Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I don't want to pay CM anymore

85 replies

TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 13:07

Right, straight to the point. I don't want to pay CM anymore. I just think I'm being mugged off. Why am I putting up with this?

Currently use direct pay. No court orders or court arrangements. I'm dad. 2 children. Currently 11 and 13.

Split parenting is as follows and is over a 2 week schedule.

I do school pick up on Mondays and they stay overnight.
Drop off at school Tuesday morning.
Have 1 of the children also on a Tuesday night.
School pick up Friday.
Have them until Sat lunchtime
Same again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week.
And then have them all weekend and drop them at school on Monday.

Over 2 weeks that's 6 nights with me, 8 with mum. Plus the 1 night extra where 1 stays with me.
So 1 child is 7 nights with each parent.
Other child is with mum 1 extra night.

We both contribute equally for their clothes, shoes, coats, school bags, school equipment, school trips. This is all amicable and are both fair about it all. We both deal with doctor, dentists, hospital visits, school appointments etc..
Mum normally buys school uniform and school shoes.
Mum receives child benefit.

She is currently a SAHM. She has a partner who works.

I pay £400pm. Annual letter from CMS says this is based on 2 to 3 nights a week. I've rang them and said this is not correct but they basically said they don't believe me and the person who opened the case is the only 1 who can change it, I.e my ex.

I paid this for the last 6 years.

It just doesn't feel fair. What can I do about it?

Or am I missing the point of CM?

OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:05

@PositiveLife

Probably the easiest option is to file with the court for contact and ask them to just give what you currently have - then you'd have the court order as proof. My dp did this for about £150
That's a good idea. I just went on the CMS calculator. Still comes out at 230 per month!!

Better than 400 I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:05

@LetsGoParty

I would t want to pay either!
Thank you!! Glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks it's unfair!!
OP posts:
BurntToastAgain · 28/01/2022 14:06

You’re unlikely to lose because the contact pattern is just shy of 50-50 as it is. It’s worked for a long time.

Worst outcome is that you have a formalisation of the status quo and only pay the minimum rate of maintenance for one of the children (since the other is 50-50 shared care).

Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:06

@IncompleteSenten

Also, her partner works Ng is irrelevant. He isn't the parent and has no financial responsibility for your children.
Yeah you're right about that 👍
OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:11

@BurntToastAgain

She’s not the ‘main parent’ though. She has one child one night a fortnight more than you do.

She’s a SAHM to a secondary school aged kids that she only has contact with 50% of the time. She never even has them a full weekend. That’s a luxury for her benefit. Of course she doesn’t want what she considers her income to stop.

Go to mediation and, if that fails, get a court order for 50-50 shared care.

I've been trying to tell her for 6 years she's not the main parent. And she's been telling me she is for 6 years!! In hindsight I should've made it official from day 1 with a solicitors and court involvement.
OP posts:
Original poster
TuesdaySmoozday · 28/01/2022 14:21

@GoldenBlue

Can you clarify the pattern for the second week. How many nights do you have the children?

It reads that you have them

Wk1
Monday 2
Tuesday 1
Friday 2

Wk2
Tuesday
Wednesday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

Which doesn't add up to 6 nights + 1 extra for one child

If you both agree 1 child is staying 50:50 then that child shouldn't be part of the calculation for CM

Sorry if it wasn't clear

Week 1
Monday
Tuesday (only 1 child)
Friday

Week 2
Monday
Tuesday (only 1 child)
Friday
Sat
Sunday

So 1 child is with me 7 nights over the 2 weeks
The other child only 6 nights

Actually, no wonder you're confused! I've confused myself!!
My youngest is actually with me 8 nights over the 2 weeks!

OP posts:
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 28/01/2022 14:26

This seems unfair, I thought the whole point of child maintenance is when the father is not the sole caregiver but this seems a 50/50 split.
Definitely go through family court I think.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 28/01/2022 14:31

I presume she's getting the child benefit as well so that is an additional payment she's getting that you're not seeing any of.

