Critique my divorce financial order request

[Audioslaw]

This is going to be long as I will try and set out all of the relevant information needed to discuss 'fairness'.

Getting divorced. I have applied myself paying the full £593 as he refused to pay half. Using the new no fault process that came in in April so have not needed to state 'reasons'.

Met 2014, started cohabiting 2017 with myself and my ds from a previous relationship moving into his house that he had bought with a mortgage himself in his sole name. Ds is now 11. I have no other DC. He has no DC at all. We share no children.

Married 2018.

Split up boxing day 2020 with myself and Ds then moving out to a rented flat in early 2021. Been here ever since.

Me.

35. Work full time earning 26k. Secure employment. Get a little bit of UC of £400 and my rent is £850. Receive a small amount of CM from Ds dad per month. £82 child benefit

My only asset of over £500 is a car worth £3500 and I have £900 in savings (it was £600 more than this but had to use it for the court application fee)

Earning potential is top 40k in realistic terms but it will take me another 7 years to reach that, so I'd be 42 by then. I will always be full time.

I have little pension as between 2011 and 2020 I worked part time at this point so only have two years of full time pension contributions to speak of.

If I am to buy a house I'd need a 25 yr mortgage so need to do it this year.

When I started cohabiting with him in 2017 I had a pot of £16k that I was planning to use as my own deposit. At this exact time I was viewing 2 bed terraces and had mortgage in principles enabling me to buy one of these houses alone at the time. This would have covered a 10% deposit and all fees AT THE TIME. where we live has risen hugely in the last 7 years and the same houses are at least 100k more now.

This 16k got spent on joint expenses, our wedding, honeymoon and house improvements during the time we lived together.

Him

Nearly 50 years old.

Earns £45k rising a small amount each year and this raise is performance based. Secure employment. Has a small bonus each year but not guaranteed. Should he lose this job he would easily get another at a similar level (managerial - private sector)

House which would sell quickly for 310k in its current state, of this £260k would be retained after clearing the 40k mortgage left. There may be a few thousand early exit mortgage fee as it was fixed until 2025. No other properties.

He has between 10-20k in shares / share save investments stocks but I am unsure of exact amounts or where
D
Has a very large pension. Not sure exactly what the pot is worth but it would be a comfortable retirement if he continues to work full time for 10 more years at least until age 60. More if works later on in life.

Based on my finances, I can get a mortgage of about £104k. The very cheapest 2 bed property I could get within 5 miles of Ds school would be 240k.

I am thinking of proposing a request for a lump sum of £130k which equates to 50% of the house equity and then if I saved myself for a bit longer the remaining 6k and then a few more thousand to cover moving costs and fees etc, I SHOULD be able to get on the property ladder before my 36th bday. It would be really tight but just about doable. Of course this is at today's prices though so doesn't account for any big rises.

This would leave him with the other £130k to buy his own 2 bed place or of course he could stay in the current place and remortgage in order to release equity to me to use as a down payment. He is not tied to any particular area of our city as much as I am. He has no dependents or outgoings.

I do not intend to ask for any share of his pension as he is older than me, I have an extra 15 years to pay into mine than him to build it up. I also do not want any of the shares etc. The only thing I need is the ability to buy a house for myself and ds to live in to get away from precarious and expensive renting and to secure our future.

What do you think?

Am I being too 'grabby'? Hate that word. unrealistic as a short marriage? Too lenient as it should start at 50/50 as I have a child to house and he doesn't?

Obviously as you'll see from me stating my income I don't have money for expensive solicitors etc. I am hoping we can sort out an agreement in mediation.

Really appreciate anyone's thoughts on navigating this and setting it out as my life is just so unaffordable paying this huge rent each month not to mention rising costs of everything and knowing I could be asked to leave at any time.

I was paid from an employer part time during that time but I was also studying as well full time so my income was largely made up from a scholarship. So I didn't pay a pension on that, only pension contributions from part time salary.

2011 -2013 student loan and part time work

2013 - 2016 full time over two jobs, large childcare costs but got tax credits help. Got the scholarship at the end of this year

2017-2020 part time salary, some hourly rate work and income mainly made up from scholarship. In total added up to a bit more than I earn now from my full time salary

Yes I still would have left my husband. He's an alcoholic and a real arsehole. I wish we had never got married and then I would have any of this. My financial questions and initial maths was coming from being misinformed rather than greed. I'm not trying to fleece him, just trying to figure out how we all move on

It’s highly unlikely that your child will be considered a child of the marriage, with such a short marriage
its not your ex husband responsibility to provide fir him / it’s his fathers

the easiest way to move on his work out a realistic settlement ( which is not 50%!), take a lump sum and walk away.

if you fight for 50% it’s likely to end up in a long, protracted, contested, expensive battle

What js your husband suggesting ?

