This is going to be long as I will try and set out all of the relevant information needed to discuss 'fairness'.
Getting divorced. I have applied myself paying the full £593 as he refused to pay half. Using the new no fault process that came in in April so have not needed to state 'reasons'.
Met 2014, started cohabiting 2017 with myself and my ds from a previous relationship moving into his house that he had bought with a mortgage himself in his sole name. Ds is now 11. I have no other DC. He has no DC at all. We share no children.
Married 2018.
Split up boxing day 2020 with myself and Ds then moving out to a rented flat in early 2021. Been here ever since.
Me.
- Work full time earning 26k. Secure employment. Get a little bit of UC of £400 and my rent is £850. Receive a small amount of CM from Ds dad per month. £82 child benefit
My only asset of over £500 is a car worth £3500 and I have £900 in savings (it was £600 more than this but had to use it for the court application fee)
Earning potential is top 40k in realistic terms but it will take me another 7 years to reach that, so I'd be 42 by then. I will always be full time.
I have little pension as between 2011 and 2020 I worked part time at this point so only have two years of full time pension contributions to speak of.
If I am to buy a house I'd need a 25 yr mortgage so need to do it this year.
When I started cohabiting with him in 2017 I had a pot of £16k that I was planning to use as my own deposit. At this exact time I was viewing 2 bed terraces and had mortgage in principles enabling me to buy one of these houses alone at the time. This would have covered a 10% deposit and all fees AT THE TIME. where we live has risen hugely in the last 7 years and the same houses are at least 100k more now.
This 16k got spent on joint expenses, our wedding, honeymoon and house improvements during the time we lived together.
Him
Nearly 50 years old.
Earns £45k rising a small amount each year and this raise is performance based. Secure employment. Has a small bonus each year but not guaranteed. Should he lose this job he would easily get another at a similar level (managerial - private sector)
House which would sell quickly for 310k in its current state, of this £260k would be retained after clearing the 40k mortgage left. There may be a few thousand early exit mortgage fee as it was fixed until 2025. No other properties.
He has between 10-20k in shares / share save investments stocks but I am unsure of exact amounts or where
D
Has a very large pension. Not sure exactly what the pot is worth but it would be a comfortable retirement if he continues to work full time for 10 more years at least until age 60. More if works later on in life.
Based on my finances, I can get a mortgage of about £104k. The very cheapest 2 bed property I could get within 5 miles of Ds school would be 240k.
I am thinking of proposing a request for a lump sum of £130k which equates to 50% of the house equity and then if I saved myself for a bit longer the remaining 6k and then a few more thousand to cover moving costs and fees etc, I SHOULD be able to get on the property ladder before my 36th bday. It would be really tight but just about doable. Of course this is at today's prices though so doesn't account for any big rises.
This would leave him with the other £130k to buy his own 2 bed place or of course he could stay in the current place and remortgage in order to release equity to me to use as a down payment. He is not tied to any particular area of our city as much as I am. He has no dependents or outgoings.
I do not intend to ask for any share of his pension as he is older than me, I have an extra 15 years to pay into mine than him to build it up. I also do not want any of the shares etc. The only thing I need is the ability to buy a house for myself and ds to live in to get away from precarious and expensive renting and to secure our future.
What do you think?
Am I being too 'grabby'? Hate that word. unrealistic as a short marriage? Too lenient as it should start at 50/50 as I have a child to house and he doesn't?
Obviously as you'll see from me stating my income I don't have money for expensive solicitors etc. I am hoping we can sort out an agreement in mediation.
Really appreciate anyone's thoughts on navigating this and setting it out as my life is just so unaffordable paying this huge rent each month not to mention rising costs of everything and knowing I could be asked to leave at any time.