Critique my divorce financial order request

[Audioslaw]

This is going to be long as I will try and set out all of the relevant information needed to discuss 'fairness'.

Getting divorced. I have applied myself paying the full £593 as he refused to pay half. Using the new no fault process that came in in April so have not needed to state 'reasons'.

Met 2014, started cohabiting 2017 with myself and my ds from a previous relationship moving into his house that he had bought with a mortgage himself in his sole name. Ds is now 11. I have no other DC. He has no DC at all. We share no children.

Married 2018.

Split up boxing day 2020 with myself and Ds then moving out to a rented flat in early 2021. Been here ever since.

Me.

35. Work full time earning 26k. Secure employment. Get a little bit of UC of £400 and my rent is £850. Receive a small amount of CM from Ds dad per month. £82 child benefit

My only asset of over £500 is a car worth £3500 and I have £900 in savings (it was £600 more than this but had to use it for the court application fee)

Earning potential is top 40k in realistic terms but it will take me another 7 years to reach that, so I'd be 42 by then. I will always be full time.

I have little pension as between 2011 and 2020 I worked part time at this point so only have two years of full time pension contributions to speak of.

If I am to buy a house I'd need a 25 yr mortgage so need to do it this year.

When I started cohabiting with him in 2017 I had a pot of £16k that I was planning to use as my own deposit. At this exact time I was viewing 2 bed terraces and had mortgage in principles enabling me to buy one of these houses alone at the time. This would have covered a 10% deposit and all fees AT THE TIME. where we live has risen hugely in the last 7 years and the same houses are at least 100k more now.

This 16k got spent on joint expenses, our wedding, honeymoon and house improvements during the time we lived together.

Him

Nearly 50 years old.

Earns £45k rising a small amount each year and this raise is performance based. Secure employment. Has a small bonus each year but not guaranteed. Should he lose this job he would easily get another at a similar level (managerial - private sector)

House which would sell quickly for 310k in its current state, of this £260k would be retained after clearing the 40k mortgage left. There may be a few thousand early exit mortgage fee as it was fixed until 2025. No other properties.

He has between 10-20k in shares / share save investments stocks but I am unsure of exact amounts or where
D
Has a very large pension. Not sure exactly what the pot is worth but it would be a comfortable retirement if he continues to work full time for 10 more years at least until age 60. More if works later on in life.

Based on my finances, I can get a mortgage of about £104k. The very cheapest 2 bed property I could get within 5 miles of Ds school would be 240k.

I am thinking of proposing a request for a lump sum of £130k which equates to 50% of the house equity and then if I saved myself for a bit longer the remaining 6k and then a few more thousand to cover moving costs and fees etc, I SHOULD be able to get on the property ladder before my 36th bday. It would be really tight but just about doable. Of course this is at today's prices though so doesn't account for any big rises.

This would leave him with the other £130k to buy his own 2 bed place or of course he could stay in the current place and remortgage in order to release equity to me to use as a down payment. He is not tied to any particular area of our city as much as I am. He has no dependents or outgoings.

I do not intend to ask for any share of his pension as he is older than me, I have an extra 15 years to pay into mine than him to build it up. I also do not want any of the shares etc. The only thing I need is the ability to buy a house for myself and ds to live in to get away from precarious and expensive renting and to secure our future.

What do you think?

Am I being too 'grabby'? Hate that word. unrealistic as a short marriage? Too lenient as it should start at 50/50 as I have a child to house and he doesn't?

Obviously as you'll see from me stating my income I don't have money for expensive solicitors etc. I am hoping we can sort out an agreement in mediation.

Really appreciate anyone's thoughts on navigating this and setting it out as my life is just so unaffordable paying this huge rent each month not to mention rising costs of everything and knowing I could be asked to leave at any time.

Moved in in 2017, relationship ended Boxing Day 2020, moved out early 2021. At best case it was 4 years co-habitation. That's short by legal standards.

Honestly not his kid, you’ve probably benefited from shared living costs in that time so should of been able to save.

99% of posters (if not all) are telling you that you’re being grabby. But it’s not the answer you want so you’re still trying to argue against it.

Short marriage
no joint dependents
no career sacrifice that enabled him to better his career or harm yours
you Are seriously taking the mik

not a lawyer and you should seek legal advice but I truly hope they tell you you are not entitled to that much !