He's not suggested anything he's refusing to communicate

Hoping to have a mediation appt to discuss

I think you will find in this circumstance its everything in that was accumulated in the marriage....

Simple answer is not a chance. After an extremely short marriage, you're not entitled to half of an asset he brought into the marriage. You really need a lawyer, despite the cost of one as you have very unrealistic expectations and will waste much more money trying to go after that amount of equity. Spend a bit on a lawyer and get a realistic start point.

You were misinformed that you thought you could marry someone, be with them a very short time AND be entitled to half of everything they have ever accumulated?

I thought I'd come and update this. After everyone being completely incredulous that I'd had the audacity to ask about this, I saw two separate solicitors earlier in the year who both agreed the sharing principle does indeed apply in our situation.

STBXH continued to ignore all contact, ignored the divorce application to the point I had to pay for it to be served on him.

I attempted to communicate with him informally this was still ignored. I invited him to mediation and completed my MIAM back in June, but he still ignored everything refusing all Comms.

So I made a court application for a final order and the first hearing has just happened.

Judge v unimpressed that he refused mediation, no good reason at all. He has been very sternly told to get more house valuations and a full pension valuation (that will cost even more) immediately before the next hearing and been given a strict set of dates to stick to.

I just want it all done now, we have been separated for nearly two years. I think it is likely his solicitor will come back with a settlement offer before the next hearing now he knows that the court are taking it seriously.

Good for you OP, I'm pleased things have moved on.

I was one of the PP being very scathing earlier in the thread. I still don't think you'll get anywhere near 50:50 but I hope your ex's solicitor comes back with a decent offer that will get you a mortgage for a nice house for you and DS.

Thanks. So apparently the way that it works is pre marital assets are only able to be ringfenced once both parties are fairly and adequately housed. In our case with the huge disparity between our pots with his essentially being worth nearly £600k and mine £19k there isn't a good reason for us both not to be able to both get a house with a mortgage with what is available. Anything else after that he will likely keep.

I am able to obtain a mortgage of max £120k (although this offer will prob now be invalid with recent UK developments) but he can borrow double that on his income.

My priority is trying to get this sorted as quickly as possible rather than trying to get a high amount so really hoping for a quick offer from him. It is likely to be not far from the region I originally talked about though. Would likely get more if I pushed it on.

Congratulations. You must be pleased to shaft the poor bloke

hopefully a judge at final hearing will not be so generous

The poor bloke? You have no idea. Just following a legal process currently.

Why don't you just stand on your own two feet and support you and your son from your own hard work and strength. I don't understand why you would want to gloat about taking some bloke to court and taking money that clearly isn't yours. Come on OP set your child a good example!!

Interesting update. Where are you living at the moment?

I'm not gloating! I came back to update the thread to correct the misinformation about divorce settlements that had been put on previously. This is the divorce and separation board, where people come to research these things. So it isn't helpful if things are full of incorrect information for anyone reading it in future

Still living in rented the same as when I first posted. He's still in the matrimonial home

Please keep updating op. I am ittle surprised at your update tbh but I agree it might be useful for others. At least your example shows that it is really important to follow the proper process and get professional advice.

Judges always take a dim view whenever one of the parties refuse mediation but I would not read too much in to that.
Also the FDA is absolutely no indication of what the final outcome will be. If it goes as far as FH for each process you will get a different Judge. Just be warned that how how things go will be decided upon which side of the bed your Judge got out of bed in the morning and not what you think is fair.

Thanks Crimsonlake I have already been advised that. Hopefully won't have to get that far and we can sort it out soon

To be honest after a short marriage I cannot see things going your way and would be very concerned about mounting costs. I am also surprised any solicitor would advise you to pursue this through the courts unless they want your business. Each of you will bear your own costs and you are talking thousands here if it goes all the away.
I say this as someone who has self represented through several financial hearings and believe it or not two FH after a long marriage over a period of five years.

I actually am self representing. I have had advice before court. Everything else I've done myself. He is represented.
I may get a McKenzie for next hearing if we get that far but will cross that bridge.

In our case with the huge disparity between our pots with his essentially being worth nearly £600k and mine £19k there isn't a good reason for us both not to be able to both get a house with a mortgage with what is available. Anything else after that he will likely keep.

By “pot” here, are you talking about pension?

If so, are you sure that’s available funds that would be released to you?

What other choice would I have had at this point OTHER than to take it to court? He has refused every other option.
I want a clean break as soon as possible