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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

When is fair fair Pension vs House

131 replies

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 16:49

In the same predicament as half the country it seems DH has moved out married way too long and 2 grown up children who have fled the next and we are in the process of splitting up.

He is going for either 50/50 or me 60 him 40. The stumbling block is his pension.

Hes offered me the house (about £1m) and business t/o 250k a year in return for him getting a small cottage (about 360k and him keeping his DB pension about £630k).

Im saying I want half the pension the business and the house or I can’t afford the upkeep (which would be about 70/30 to me).

But has said that’s ok if he gets half the house?!!! (again 50/50 apart from the business) but that would mean me having to sell up which I don’t want to do.

In the end can/could the court force me to sell and does my offer seem reasonable my solicitor is hesitant and his solicitor is well not very cooperative…

OP posts:
Octomore · 23/05/2022 19:01

There is absolutely nothing stopping you from selling the house once the divorce is finalised, thereby (a) reducing your outgoings and (b) releasing a shit ton of equity for ýour retirement.

The court won't overlook this, and nor should they.

millymollymoomoo · 23/05/2022 19:01

Sell
the big house and buy a small one

Classicblunder · 23/05/2022 19:02

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:58

I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across as “grabby” but if he agrees to the small house his outgoings will be small and he has a pension guaranteed for life.

I have only a small pension and a house to keep up, the business will not go on forever so then I will have a house and no income to support it.

if I ask for half his pension and he insists on selling the big house then I won’t have a house at all whereas he will. This is what I see as most unfair

thank you for all your answers and sorry if I came across wrong

But you would have £500k to buy a house?

Octomore · 23/05/2022 19:03

Pretending that you won't have enough money to buy a home if you have to split the house just makes you sound silly tbh. You know it's not true, and so does everybody else.

user1477249785 · 23/05/2022 19:03

Yeah it's not unfair just because you don't get exactly what you want.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 23/05/2022 19:04

Oh we understood what you meant. And your explanation still includes him taking a small share leaving you with a house you cannot afford to run.

The obvious thing to do is to sell it and buy something you can afford to run, use some of the capital as pension/savings for the rest of your life.

You need to get your head around the reality. He is well within his rights to insist on 50:50, as a starting point, and no judge would award you a large house, all your own savings, half of his pension and whatever money the business has/generate.

Your ex has no reason to gift you the life you have now whilst living in a much smaller house on £20K a year for the rest of his life. Why on Earth would he do that?

How you cannot see that you are being daft is beyond me.

Seasidefuntime · 23/05/2022 19:04

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:14

He has said if I want half his pension he will want half the house which he knows I can’t afford, that’s the problem, which makes it so unfair.

What is unfair about that?

Octomore · 23/05/2022 19:04

But you would have £500k to buy a house?

If everything was split 50/50, she'd have half the value of the combined properties. So £665k - which is plenty (and a lot more than my house is worth).

titchy · 23/05/2022 19:07

Octomore · 23/05/2022 19:04

But you would have £500k to buy a house?

If everything was split 50/50, she'd have half the value of the combined properties. So £665k - which is plenty (and a lot more than my house is worth).

Yeah but OP doesn't want a mere £650k house. She wants a £1m house. That someone else maintains while she swans off to get her hair done care of his final salary pension.

ancientgran · 23/05/2022 19:08

Classicblunder · 23/05/2022 19:02

But you would have £500k to buy a house?

Show quote history

She'd also have half of the cottage, £180k, plus half of the savings £10k his and £80k hers so they'd get £45k each so she'd have £500k plus £180k plus £45k so £725k which I'm sure would buy her a house if he can get one for £360k.

That just leaves splitting the business and the pensions. So they'd need to get them valued.

Octomore · 23/05/2022 19:09

"I don't want to sell my house, I don't want to work to 67..."

Divorce settlements aren't about giving people what they want but about giving people what is fair based on their respective needs

I managed to learn when I was about 5 years old that 'I want doesn't get' - looks like you have some growing up to do OP.

Basilthymerosemary · 23/05/2022 19:09

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:58

I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across as “grabby” but if he agrees to the small house his outgoings will be small and he has a pension guaranteed for life.

