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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Would you married again (after a horrible divorce)?

88 replies

Jne1 · 07/11/2021 07:57

Just curious… My NEx has been hideous during the divorce process.
I want to believe that he’s only pig in the world but know this is unrealistic. So my question is, for those who have been through a horrible and messy divorce, would you ever get married again?

OP posts:
Catawaul · 07/11/2021 08:24

Never.

GoodnightGrandma · 07/11/2021 08:27

No, and I’m not divorced.
I can honestly say that I wouldn’t get so legally and financially trapped to another person ever again.

JasperTheHungry · 07/11/2021 08:27

Fuck, no.

Appliancedesparation · 07/11/2021 08:29

No, never.

ThankYouDebbie · 07/11/2021 08:31

My divorce was entirely civil, I would still never get married again. Why would I?

user1471530109 · 07/11/2021 08:32

No. In fact 7 years later I am still single (I'm happy but slightly worried I will regret it in another 10 years). Unfortunately with our DC I still have to communicate with him. But it reminds me what hell the DC and I went through. Even if I find someone in the future, I honestly would never marry again.

momentumneeded · 07/11/2021 23:19

@GoodnightGrandma

No, and I’m not divorced. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t get so legally and financially trapped to another person ever again.
No for exactly these reasons. It's the most punishing, protracted, nasty thing I have ever had to endure. No way would I risk going through it again. I might have less at the end of it all but it will be mine, protected for my old age and my children's future.
LemonJelly76 · 07/11/2021 23:20

No

jocktamsonsbairn · 07/11/2021 23:23

@GoodnightGrandma

No, and I’m not divorced. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t get so legally and financially trapped to another person ever again.
This. my divorce was so hideous I would never ever ever go through it again.
NewlySingle2021 · 07/11/2021 23:27

Not divorced yet but I'd never want to be financially tied to someone again. When the time is right I'd be open to finding dates/love again, but right now will say I wouldn't want to share my house or pool finances again. Obviously I might change my mind in years to come about living with someone if I ever met someone special, but I don't think I'd ever marry no matter how in love I thought I was.

HibouMilou · 07/11/2021 23:30

I’ve never been married but leaving a 10 year co-habiting relationship involving young children is potentially equally hideous (if not worse, because less legal rights). It’s got nothing to do with marriage.

DowntonCrabby · 07/11/2021 23:31

Is it naive to say absofuckingluteley no way despite being happily married for years and together for 20 odd years?

I’m 99.9% sure I wouldn’t feel I needed to be married again whether it was following a completely amicable/moderately amicable/horribly messy divorce or being widowed.

It’s done, that’s it, once in a lifetime for me, even if he died and I met another love of my life I wouldn’t see the point. Maybe it’s because I know I wouldn’t have any more kids and wouldn’t want to fuck over my kids regardless of how old/settled they were and regardless of how lovely any new man might be.
I do have friends and family about to broach the 2nd time around thing and I’m genuinely happy for them but definitely do counsel towards the protection of their original family.

dane8 · 07/11/2021 23:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

mrsfollowill · 07/11/2021 23:43

@DowntonCrabby- you have just summed up exactly what I feel! I've been with DH for 27 years but he is a 'once in a lifetime' deal. Would just not be bothered with getting with anyone else if we divorce or he dies. My mum was widowed at 59 when my dear Dad died and he was her one and only as well. I'm not being sanctimonious- I had loads of boyfriends before DH and was no blushing virgin when I met him - but have 100% been loyal all these years. I just would not be arsed!
I'm over 50 and have my lovely DS and that's enough for me.

Avarua · 07/11/2021 23:49

No.
Marriage is really about protecting assets when there are children.
No real point to it otherwise.

DowntonCrabby · 07/11/2021 23:59

Apologies if we’re derailing there thread here but @mrsfollowill, interestingly, I know my Mum, married 50 years would feel the same, one love, one marriage, done.
I’m not convinced my Dad would though if things worked out that way, I mean Mum is definitely his one and only but I think he’d “need” someone more.
I’m not convinced DH wouldn’t eventually marry again if we divorced or I died but as we’re only just approaching our 40’s that’s fair enough. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have boyfriends or lovers but I know I would never get married again.

silentpool · 08/11/2021 00:03

I will never marry again. Getting out of this marriage has been protracted and expensive. As the PPs have said, I never want to be tied legally and financially to someone else again - financial security and peace of mind are my primary focus now.

comfortablyfrumpy · 08/11/2021 09:22

No, never again. I seriously doubt I'll ever be in a relationship again, to be honest. With hindsight I shouldn't have got married in the first place. But there you go!

Purplewithred · 08/11/2021 09:28

I did. Much to my surprise.

When I met DH I found I really wanted us to be married; to make that legal commitment to each other. It was a gut feeling. He felt the same.

However, the prod to make it happen was when we did our wills and realised how much tax we'd pay if one of us died. Very unromantic.

blackcurrantjam · 08/11/2021 11:22

Current thinking is absolutely no fucking way. As others have said, the nightmare it is proving to be getting out of current marriage is enough to say not a chance.

Lovinglife45 · 08/11/2021 11:37

I would like to but would feel like a major hypocrite. We stood before our friends and family and promised to stay married till death do us part. I meant every word.

Stbxh had a number of physical and emotional affairs. I tried to make it work for years. I wanted to keep my family as one union. By the end I hated him and hated myself.

Aposterhasnoname · 08/11/2021 11:38

I already have.

Lovinglife45 · 08/11/2021 11:54

Aposter
I hope you do not mind me asking.
Did you have a small (smaller) wedding?
How many years after being divorced did you marry?

Aposterhasnoname · 08/11/2021 12:21

I don’t mind at all. I re married about five years after the divorce. I absolutely hate fuss, so the first wedding was just immediate family in the registry office, and the second was just the two of us abroad with hotel staff as witnesses. Had a fairly big (by my standards lol) party when we got back though.

annonymousse · 08/11/2021 12:26

My divorce was painful from an emotional point of view as he left me for a woman who was a close friend of mine. After a few hiccups of bad behaviour from him at the beginning the actual divorce process was uneventful. I have recently remarried after more than 10 years with new partner - it was still a massive decision. We had a long engagement before I was ready to actually take the plunge. Part of the reason we did get married was that we are an older couple now and everything is easier legally if either of us died. The wedding was just the two of us and was actually quite perfect.