BuanoKubiamVej · 28/01/2022 14:34

Go to court for 50:50 contact based on the current setup with minor adjustments to make it exactly 50:50. Then no maintenance is due.

The one night a fortnight with only one child is a bit of an anomaly - what's the reason for it? It makes the calculation very complicated and if it's not got strong supporting reasons for it, it might be better to phase that out.

PeeAche · 28/01/2022 14:42

I think that even if you split the time equally, if you are the higher earner, then you are expected to pay CMS to the lower earner to ensure that children's standard of living is the same across both homes.

I have a friend who splits the time 50/50 with his ex wife and still has to pay some CMS. I could be wrong, but I think that's the case.

Frankly, I think the CMS are the most ineffective organisation I have ever had to deal with and you have my sympathies. They are not child focused.

GoldenBlue · 28/01/2022 14:47

Based on your revised details over the 14 days you have 50% of child time.

That is 8 out of 14 for Child 1 and 6 out of 14 for child 2

It can either be treated as 50:50 or you can request the child benefit for Child 1 and claim CM from your X for that child. Obviously if she's not working then she wont have to pay any real amount but child benefit would make a difference.

Alternatively some would assume that if you are 'main carer' for a child each then no maintenance would be due.

However note that you have income and she doesn't currently, changes to the status quo are likely to upset the apple cart and impact on your co-parenting relationship initially because money affects people in strange ways.

However based on the current pattern it is understandable that you feel uncomfortable paying CM, because it isn't warranted.

Although you would need to pay your share of uniform etc. May be easiest to take responsibility for the child that is with you 8 nights out of 14 (that you are main parent for)

CornishGem1975 · 28/01/2022 14:53

You will have to prove to CMS that you have 50/50 shared care (or equal care whatever it's called) - best way of doing this is through a court order.

I believe from recent conversations, that to determine it, they can actually take into consideration other things - not just the number of nights - who takes them to the doctors, or deals with school matters etc if it's solely one parent who handles that stuff, it's not shared or equal care.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 28/01/2022 15:03

You are funding her choice not to work. I would try talking to her if things are amicable but I would expect her to dig in her heels.

WonderfulYou · 28/01/2022 15:09

what if I loose and end up with less contact

I would be very surprised if you ended up with less contact as you could go to court and explain that she reduced contact as soon as you reduced payments - so they’ll see she’s just being difficult.

If you have them just short of 50/50 you may still have to pay a small amount to cover the shortfall but it will be nowhere near what you pay now.

forlornlorna · 28/01/2022 15:19

@Butteryflakycrust83

You are funding her choice not to work. I would try talking to her if things are amicable but I would expect her to dig in her heels.
How do you know why she doesn't work? Maybe she has other young children with her new partner.
forlornlorna · 28/01/2022 15:20

Op yeah I agree with the majority of the replies. I'd get some legal advice and get 50/50 in place.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/01/2022 15:21

It doesn't matter why she doesnt work. He is funding it no matter what the reason!

dreamingbohemian · 28/01/2022 15:26

Are you a high earner?

As someone mentioned above, if you are then you would still be expected to pay even with 50/50

SoLongDarla · 28/01/2022 15:33

Is there a reason why she doesn't work?

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 28/01/2022 15:35

@dreamingbohemian

Are you a high earner?

As someone mentioned above, if you are then you would still be expected to pay even with 50/50

Not necessarily
crankysaurus · 28/01/2022 15:43

If you do look to formalise it, make sure you have some evidence of what days you have your DC.

IncompleteSenten · 28/01/2022 15:50

Go to court for 50/50 then.

LumpyandBumps · 28/01/2022 15:54

It does look like very close 50/50 from your OP. Do you also keep to this pattern throughout school holidays?

Gilly12345 · 28/01/2022 16:05

Contact a solicitor.

This is a tricky one as your ex partner/wife may live with someone now but it is not his responsibility to provide for the children, she maybe could/should work, even part time.

nomoneytree · 28/01/2022 16:22

What happens in school holidays.

Swipe left for the next trending thread