. I am just so sad it feels very unfair. This isn't what I wanted for my children.

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 15/06/2022 13:38

My father also refused to pay for any of us to go to university, citing the fact that once we were 18 we were adults and were expected to financially support ourselves. He earned too much for us to be eligible to any government support - this was back in the late 80s, so before student loans - so I worked from leaving school at 16 and first went to university when I was 25.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:38

unsync · 15/06/2022 13:33

One of the many benefits of getting a divorce is that you don't have listen to their BS any more. It doesn't matter what he says, work out what you need and what you have to do to get it. Stop giving him control over your life.

Show quote history

Yep you're right too.

OP posts:
noirchatsdeux · 15/06/2022 13:39

*he expected us to financially support ourselves.

RedWingBoots · 15/06/2022 13:39

No, I get that. I suppose what I mean is, that he's saying i only need a 2 bed place because the older two are irrelevant.

He's telling you the truth. If you are the one to house your youngest child then the division of assets should be so that you can afford at least a two bed.

It doesn't mean you have to buy a two bed as if between you are much richer then you can buy a 7 bedroom house.

Whether either of you support your university aged children, who will be likely be adults, is up to you post divorce once your assets are divided up. (I went to university with a handful of people who were 17. And no they weren't all Scottish.)

Also bear in mind that your teen child who his under 18 can choose not to live with you and move in with him during the divorce process.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:39

noirchatsdeux · 15/06/2022 13:38

My father also refused to pay for any of us to go to university, citing the fact that once we were 18 we were adults and were expected to financially support ourselves. He earned too much for us to be eligible to any government support - this was back in the late 80s, so before student loans - so I worked from leaving school at 16 and first went to university when I was 25.

That's awful. My dad did the same and I funded myself. I just don't understand the system these days, seems so unfair.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 15/06/2022 13:40

It’s highly probable that over 18s are not included in housing needs yes even while at uni
The reality that during a divorce there’s not enough money to go round
so people have to cut back, downsize and things change vs what would have happened had you been together because that’s no longer reality which includes adult children becoming g more independent

RedWingBoots · 15/06/2022 13:43

@noirchatsdeux To put it politely some people including those who are your closest relations aren't nice people.

Original poster
neverfunny · 15/06/2022 13:44

RedWingBoots · 15/06/2022 13:39

No, I get that. I suppose what I mean is, that he's saying i only need a 2 bed place because the older two are irrelevant.

He's telling you the truth. If you are the one to house your youngest child then the division of assets should be so that you can afford at least a two bed.

It doesn't mean you have to buy a two bed as if between you are much richer then you can buy a 7 bedroom house.

Whether either of you support your university aged children, who will be likely be adults, is up to you post divorce once your assets are divided up. (I went to university with a handful of people who were 17. And no they weren't all Scottish.)

Also bear in mind that your teen child who his under 18 can choose not to live with you and move in with him during the divorce process.

Yep - we have yet to ask our youngest but we hope to have shared custody.

I understand that I may be able to buy more etc when the assets are divided, and that's long winded and complicated.

OP posts:
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