I don't want to pay CM anymore

[TuesdaySmoozday]

Right, straight to the point. I don't want to pay CM anymore. I just think I'm being mugged off. Why am I putting up with this?

Currently use direct pay. No court orders or court arrangements. I'm dad. 2 children. Currently 11 and 13.

Split parenting is as follows and is over a 2 week schedule.

I do school pick up on Mondays and they stay overnight.
Drop off at school Tuesday morning.
Have 1 of the children also on a Tuesday night.
School pick up Friday.
Have them until Sat lunchtime
Same again on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday the next week.
And then have them all weekend and drop them at school on Monday.

Over 2 weeks that's 6 nights with me, 8 with mum. Plus the 1 night extra where 1 stays with me.
So 1 child is 7 nights with each parent.
Other child is with mum 1 extra night.

We both contribute equally for their clothes, shoes, coats, school bags, school equipment, school trips. This is all amicable and are both fair about it all. We both deal with doctor, dentists, hospital visits, school appointments etc..
Mum normally buys school uniform and school shoes.
Mum receives child benefit.

She is currently a SAHM. She has a partner who works.

I pay £400pm. Annual letter from CMS says this is based on 2 to 3 nights a week. I've rang them and said this is not correct but they basically said they don't believe me and the person who opened the case is the only 1 who can change it, I.e my ex.

I paid this for the last 6 years.

It just doesn't feel fair. What can I do about it?

Or am I missing the point of CM?

Providing there was a clean break when you separated and you no longer have any joint assets then I agree with you that 50/50 care should mean no cms is paid.

I would go to a solicitor and get advice. She's lying.

Seems very unfair.

Have you laid this out to her like this? Surely she can't argue that the split is pretty equal?

It's not exactly straightforward, but you may only have to pay CM for one, and get a 3/7ths deduction.

I advise clients on this all the time these days.

I think someone has already asked but does the pattern stay the same during school holidays?

If it does (and you're also responsible for sorting childcare for your days during holidays), then I think seeking advice is a sensible option.

Another vote for court, she’s taking the piss. She needs to stop being so idle and get a job

@LumpyandBumps

It does look like very close 50/50 from your OP. Do you also keep to this pattern throughout school holidays?

Yeah holidays are split equally. 3 weeks each in the summer, 1 each at Easter, half terms split equally.

@BuanoKubiamVej

Go to court for 50:50 contact based on the current setup with minor adjustments to make it exactly 50:50. Then no maintenance is due.

The one night a fortnight with only one child is a bit of an anomaly - what's the reason for it? It makes the calculation very complicated and if it's not got strong supporting reasons for it, it might be better to phase that out.

The extra night is because of a club that one of the children go to that is near me so just makes sense for them to stay overnight here too

@dreamingbohemian

Are you a high earner?

As someone mentioned above, if you are then you would still be expected to pay even with 50/50

I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with if I'm a high earner. High earner is subjective. Compared to when I was 18, or minimum wage yes, compared to my boss, certainly not!!

@nomoneytree

What happens in school holidays.

The time is split evenly. To the day! For all the right reasons, we both want to spend as much time with our children as possible.

Thankfully neither of us are trying to dodge any responsibilities

A word of caution. I am a father that pays more than the cms calculates and 50% for other child related costs. I know it's unfair as I could really do with that money to provide more for my children when they are living with me. However I know if I tried to reason with ex, she would make co-parenting harder than what it is already.

Moreover, family court as a solution can equally make things worse for you. I have got to know lots of non-resident parents that came out of the family court with less time with children.
If you can afford to pay £400 for the peace of mind, I would go for that. Trust in karma that her greed will come back to bite her.

In what way is it not straight forward?

Have u used the cms calculator online using the amount of days u have them and not the 2-3 days she’s told cms? 50/50 isn’t as straightforward as no cms it can be but there’s other factors best to see it through court! It may be you don’t need to pay any cms or less than the £400 but you will need a court order if ex won’t change the amount of overnights with cms

Yeah I do feel like I don't want to rock the boat. For some reason I've been made to feel lucky that I get to have them as much as I do. And that the CM is payment for that. If I want to pay less, I'll end up seeing them less. And will then have to pay more. So it's a double loss. Seeing them less, and paying more.

But that's not right is it.

@Lalala1
Yeah I've looked at the calculator. According to CMS you can have 50/50 time and still be the paying parent. It doesn't make sense to me. Or anyone i think!

If you see it as 'child nights' you have

Week 1
Monday 2
Tuesday (only 1 child) 1
Friday 2
Total: 5

Week 2
Monday 2
Tuesday (only 1 child) 1
Friday 2
Sat 2
Sunday 2
Total: 9

That gives you 14 'child nights' out of a possible 28 in a 2 week period. So you are doing exactly half the childcare.

It may be calculated to even out the living standards for the children across both homes.
If you earn really well and have them half the time it’s not fair on your children to then spend the other half of their time with a quite different standard of living if the other parent is much poorer. Although it is subsidising the other parent, it’s really for the children to keep them on an even standard of living.

Can't your ex contact CMS and explain the situation?

It can bring the worst out of people, resulting in a straightforward case becoming complicated, which then forces cafcass to compile various reports, which delays the case and puts at risk the time your children have with you. Money brings the worst out of people.

Do your children have any regular activities or hobbies or even occasional activities that cost money? Paying for dance lessons or football can be expensive and involve lots of extra costs.ie costumes, kit, extra lessons
If they do any extra activities, who pay for them?

[quote TuesdaySmoozday]@Lalala1
Yeah I've looked at the calculator. According to CMS you can have 50/50 time and still be the paying parent. It doesn't make sense to me. Or anyone i think![/quote]
Yeah that’s what I meant some PP were saying there’s no cm to pay if 50/50 I was just saying thats not always the case. Maybe try speaking to your ex

Best of luck OP.

My husband was put through this by his ex, and it was a nightmare.

My husband has his son 60% of the time, yet his ex wife lied to the CMS and told them that he only had his kid one night a fortnight.

Despite all the evidence my husband had, the CMS made him pay for months on end. He had to go to court to sort it all out. He got his money back, but he still had his lawyers costs and so on.

The CMS were unbelievably biased towards my husband. They believed everything his ex-wife said without question, but demanded evidence for everything that my husband said. It was so sexist.

Id one child is with you more, can you not out in a cm claim for that child?

Also, every time my husband phoned them, they'd give him a different explanation for their assessment.

Half the people working there could barely string a sentence together, and their math skills were appalling.

I imagine that most of the CMS's workers are people who wanted to get into the civil service but were too stupid for the tax office.

@COVIDandCats

Best of luck OP.

My husband was put through this by his ex, and it was a nightmare.

My husband has his son 60% of the time, yet his ex wife lied to the CMS and told them that he only had his kid one night a fortnight.

Despite all the evidence my husband had, the CMS made him pay for months on end. He had to go to court to sort it all out. He got his money back, but he still had his lawyers costs and so on.

The CMS were unbelievably biased towards my husband. They believed everything his ex-wife said without question, but demanded evidence for everything that my husband said. It was so sexist.

Same. When dss moved in with us the ex told them he hadn't. She also told child benefit the same. It was up to DP to prove he lived with us but that wasn't so easy!