I have only a small pension and a house to keep up, the business will not go on forever so then I will have a house and no income to support it.

if I ask for half his pension and he insists on selling the big house then I won’t have a house at all whereas he will. This is what I see as most unfair

thank you for all your answers and sorry if I came across wrong

How can you not see how unreasonable you're being? The kids have gone, so you don't need a £1million pound home which is very large for one person! So sell it and split profits- this means you can buy a smaller house which costs less to run. By all means keep the big house but then bloody work for it like everyone else does!!! You add to the already negative image of divorcee women being grabby and greedy! We need less people acting like you.

CheshireCat2021 · 23/05/2022 19:11

YABU - You also need to consider that a £1 in a pension is not the same as £1 in a house. The house is a liquid asset that can be sold and generate cash today. A pension is money in the future. You can offset one against the other but not to the same value. Your solicitor should tell you this and explain pension offsetting.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 23/05/2022 19:23

I feel sorry for your ex. You are being unfair

Bonheurdupasse · 23/05/2022 19:27

Why don't you take the 360k rather than the 1m House then...that would give you the lower outgoings. I'm sure then he'd be more than happy to give you half his pension...

fring · 23/05/2022 19:30

He has said if I want half his pension he will want half the house which he knows I can’t afford, that’s the problem, which makes it so unfair.

😆

fring · 23/05/2022 19:31

Why can't you afford the house on the profit the business generates?

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 23/05/2022 19:32

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:58

I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across as “grabby” but if he agrees to the small house his outgoings will be small and he has a pension guaranteed for life.

I have only a small pension and a house to keep up, the business will not go on forever so then I will have a house and no income to support it.

if I ask for half his pension and he insists on selling the big house then I won’t have a house at all whereas he will. This is what I see as most unfair

thank you for all your answers and sorry if I came across wrong

Jesus, where to begin with this…

You can’t expect to get both the big house and then the extra money to pay for upkeep too. If you sell the house (which I hope happens) then you use your share to buy a smaller house,.

TomatoorChips · 23/05/2022 19:42

Pension values are plummeting at the moment.

greatblueheron · 23/05/2022 19:54

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:14

He has said if I want half his pension he will want half the house which he knows I can’t afford, that’s the problem, which makes it so unfair.

Um .... that wouldn't be unfair.

I hope he has a good solicitor.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 23/05/2022 19:58

PaulaBawla · 23/05/2022 18:58

I’m sorry I don’t mean to come across as “grabby” but if he agrees to the small house his outgoings will be small and he has a pension guaranteed for life.

I have only a small pension and a house to keep up, the business will not go on forever so then I will have a house and no income to support it.

if I ask for half his pension and he insists on selling the big house then I won’t have a house at all whereas he will. This is what I see as most unfair

thank you for all your answers and sorry if I came across wrong

Well then sell the house and be more reasonable in your expectations. 'I want the big expensive house, so feel entitled to the majority of everything as a result because I need to pay for its upkeep' is a really shit argument, especially if you don't want to appear grabby.

Your husband is being more than reasonable. You aren't

OnaBegonia · 23/05/2022 20:02

Want and need are entirely different things.
A single person does not NEED a £1m house, with £80k in savings and whatever you've siphoned off in tax dodging should keep you and the house going.
And you are grabby, very grabby, you basically want to maintain an image and lifestyle at your DHs expense.
He'll go to court and he'll win.

Uncomplicated · 23/05/2022 20:03

It appears that you want the financial benefits of being married without the marriage. You may just have to accept that your lifestyle/ hopes for the future, will drastically change

Andromachehadabadday · 23/05/2022 20:09

‘I don’t want to work until I am 67’ made me laugh.

Trying telling that to the judge, as the justification for get most.

You out earn him. And are putting massive amounts into your pension. I think there’s a strong chance he will be given more of assets, tbh.

Andromachehadabadday · 23/05/2022 20:10

Also find it quite amusing you want everything in his name in the pot m. But think it’s unfair for anything if yours to go in the pot.