I'm not arguing against it at all I wanted to get people's opinions because I haven't done this before and I am trying to put this all together with information from the internet so far. So it has been useful. I'm not arguing against it I'm taking it all on board

They are still married, and will continue to be married until the absolute is signed.

I really think you need to get legal advice. I know you say you can’t afford it but even an initial meeting, which you would pay a max of £200 for would make a difference.

I earn a similar amount to you and going through divorce but wouldn’t have considered doing it without a lawyer due to the discrepancy between mine and my ex’s salaries and therefore potential borrowing capacities. My solicitor bills me monthly so it’s more manageable than one huge bill.

Sorry OP, what you're asking for is unrealistic. You were only married for 2 years and have no children together. You will be looking at a clean break, you leave with what you came ino the marriage with. I think your initial £16,000 back is fair plus half of the divorce costs. He doesn't need to pay to house you and your child.

Ok thank you for explaining it to me. I'll book a solicitor appt, now to sell some stuff to get a couple of hundred to pay for it

I'm the only one here then who thinks your proposal is reasonable. What does your ex propose?

You absolutely need a pension valuation

I haven't done it before but can see that what you're asking is grossly unfair. Whether or not a court would grant it to you I don't know though

Re. pension, it's not as straight forward as 50/50 when he was paying into it for many years before you got married, especially in a short marriage. You had the opportunity to save for retirement in the years before you married but circumstance related choices mean you didn't put much into a pension fund.

You have to pay for mediation as well. See a lawyer first and then see what your soon to be ex is offering.

What I mean is you probably aren't entitled to a share of anything accrued in his pension prior to your marriage.

It seems to me that you could reasonably ask for your 16k. That's it. Beyond this you are just being grabby.
Your earning potential or lack thereof, is your responsibility and it's his home. Same with your pension. And he does not have financial responsibility for a child that is not his. This was my case.
Don't be grabby it'll just end in a shit show. Ask for your moral entitlement, not a crazy amount just because you feel you are owed it.

Assuming you're NHS you'll also have a decent pension pot, although I'm struggling to see how you are planning your career progression from £26 (lower band 5?) to £40k (upper band 6). If you're working on the 50/50 entitlement angle so you're eligible to get half the house he already bought and was paying for, then he'll be entitled to half of your £16k and half your pension too. It works both ways, so please take proper advice or you could end up losing more than you'll gain.

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea I’m afraid you are misinformed. Marriage counts from cohabitation till separation. They haven’t lived together since early 2021 which makes it a short marriage in legal terms. Being technically married doesn’t affect that.

Then stop being grabby. He’s been there for the two of you, you’ve got bored and want to move on, don’t try to rinse him.

So what?

This is reminiscent now of another recent post with a lady wanting 70% of everything, as she didn’t want to work for much longer.

This a needs based case, the relationship has now generated a need for housing for both parties. As OP has stated if it were not for the marriage both parties would be living in their own homes. In a needs based case all assets available are considered. The OP should not be the only party penalised for the decisions made in the relationship. The house was only purchased 2 year prior to the relationship, its quite unfair that only one party benefits from its increase in value when both have contributed to the mortgage and maintenance of it until the date of separation.

It isn't relevant as the law has changed for it to be a NO FAULT application which is what I've gone for but those posters making out I'm trying to rinse this great man just know that there was a whole host of horrendous, unreasonable and despicable behaviour that led to me leaving him. It's not as if I've just married someone and got bored 😯

Seeing as that is irrelevant to the financial side I don't need to detail it but he's no hero believe me.

You’re right, it’s not relevant to the settlement. As others have said, aim for £20k, feel lucky if you get that, and do try to pick better the third time. You have a child, you can’t keep shuttling between men forever.

Shuttling between men. Slightly rude. I didn't exactly think it would be temporary. Wow

OP please ignore the nasty misogynistic creatures on this thread, the last one is particularly pathetic. Your ex has been in your child's life for as long as your child can remember, your child's needs and their housing security will be considered in court. You putting that in the forefront of your mind makes you a great mother.

If it’s needs based won’t the fact that he is 50 and she’s only 35 tip the scales back again, and balance out her need to house her son?

YABVU! You have no children with him, were married a very short time and didn’t contribute to his mortgage on his house.