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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I don't want to pay CM anymore

85 replies

TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:07

Right, straight to the point. I don't want to pay CM anymore. I just think I'm being mugged off. Why am I putting up with this?

Currently use direct pay. No court orders or court arrangements. I'm dad. 2 children. Currently 11 and 13.

Split parenting is as follows and is over a 2 week schedule.

I do school pick up on Mondays and they stay overnight.
Drop off at school Tuesday morning.
Have 1 of the children also on a Tuesday night.
School pick up Friday.
Have them until Sat lunchtime
Same again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week.
And then have them all weekend and drop them at school on Monday.

Over 2 weeks that's 6 nights with me, 8 with mum. Plus the 1 night extra where 1 stays with me.
So 1 child is 7 nights with each parent.
Other child is with mum 1 extra night.

We both contribute equally for their clothes, shoes, coats, school bags, school equipment, school trips. This is all amicable and are both fair about it all. We both deal with doctor, dentists, hospital visits, school appointments etc..
Mum normally buys school uniform and school shoes.
Mum receives child benefit.

She is currently a SAHM. She has a partner who works.

I pay £400pm. Annual letter from CMS says this is based on 2 to 3 nights a week. I've rang them and said this is not correct but they basically said they don't believe me and the person who opened the case is the only 1 who can change it, I.e my ex.

I paid this for the last 6 years.

It just doesn't feel fair. What can I do about it?

Or am I missing the point of CM?

OP posts:
Santahasjoinedww · 28/01/2022 13:09

Contact your MP. Usually 50/50 there is no cms to pay. It sounds quite an equal split of dc...

BatteriesNotIncuded · 28/01/2022 13:17

Can MP's help with this sort of stuff?

It feels like unless their mum agrees to close the case with the CMS, I'll just have to keep paying. Or pay for an expensive solicitor to get involved. Which I can't afford!

PositiveLife · 28/01/2022 13:23

Is there any proof you can give of the amount of time they spend with you? Texts from ex, etc.

PositiveLife · 28/01/2022 13:24

Probably the easiest option is to file with the court for contact and ask them to just give what you currently have - then you'd have the court order as proof. My dp did this for about £150

LetsGoParty · 28/01/2022 13:26

I would t want to pay either!

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/01/2022 13:32

So Monday night - both with you
Tuesday night - one child with you one with ex
Weds - with ex
Thursday - with ex
Friday night - both with you
Sat night - both with ex
Sun night - both with ex

Per week that is one child with you 2 nights a week and 5 with ex, and the other 3 nights a week and 4 with ex. 7 nights per child is 14 nights for both. You have 5/14 nights.

Have I misunderstood?

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 13:35

What has your ex said? Have you asked her to change it?

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 13:37

Also, her partner works Ng is irrelevant. He isn't the parent and has no financial responsibility for your children.

Soontobe60 · 28/01/2022 13:38

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

So Monday night - both with you Tuesday night - one child with you one with ex Weds - with ex Thursday - with ex Friday night - both with you Sat night - both with ex Sun night - both with ex

Per week that is one child with you 2 nights a week and 5 with ex, and the other 3 nights a week and 4 with ex. 7 nights per child is 14 nights for both. You have 5/14 nights.

Have I misunderstood?

Yes - it’s a 2 week cycle. He has them overnight Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat on week 2.
beautifullymad · 28/01/2022 13:39

@PositiveLife

Probably the easiest option is to file with the court for contact and ask them to just give what you currently have - then you'd have the court order as proof. My dp did this for about £150
This.

Then you have proof to give CMS.

Don't ask your XW to confirm to CMS the days you are doing as she could withdraw access. I wouldn't be warning her.

Apply straight to the family court.

Soubriquet · 28/01/2022 13:43

Can you afford it?

If you can, I wouldn’t begrudge paying that for my own children.

If you can’t, that’s different

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/01/2022 13:44

@Soubriquet

Can you afford it?

If you can, I wouldn’t begrudge paying that for my own children.

If you can’t, that’s different

He's already supporting his children for his half of the time. Why should he subsidize his ex? If he had that money perhaps the children's lives when with him would be better.
Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 28/01/2022 13:48

Yes - it’s a 2 week cycle. He has them overnight Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat on week 2.

Still confused! OP said

Same again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week.

The 'same again' made me think that it was a one-week cycle, not two week especially as in both weeks he seems to have them Friday night? Looks like I have just got muddled with how it's explained though.

GoldenBlue · 28/01/2022 13:53

Can you clarify the pattern for the second week. How many nights do you have the children?

It reads that you have them

Wk1
Monday 2
Tuesday 1
Friday 2

Wk2
Tuesday
Wednesday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

Which doesn't add up to 6 nights + 1 extra for one child

If you both agree 1 child is staying 50:50 then that child shouldn't be part of the calculation for CM

Luredbyapomegranate · 28/01/2022 13:54

Go to the court to formalise 50/50 I guess, then you won’t have to pay it.

Get some legal advice that that’s the case, and then talk to your ex to avoid the time and expense of court, if she won’t - then court.

Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:54

@Soubriquet

Can you afford it?

If you can, I wouldn’t begrudge paying that for my own children.

If you can’t, that’s different

What do you mean "paying that for my own children"?

Why does anyone have to pay for their children?

I provide for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:55

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

So Monday night - both with you Tuesday night - one child with you one with ex Weds - with ex Thursday - with ex Friday night - both with you Sat night - both with ex Sun night - both with ex

Per week that is one child with you 2 nights a week and 5 with ex, and the other 3 nights a week and 4 with ex. 7 nights per child is 14 nights for both. You have 5/14 nights.

Have I misunderstood?

Yes, on alternate weekends I have them on Friday, Sat, and Sun nights
OP posts:
Inspectorslack · 28/01/2022 13:55

Her partner working is irrelevant.

Go to court.

Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:56

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee

Yes - it’s a 2 week cycle. He has them overnight Tue, Wed, Fri, Sat on week 2.

Still confused! OP said

Same again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week.

The 'same again' made me think that it was a one-week cycle, not two week especially as in both weeks he seems to have them Friday night? Looks like I have just got muddled with how it's explained though.

Sorry I didn't explain that very well!!
OP posts:
BurntToastAgain · 28/01/2022 13:58

Honestly, just apply for a child arrangements order for 50-50. Have both children that one night a fortnight.

Then you can be responsible for them when they’re with you. And half the costs of uniform, trips, clubs etc.

I’d call the CMS up again and say that the calculation is wrong. Escalate it if they won’t do anything. And keep a diary of contact.

Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:59

@IncompleteSenten

What has your ex said? Have you asked her to change it?
Yes. It's a straight no. From her perspective she is the main parent and therefore I should pay her to enable her to put a roof over their head, feed them, cloth them etc..
OP posts:
freelions · 28/01/2022 14:00

You need to have a conversation with your Ex in first instance

If things are generally amicable then explain how you feel and see if you can come to a compromise

Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:01

Thank you, good advice. I feel hesitant to do that as it feels scary and intimidating and what if I loose and end up with less contact

OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:03

@PositiveLife

Is there any proof you can give of the amount of time they spend with you? Texts from ex, etc.
No not really. Because it's a very set routine and has been for many years it doesn't get discussed or talked about anymore
OP posts:
BurntToastAgain · 28/01/2022 14:04

She’s not the ‘main parent’ though. She has one child one night a fortnight more than you do.

She’s a SAHM to a secondary school aged kids that she only has contact with 50% of the time. She never even has them a full weekend. That’s a luxury for her benefit. Of course she doesn’t want what she considers her income to stop.

Go to mediation and, if that fails, get a court order for 50-50 shared care.